Secondborn had her band contest in which her band took the first place prize. She was very proud of this. I think she walked on clouds a whole weekend.
Eldest made the JV dance team and is gearing up for the ever more expensive world of competitive dance. Her mother is ready to kill something. With a stick.
Thirdborn and Youngest are feeling a little left out because they have not had anything to make their mother crazy with the driving always the driving everywhere now we have to drive. I think this is why they keep insisting on leaving their coats and bags and shoes all over the universe. I swear to you, if we could get them to disclose their secrets of teleportation, we would solve the energy crisis. AND know where, for the love of JOE!, they put their tennis shoe. Not both, oh no. We only lose ONE.
They haven't spoken with their father much. They haven't seen him in a very long time. This makes them sad. They think if I were nicer to him, he would want to see them more. Maybe. Except that when I am not rude, he spouts drivel about how I still want him. This makes me vomit in a vomiting way that is to vomit.
But he did call this week to see if he could pick them up for the weekend. After the pathetic and pointless ten year long story about how poor he is but he is now less poor than he was, he said he would have to call me back to see if he wanted to see them for sure.
*growling, lots of growling*
So he calls me while I am at work, on a weeknight, closing which I am not ever supposed to do and begins the crap storytelling again. I cut him off with "Are you picking them up or not?"
He relaunches the story. Finally he says after ten more years of crap that I don't care about, that he SHOULD show up at six. BUT! He needs me to either give him gas money or meet him halfway. I was angry. I was very very angry. I had had one man too many abuse me this week. so I said...
"Fine. I will PAY YOU to come see your children. Be at my place at six pm."
He starts huffing and puffing because putting it THAT way makes him look bad and I cut him off and hung up. So I am paying the prick to spend time with the girls. He makes almost three times what I do, after he pays the child support. That's with the support added to my income, he still makes that much more than I do. And I have to pay HIM to act like a parent who cares if they exist.
I hope he bothers to show up. Though I haven't told them anything yet. They have enough disapointment already.
LadyGamer posted on May 04, 2007
| views: 675
Comments
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gingersoul said on May 04, 2007....
LG........i have no words.....what a universal asshole he is.....and i was complaining because my ex didnt show up at our daughetr vollyball winning game........well, your prickhead ex beat him for all the lenght...
I am sorry you have to swallow this bag of shit from him.....
Financially talking, the situation seems the same.....he ripped me bad during the divorce, he got a ridicolous child support to pay and he earns 10 times more than me, twice the money he was earning while we were married..... he knows i am struggling here and yet ....does he buy something to our daughter, at least once in a while? No, niet, nada, zero.....he thinks the money he gives me is more than enough...So she has to hope they will give her some decent money for her b-day to buy some extra clothes. I can only buy her the basics. No fancy extra .....It kills me.
Hey i can gut you ex, would you gut mine in exchange?...lol...
Hope at least he will show up....
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carmachu said on May 04, 2007....
*hugs*I'm so sorry you have to put up with that crap. You, and the girls, really shouldnt have to. -
Eilan said on May 04, 2007....
I can relate to your not telling your kids about visits because they might not happen. I've done that before.
My ex has remarried and his stepchildren's activities take precedence over our girls' activities. I can't remember the last time he came to a soccer game--every season, he asks for a copy of the schedule, but he never comes to any games. And when my six-year-old did a local festival-related pageant in April, he didn't show up then, either.
Our relationship is pretty cordial, he pays his support on time, and we meet halfway when he get them for the weekend. I know things could be worse. But I hate it when he lets the kids down.
My husband would adopt my two oldest daughters in a heartbeat if my ex would agree to it. And why not? He's been a part of their lives since my six-year-old's first birthday. It'll never happen, though.
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TinSoldier said on May 04, 2007....
I can't understand backbirths like this guy seems to be...
If I ever split from my wife (God forbid) I would do everything that I could for my kids.
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sweet_cookie01 said on May 04, 2007....
He is not just a bad husband he is also a lousy father!.... My goodness if the father of my child is like that i would not having second thoughts on bad mouthing him to my daughter!... The nerve.... grrrr....... God that pisses me off!!! -
LadyGamer said on May 04, 2007....
Bad mouthing their father doesn't hurt him, it hurts them. They have had enough of that. The world will hurt them plenty, I'm not going to help.HE shows by his actions that he doesn't care. I do the best I can to care enough for both the Mommy and Daddy roles. Probably why I feel like a failure. Because it's a big job. -
TinSoldier said on May 05, 2007....
