They really are the cruelest things you can say - the cruelest that I can think of, at least. They are meant to confirm someone's worst fears about themselves, to break someone at their very core. So, the only reason to say it would be if I truly wanted to hurt someone that badly.

So, I guess that means I have wanted that. For selfish reasons, really, as if causing someone that much hurt would repair the hurt they caused me...but I don't know if it would. Would I really feel better? Or, the motive could be to gain the upperhand. I hate the way M. looked so smug at the end of everything, like he had moral superiority.

This is the very antithesis of love and wanting to connect with another person. With that, you try to build the other person up and be open to the point of being vulnerable. Saying this is saying that you no longer have any empathy for the person and you're slamming a door shut. It doesn't sound like a good thing, but sometimes it seems necessary.

I do tend to think that the reason I have a harder time with the idea of doing this to J. than to M. is just because he's more recent and I haven't been able to completely let go of the feelings I had for him, but knowing this doesn't make it any easier.