• hunter_boyce_chandler said on Apr 21, 2007....

  OK,

  Hubby has found work. What are you doing?

  HBC

• Cagney said on Apr 21, 2007....

  HBC - I explained in my other blog post titled Stress and Resentment that I cannot work because of Menieres Disease, so I stay at home and take care of the house and our daughter.  I do also sell things on eBay and my websites but it is not consistent although I am working on making it consistent.
  
  I can apply for disability and most like be accepted because Menieres Disease is a qualifying disease but since I stayed at home to raise our daughter (a choice that my husband and I made together) I have not worked enough in the past few years to actually qualify for any kind of disability payment.  SO the only benefit to me getting on disability is the insurance but we already have insurance.
  

• hunter_boyce_chandler said on Apr 21, 2007....

  I'm sorry.

  I've had tinnitus and periodic dizziness all my life but I never used that as an excuse.

  You should stop feeling sorry for yourself and get busy.

  The condition you espouse is a weak excuse for paralysis.

  HBC

   

• secretlife said on Apr 21, 2007....

  cagney:  wow that was quick!  i'm so happy he found another job so quickly....i'm sure this takes a BIG load off your mind.
   
   

• silverwhisper said on Apr 22, 2007....

  hunter, i'm utterly shocked by your comments here. WTF is up with you?!
  
  cagney, i'm glad your husband found a new job so quickly--that's great!
  
  ed

• dailyachesandpains said on Apr 22, 2007....

  Cagney, that was quick!  You can still fill out the un-employment.  My Sister is in HR and she said that she thinks they make up for the difference if he's making less...but to check it out.  She's not positive. 
   
  I'm glad you don't have to stress like you were!
   
  Daily

• Cagney said on Apr 22, 2007....

  HBC - I am not using Meniere's as an excuse.  It is a fact.  I have no control over my employeers who choose to fire me because I have an attack that keeps me bedridden (and not bedridden by choice but by doctors orders and for my own safety) for weeks at a time
  
  I can not control that people don't want to hire me because I could at any moment have an attack and miss work. 
  
  I cannot control that in my state people with Meniere's Disease cannot get a CDL drivers license.
  
  I can only control myself, and I get out there and apply for jobs and even go to interviews but then it is out of my hands.
  
  I am sorry that you have periodic dizziness and I wish my attacks were simply periodic dizziness, but they aren't.  They debilitate me, not by my choice but because of how bad they are.  I spend way too much time in the hospital where they just fill me full of valium because they have no clue how to deal with the severity of the attacks I have.
  
  Just because you experience dizziness does not in any way let you know what I experience or how bad an attack is for me.
  
  It is more than just simply dizziness.  I literally cannot stand up and walk without falling over.  Again, this is not my choice and it is not an excuse, it is fact, and just because you don't agree with it doesn't make it any less factual.
  
  I am not paralyzed, I do what I can and keep trying new things.  Yes, I do have limitations, wether you agree with them or not.  But I am learning how to overcome the limitations, but again it goes back to me not being able to control employeers.
  
  You are free to have your thoughts as I am free to have mine and I would be happy to exchange the attacks I have with you for your periodic dizziness because that would be an improvement.
  
  Secret, Silver and Daily - thanks for responding.  yes it was very quick for him which I knew it would be but I still freaked out, you know I am human after all.  LOL
  

• sweet_cookie01 said on Apr 22, 2007....

  Hi Cagney.... well i can relate to you... I was diagnosed with 2nd degree Multiple Sclerosis 7 years ago. It really gets difficult to work when you get an attack. It is unpredictable and when an attack happens you just dont know what damage it may cost and how long it will be to recover.

  It is also one of the main factors why my SEMI HUSBAND and i decided that i should stay home. Being stay home mom may not help much with the financial problems but still i make my self busy. I do advertisement lay outs once in a while and does give some share with the expenses but it doesnt help that much really. Sometimes i tutor elementary kids and they pay me by the hour.

  Dont get too offended by what other people thinks... they dont know how difficult things can get when you get a disease that wasnt your choice. My doctors said if my attacks get too frequent i may end up in a wheel chair sooner than i want to. But life is great... as long as the sun rises i know i can make a difference!

• hunter_boyce_chandler said on Apr 22, 2007....

  All,

  I know a little about debilitating disease.  I also know that there are many out there who have it far worse than someone with Meniere's Disease.

  Silver,  you should never be shocked that I have an opinion.  Quite honestly I am a bit shocked that you were so shocked.  You know me better than your comment suggests. 

  M.S. is a very real condition and yet every person I have ever known with it was couragous and refused to just give up.  Blind people do not give up.  People with Lupus and Fibromialgia do not give up and vegitate. 

  When I was struck down and many thought I was not going to survive there was a whole community of people that gave me the tough love I needed to not just lay there and die. 