Bad mouthing their father doesn't hurt him, it hurts them. They have had enough of that. The world will hurt them plenty, I'm not going to help.
That is the honest truth, LG. I don't think that I've ever heard anyone describe it that way but you are absolutely correct.
HE shows by his actions that he doesn't care. I do the best I can to care enough for both the Mommy and Daddy roles. Probably why I feel like a failure. Because it's a big job.
I feel for you. My dad had to be both mother and father while raising my younger brother and me. He wasn't perfect at it, but he managed.
Trust me, I understand.
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sweet_cookie01 said on May 05, 2007....
i try very hard not to bad mouth my ex husband and it hurts when i my daughter finds out on her own what kind of father she has... It really is quite tough to play the role of a mom and dad... but when ever my daughter says "mom i love you and i would never want anyother mom than you" everything is worth it! -
silverwhisper said on May 05, 2007....
LG, your ex is an oxygen thief. that does not make you a failure.
the way you put it was absolutely perfect.
i'm going to assume he didn't show?
ed -
Jenna said on May 05, 2007....
LG....I am sorry. That sounds so stressful...Did he show?It sounds as though your kids are doing well despite their father's shortcomings.I am sure you are doing a great job for them. I know its hard. I wish you well.My ex and I are on relatively good terms, but I experience the financial struggle as well. I recently told him I needed some money to help with my daughters graduation party. He told me he was strapped and having a hard time himself. (oh....did I mention at this very moment he is on a seven day cruise with his current girlfriend????) -
husbandhater said on May 05, 2007....
Oh for the days when their eyes finally open hell will have no fury on daddy. -
LadyGamer said on May 05, 2007....
He showed.Apparently his sister is down, so SHE wanted to see them. And she can watch them when he wants to go to the bar. -
gingersoul said on May 05, 2007....
Jenna...what your ex told you is exactly what my ex told me when i asked him to pay for our daughter dental cleaning last winter.
Note: he was leaving for a 7 days cruise in the Caribbean with his brand new trophy wife but he told me he couldn't do it.....that was not his responsability ...wrong! it was...but he was usually convinced that what he was paying was more than enough...
i think the word hate is nort even strong enough to express my feeling...
LG..at least they will see him, no matter his shitty reason...
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carmachu said on May 05, 2007....
Probably why I feel like a failure. Because it's a big job.
You are most certainly NOT a failure. You're one of the few people that if I drop dead(and the mrs), I'd leave sarah in your care without worry.
You do a great job.
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boyzmom said on May 05, 2007....
My kids are only slightly interested in seeing their father once in a while. The youngest wasn't even a year old when we separated and he remembers that daddy drinks beer and gets mean. I don't know what to say if they start asking why they don't see him more often! I always drive them to their dad's, he doesn't have a license, so I am always paying for the fuel. Plus he only gets supervised visitation so I won't leave them with him without someone else there to make sure he doesn't drink and be stupid with them. He also makes much more money than me but he has two other children besides our two that he pays child support for! He's been stupid too many times and can't afford to pay three exes. -
sweetsoul said on May 05, 2007....
If it's any consolation LG, your children will see and understand for themselves the difference in your parenting abilities. They'll grow under your guidance. Take their own route as far as dealing with their Dad - whether that's going when he calls or deciding they don't want to see him unless it's on their terms. They'll hear and understand well enough what's going on, and appreciate your love and commitment to them...even if the only way they show it is by the occasional hug and growing up to be wonderful people...it will be all worth it. And when they're old enough, they'll use their Dad as a role model for what not to do.
That's what happened with me and my sons. My youngest is a wonderful Dad to my granddaughter and I've no doubt my eldest son will be as well when his daughter arrives later this month.
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cotteralladams2 said on May 05, 2007....
If you marry a man who is a lousy father and husband, there is always divorce. If you pick a man like that, he will always be like that and won't change--don't wast your time and get out of it because it's a vicious cycle. You can do better on your own.If he doesn't show up, I am sure you can do fine on your own. Why bother going after him, except for support? There is plenty of help out there-daycare subsidies, tax benefits, training programs from corporations and government agencies, bursaries and grants for school, free health care, food stamps and clothing, cosmetics, you name it. It is not like community recources will not help you. If you're not making the bills, here are some tips:Get a part-time waitressing job till you get back on your feet, the tips will help you.Get a second mortgage or rent out a room to a student.Ask for overtime at work.Get some money put into an R.R.S.P. or investment scheme, you can always borrow on it later and can carry over the amount from last year. Also, it will get you a tax deduction.Go to H&R Block or some other tax agency and find out what extra deductions you can get.
