Teeth are one of the most interestingly taken-for-granted parts of the human body. It is not until you have been subject to the mind-altering agony of a severe toothache that you can really relate to a person in the throes of a dental seizure. There are various categories of toothache, each with different levels of pain and zen-like discoveries of hitherto unreached pain threshholds that are only a fraction of a hairline away from unconsciousness.

My personal favourite is the throbbing from deep within the gum area, at the base of the tooth. It is an ache in rhythm with your heart, which beats as you weep for stronger painkillers, your pathetic sobs synchronising with the waves of pain and accompanying nausea that wash over your shuddering frame.

Another variety is the the dental equivalent of electric guitar feedback. There is quite simply a piercing agony that threatens to cut the top off your head if something is not done immediately, such as switching the power off (painkillers) or breaking the amp (cardiac arrest).

The reason that I speak of this is because I have discovered a combination of the two recently. But first I will introduce you to your new lesson in Agony : Dentistry 101. The tooth has roots buried deep in your gums and ending, as you know, within your jawbone.

Bear this is in mind. Recently, I went to the dentist to have a root canal performed. This involves drilling deep into each root of the tooth (there are two or three) and removing the extremely sensitive nerves, effectively "killing" the tooth. No nerves, no bad messages to brain, no agony. So he drilled and drilled and did his stuff. Now my tooth was relatively empty, so he put in some disinfectant, and placed a temporary filling over the crater he had so proudly dug in my lower molar and told me to f .. come back in a couple of weeks.

During those couple of weeks, he buggered off on holiday, leaving me with a gaping large hole in an empty tooth. It got infected. Then there was a series of antibiotics, but it never worked out. Basically, now I have got an infected jawbone. I am on antibiotics for the third time in as many months and am going to go to the dentist for him to cut and drain me on Monday. I also look like Marlon Brando, if you're standing on my left side.

Till then.