Silverwhisper made a comment in my blog about the bruise and I decided to write about what some of the BDSM terms mean to me. Disclaimer - These are my personal opinions, other people in the BDSM lifestyle have various views on these words/roles.
BDSM: Bondage/Discipline, Dominant/Submissive, Sadism/Masochism
Play: Playing is the act of being tied up, flogged, caned, etc. The words play and scene are often interchanged.
Top: This is a person who you are not necessarily in a full time relationship with but when you play with them they take the Dominant role.
Dominant: The partner who likes to take charge in the relationship. A Dominant to me is someone who likes to control, they do the tying, the spanking, play control games. This does not mean they bully, are mean, or abusive.
Master: This is someone who is always Dominant in the relationship. A Master to me is someone who is not only in control of their slave/submissive but is in control of themselves. This person is the who has the final say in decisions that are made and is responsible and takes responsibility for the outcomes of those decisions. This does not mean that a Master will not consult his slave in decision making but the final word is his to make. He doles out punishment/discipline when he feels it necessary but also lays out clear guidelines and expectations of the submissive/slave.
Sadist: A person who gets sexual pleasure from inflicting pain (not abuse). This person does not wish to harm his partner but does like to hurt them.
Bottom: This is the person who takes the role during play of the one who is being tied up, flogged, caned, etc.
Submissive: The partner who gives up control most of the time but still maintains their freedom to make certain decisions in the relationship.
Slave: This person has given total control to their partner. They completely trust them and are willing to let their Master make all the decisions for them. This is not someone without opinions or value, a slave derives their happiness from allowing another person to take total control in the relationship.
Masochist: A person who gets sexual pleasure from receiving pain.
I have been a Top, bottom, submissive, slave and am a masochist.
In my marriage right now my husband thinks of me as his slave. I on the other put myself more into the submissive category (yes, this is a problem obviously, it is because I no longer feel as if he is acting as a Master should and he knows how I feel).
In my relationship with S at this point I feel like I'm acting as a bottom, he is Topping me (this is working for us because I'm not in a position to give him enough of myself to become his submissive) additionally, he is the Sadist and I am the Masochist.