Apply for the child care tax credit and new daycare subsidy.Seek assistance from corporate agencies.
Check online about counseling services and support groups for women in your situation. -
cotteralladams2 said on May 05, 2007....
Also, to the women, it is not a man's responsibility to support you endlessly. It is your responsibility as well to provide for your children. He should pay child support and you should get a fair settlement after divorce, not half of it. I truly resent how the system would give my ex-wife half of what I've made when she has worked only ten to fifteen hours a week for eight years. I have been the breadwinner. Believe me, I helped out with cooking and cleaning. Most men do these days and if they don't, they can be kicked to the curb.
Why should I shell out cash for my ex-wife who wants a lavish party or home repairs when I could go out to dinner with my current girlfriend? It is her prerogative, not mine. Why did the women's movement advocate education, literacy, subsidized daycare, equal pay for equal work and the right to choose? Obviously, so that women could be financially independent of men. Believe me, I have no resentment over my ex-wife getting remarried, starting a business, going back to school or getting a full-time job. I would praise her if she actually did something like going across the country in a car she bought herself instead of Daddy and roughing it in hostels and camping.Let her cook for herself and take care of the kid. But then again, he is with me because she has a disability and drug problem and cannot be relied upon. She is also a cheat. Now I don't hate or resent my ex-wife but am tired of the control she exerted over my life for too long. She has problems and needs help but doesn't want it. I could not do anything. Elaine is not perfect but it is refreshing to be with someone who is upbeat, fun, forgiving, creative, athletic, enjoyable and open-minded without the control freak vibe. She also doesn't expect me to support her. She makes money working as a secretary for her father, producing local fashion designs and selling them to stores, and has investments from her part-time modelling career in college.
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carmachu said on May 05, 2007....
Cotteralladams2:
I think I speak for all of us here, when I say, You're a fucking moron. You obviously dont know LG, otherwise you wouldnt spout your own crap like you do, the resentment of your own ex-wife.
I know LG much better than you, so when you list all that crap, trust me when I say your speaking out your rectum. LG's been supporting herself. She's not expecting anyone to support her.
She's expecting the father to be a freaking father. And the fact that he makes more than her and she has to PAY him to show up at the freaking door speaks volumes of how bad of a man he is.
And the fact your spouting your nonsense at LG....speaks volumes about you. And nothing good.
You obviously cant read and comprehend.
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LadyGamer said on May 05, 2007....
Thank you, Carm. I have nothing further to add to that spanking. You did a marvelous job. -
anonymous said on May 06, 2007....
Your welcome my friend. You know me... -
anonymous said on May 06, 2007....
Your welcome my friend. You know me... -
carmachu said on May 06, 2007....
Your welcome my friend.
Damn soulcast anny button!
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sidhe said on May 06, 2007....
Sounds like my second ex (the one with 2 kids) who had NOTHING to do with them but broken promises until the year he turned 40 and only then did actually try to start being a father to them. Bitterness made me really want to say no, it's too late. But instead I said the kids need to know their father.
They know what he is by his own actions, but now they also know their loser father at least loves them and that's helped their self esteem actually. Who'd have thought.
So, giving him gas money to see them makes sense in my book. I'm really glad though that you put it that way to him. *evil grin*
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carmachu said on May 06, 2007....
sidhe is right in that regard: much as you spoken to me, the girls for the most part knows he is a loser, despite them wanting to see him.... -
cotteralladams2 said on May 08, 2007....
