So let's just jump in, shall we? I've only begun to just scratch the surface of this lifestyle known as polyamory. In fact, up until two days ago I didn't even know there was a word for this way...this strange way I've suddenly started to feel. It's hard to explain. Maybe the beginning.
My husband and I have been together for almost 6 years. He's 28. I'm 27. Thus far it's been strictly monogamous but the "door" of openness has always been slightly ajar. We've played around with the idea of threesomes but have never really followed through. Mostly on my part because I haven't really gotten super comfortable with myself enough to do it(although the thought really turns me on). We've also joked about how it's not "cheating" if you tell me before, or how I wouldn't really mind if he was to be with someone else (physically or emotionally). In fact one of my biggest fantasies is for him to have a GF or lover on the side. But that's all it really ever was. Just a fantasy. I never thought it could be a possibility until now.
We have this friend. This friend who is wonderful...who was my friend first and we've been friends for almost the duration of mine and my husbands relationship. Only until recently did she become "our" friend and then my husbands friend. They have alot in common and share alot of likes that I don't necessarily share with my husband. They hang out together, have alone time together, make plans, and have many nights where they sit out on the couch watching movies in the dark. One of my co-workers brought this fact up and asked me, "Don't you think it's weird your husband hangs out with A while you're here working?" And I never really thought about it...we've been friends for so long it didn't seem unordinary. Why would I care? I'm glad my husband gets along with my friend. But then the other night we were all hanging out and she was getting ready to leave, and I got cramps and went to go lie down and fell asleep and woke up 2 1/2 hours later to see she was still here. They stayed up until almost 3am talking.
Is it safe to say there maybe something going on? And is it freaking weird that I want there something to be going on? I've never felt this way ever. Shouldn't I be jealous? Shouldn't I be the nagging wife questioning his every move, guilt tripping him? Instead I'm so turned on, and I have these butterflies in my stomach, hoping and praying that this is something that could work out for us. I don't know. But there's this other part of me that doesn't want to hope too hard because I'll be really sad if it's not the case. Which brings me to my other thought. Is this something I should pursue? I mean not me, but I need to talk to my husband about this...I desperately want to know what his feelings are...what her feelings are. Yet I'm afraid of the dynamic changing (for the worse)...so maybe I should just let things run it's course. If there's a course to run....I hope.