Hi, Elaine here. I have to agree with Cotterall. After all, Michelle is a lousy parent. That is why the courts would not give her custody. Does being a woman make you a better parent? No! I had enough issues with my own mother. This is why I prefer my father. Most mothers are good mothers, but it is not a rule. There is feminism and there is man-hating: the bitches can get lost! After all, Michelle can be very difficult and selfish. Now I am not suggesting this about people here as I spend little time online, but Cotterall himself comes from humble origins and he was raised by a single mother. I have never met his father. It's an immigrant attitude to not feel sorry for yourself and get on with it. She had a disability and worked as a waitress at a bingo hall, living out in Northeastern Saskatchewan. Ever been up there? It is cold, desolate, isolated, underpopulated and has no culture or sporting activity asides from fishing, hiking, kayaking and canoeing in the summer. Kay is German and Ukrainian and so is not fazed by hard work and hardship. She was raised that way herself. Think that's more the issue here than single parenthood: Cotterall is not exactly the type who thinks that women should stay at home, submit to men and never divorce. There is nothing wrong with single parenthood, but if he is a single father himself, he has a right to his perspective. Also, why should he hand over money to someone who is spoilt, doesn't work and has money of her own (from her father, this is true of ninety-nine percent of the rich-living out here you know this because the place is saturated with money). What he has comes from working sixty hours a week, getting a culinary degree, investing, saving and he didn't take a cent from her. He bought the condo and furniture, why should she get half? That money is put aside for the future, when he wants a house (one that I might live in), a car (one that I might drive), kids (don't know but what if he remarried), bad financial times (always need a nest egg), and retirement (not exactly spending money). If Michelle wants an expensive party, a gas guzzler car, and an expensive apartment, that is her problem. Sign the papers and get on with it: he is not at her calling. If the toilet isn't working, call a plumber. Need a babysitter? Call a service or ask a relative or go to a daycare. Can't get a ride to work? Take the bus or a cab. Need to borrow cash? Get a loan from the bank or Money-Mart. Lonely? Go to the bar or join a single's club. I really don't care. I had him change the number twice now, along with his email address. I am not interested. His money is not hers: they are divorced. She has money. Why should anyone get what they are not entitled to and don't need? Want to throw a party for your son? Fine, don't worry about your ex on a boat in Jamaica. Get a life and do it yourself! It is not your business. -
cotteralladams2 said on May 08, 2007....
It's actually not an ex-wife's business how much money her ex-husband makes. If he is paying support that she needs and can use, then be happy about it and use it for the children's needs. There is no such thing as lifetime support. Do men ask for palimony? No! That would be ridiculous. Strong women go out and do things.
Happy people are successful people who don't see themselves as victims. Victims do not achieve great heights. Believe me, there are women who have gone from getting food stamps and welfare cheques to running businesses such as bakeries, fashion consultation, accounting firms, and graphic design agencies. There are women in the military and on the police force with a lot of specialized skills and education. There are women (who are often single parents) who work in high positions in government and diplomacy. These are the types who define themselves by their own actions: they would never want to make it on the back of a man. Basically, it is the difference between Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton. Nancy Pelosi is a self-made woman all the way and Hillary Clinton is an opportunist who rode on the waves of her husband's success by being manipulative and conniving. Who should I admire? It is pretty see-through to claim to be so successful when you had to marry a certain man to do it. That is selling out, really.
I can tell you, where we live, there are lots of jobs in the $12 to $15 hour range. If Michelle is unhappy about some stupid thing like not being able to afford eating out, (which is not true and even if it was, it is not a necessity), she can always get a telemarketing or data entry clerk job like that. I have to fight off requests for work, it is so bad. Lots of women out here drive nice cars, own houses, run their own businesses, have beautiful, expensive wardrobes they created themselves, etc.
One woman I really admired was an old boss of mine, Wanda. She started a flower company on her own and ended up travelling around the world, pursuing her career. She also ended up divorced because of it and admitted that it affected her daughter, so she left her with the father and took a parenting class and saw a counsellor. She took her daughter every weekend and started to really take time with her. This was someone who was raised with money and never had to cook or clean for herself, so she learned how to do it and how to be a good, disciplined parent. She eventually remarried and settled down. She decided not to have any more children because she 'couldn't handle it', but eventually cut back at work by asking her father to step in as a business and financial consultant. Now I think it is quite honorable and smart of her. To admit your fallacies and work on them till you really improve yourself out of a genuine desire to change is remarkable. She doesn't depend on her father for any money: she simply kept the horse and car he gave her and went off on her own, paying her way through college and raising the funds for her own business from the ground up. Hell of a woman, smart, modest, funny, kind and forgiving. Very strong-willed and determined. I admire women like that, not weak people. -
LadyGamer said on May 08, 2007....
Okay. Carm, you did a great job. But you are obviously speaking to the deaf. Let's see if I can get some flash cards working here.Cotteralladams2~You are a preachy prick. Get out of my blog.I don't care if YOUR ex is a lousy provider who expects to be able to suck off of you like a parasite. And comparing ME to her is like comparing hooch to french champagne. And since you are too stupid to get what I just said I am the Champagne.I am required by law to allow my ex to see my children. I don't like it. He has repeatedly left them in dangerous situations for the sake of getting his drink on. Even when we were married, which is why we are no longer.My life revolves around the safety and happiness of my children. Every breath I take, everything I do, is about making their lives better.You obviously cannot say that. YOu prefer to be on a boat with some ho rather than at your son's birthday. Good for you, fucktard.You don't even QUALIFY to judge me. And you especially don't get to judge me badly.My children ache for their father's attention. I watch them every day wondering what is wrong with them that he doesn't love them. And REGARDLESS of his income, for me to have to PAY him to give them what they should get simply for existing...THAT IS WRONG.I know you don't get that.You probably think he should take a trip to Jamaica to get away from my "harping". I mean, why should a guy spend time with the progeny created in the past? All they are is a sucking hole that steals his money, right?You fucking wrinkle on a pus filled boil in the ass of a syphilitc leper. You will henceforth be banned from my blog.I can't have you wandering in and dropping your filthy diseased bits about, now can I? -
sidhe said on May 09, 2007....
Woo Hoo!!! You go girl!
I guess Collteralladams2 is a fine example of exactly the kind of creep that your ex-husband is it seems. Now we've heard from the other side of the coin only to see that the other side of the coin is a selfish, thoughtless, whiny loser. *rolls eyes*
I pity his current girl whoever is foolish enough to be that.
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silverwhisper said on May 09, 2007....
meh...you guys actually read cotterall's long comments?
ed -
LadyGamer said on May 09, 2007....
We can't all be as cool as you oh All Knowing One. -
silverwhisper said on May 09, 2007....
that's OK, i shall permit you to touch the hem of my shirt, that some small measure my l337ness may pass unto you. :D
ed -
LadyGamer said on May 09, 2007....
Oh no. I'm not worthy. -
silverwhisper said on May 09, 2007....
[giggle] -
anonymous said on May 21, 2007....
Personally, I agree with Cotterall, that divorce is biased towards women. Ask men. Don't they have rights, too? Women are equal, not superior. You seem to have a chip on your shoulder, like the world owes you something. If he is a lousy father, as he seems to be, that is not about all men or about you, but it is something you have known about for years. If he has been divorced from you for ten years, why do you care what he spends, who is he married to you and what he does? Granted he should show up and see his kids, but I bet you you could go to court and have his visitation rights revoked. It is not that I am against divorce, it is just wrong to milk a man for money, move across the country, limit is visitation rights, be difficult about it, show up at his house unannounced, etc. The issue here probably isn't you, but look at the stuff from the others, wanting to physically harm an ex or harass him, wanting his money. If most women file divorces, you'd think they'd want to move on with their lives, not dwell on it. If people are that unhappy, they usually want to move on. On the dating circuit, ex-husbands with kids are not that popular.Why? Something about his situation and not because they don't like kids. Seems to be wanting to avoid a fire of some sort. There are lots of good fathers out there. Do they get credit? What about single fathers? Maybe if society would stop bashing divorced men so much, they would become better fathers. Maybe it isn't all that much an issue for most, it is just seen that way. There is no reason to think that women are better parents and to suggest so is to devalue men and can lead to a controlling nature based on assumptions of superiority. -
sidhe said on May 22, 2007....
Holy cow anonymous, you must be a divorced father with a chip on his shoulder. Or dating one.
I've seen and dated divorced fathers who were great parents and ones who were losers like LG's.
In both cases it had NOTHING to do with whether the woman wanted child support or anything and everything to do with the willingness to take responsibility for his kids or the personal selfishness and irresponsibility for his children. At some point fathers need to take responsibility for their actions with their kids and not just blame it conveniently on the mother so that they don't have to.
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LadyGamer said on May 23, 2007....
Those of you LECTURING me about having a chip on my shoulder....fuck you.Did YOU get a call at work from CPS today letting you know that YOUR ex is being investigated for sexually abusing your children commanding you show up at their office after work? Did you?No. You didn't.I WANT to move on with my life. I DESPISE LOATHE HATE WITH A BURNING ALMIGHTY PASSION that I cannot support my children without aid from their sperm donor(oh excuse me) father. I hate that he chose his bottle of booze over them. That he still does. I want my children to be happy, and that is marred when they feel his disinterest.The kind of parent he chooses to be is NOT my fault. It is not my responsibility.But it ABSOFUCKINGLUTELYISMYPROBLEM.I would love to have him out of our lives for good. But the LAW says no way. -
silverwhisper said on May 23, 2007....
LG, just block anonymous cowards. they generally don't have much of interest to say.
ed -
boyzmom said on May 23, 2007....
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boyzmom said on May 23, 2007....
Ok, I will try this again. I hope you and your kids get through these rough times with their father and you all be at peace. You need to focus on today and not worry about tomorrow! -
anonymous said on Jun 02, 2007....
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