  There was another community of people that kept me talking and talking until I pretty much talked myself out of any self pity about my health.

  I really hope you can take back control. You have a family that needs you.

  HBC

• gingersoul said on Apr 22, 2007....

  Cagney.....i am quite upset that you had to defend yourself because you have this disease...why people always assume to know other people's situation?

  I am sorry you have been attacked and forced to defend yourself and the choices you are making in your life and for your family.

  I have a close friend who has the same kind of situation you are experiencing:: when she has her attacks of diziness she cant walk, stand up, she cant stand any light or the softest noise, she felt nauseated all the time and nothing works for her. She is sick by years now. She is lucky when she has an attack only once a week..and these attacks can last 2-3 days....Its horrible. She can be fine one second and all of a sudden she is out. Life is gone from her eyes. She doesn trust herself in driving alone because she might have these attacks anytime...is this a functional life?

  HBC.....what about being more compassionate and learning more about other people conditions before snapping such quick comments...that comment shouldn't have never come out from a person like you who says has been suffering so much....

  Whatever is the condition of Cagney and its severity and her way to react to her disease only she knows it....and not everybody reacts in the same way... 

• hunter_boyce_chandler said on Apr 22, 2007....

  gingersoul,

  I am really sorry that you have read all that into my comments.  There was no ATTACK intended when I asked her what she was doing. She had just described a hard working husband who through his ingenuity got them out of a jam.

  Marriage is a partnership, not a support structure. He really saved the day.  Why not ask if she helped?

  When she described her condition. I remembered it is one that some researchers have designated as a psychosomatic illness that may or may not have a physiological basis.  It caused me to wonder. 

  There are successful paliative measures that include diet and stopping smoking and in the worst cases surgery has been shown to be a cure.  Of the 600,000 or so people who report this condition only a third actually have physiological changes that can be detected.

  ginger and cagney ....just because someone has another view is not an attack.  If either of you knew me you would know that I do not wish ill on anyone. 

  ginger....I am quite puzzled by your inference that I reply too quickly.  That is just a little absurd.

  I wish the best to both of you and I will not comment any further on this to either one of you.

  Peace on ya

  HBC

   

• Cagney said on Apr 22, 2007....

  HBC - I am sorry that you think just because I made a statement about not being able to work that you now think I believe that I am in horrible condition and that I am worse off than other people.
  
  I know there are people far worse off than me, just like there are people that I am worse than.
  
  MS is a real condition, so is Cancer, and so is Meniere's and about a million other conditions and diseases..
  
  I wouldn't even dare to compare anything someone has with anything I have, even if I had the same thing because things affect people differently.
  
  I have never said that I have given up, nor that I am deciding to vegitate.  I have not given up and I don't understand why you think that.
  
  I simply stated a fact, that I cannot get hired because of Meniere's.  It is not my fault and I still keep trying.  I learn new ways to do things.  I try many different ways to earn money at home.  Does that mean that I have given up.  I don't think so. 
  
  I have not given up control, I try every day, and I am here for my family.  The people who really know me, the ones who really count, know this.
  
  I forgive you for jumping to conclusions and judging me based on one simple statement of fact and without having all the facts.
  
  I hope that someday soon you can find the balance in your life so that you don't feel the need to judge other people.
  
  Sweet cookie01 - I am sorry about your MS.  I can't even imagine what that must feel like, and I will not even try.  For the record, I think being a stay at home parent is one of the hardest, underappreciated, worthy and rewarding jobs that anyone could do.  And yes I do think of it as a job, and one that many people could not handle doing.  I know I am biased because I am a stay at home mom, but I still truly believe it is one of the greatest things in the world to do.
  

• Cagney said on Apr 22, 2007....

  HBC - for the record I was out applying for jobs, just as my husband did.  I do apologize for taking your statements as attacks.  maybe it was the wording.  had you said something like, "good thing your husband found a job, have you had any luck looking for work also."  then it wouldn't have sounded like an attack.
  
  Yes, there are many ways to treat Meniere's and I have over the past 4 years tried many of them.  Unfortunatley surgery is only an option after testing and if your doctors believe it is worht it.  In my case, the doctors think it would be a waste of time.  Now I could choose to have it done anyways, but insurance will not cover it, so we are not quite ready to jump into that financial boat.
  
  I go back to thinking that the wording in your posts made it seem like an attack and not general curiosity.  maybe something for us all to think about.
  
  Again I do apoloagize if I took your words wrong, and I apologize if my words are taken wrong.  I am perfectly fine with other people having and sharing their own views, even if they disagree with mine, as long as they are shared in a kind manner.  that is where this trouble started.  I mistook your tone and wording for an attack and not simply sharing your opinion.  For that I am once again sorry.
  

• gingersoul said on Apr 23, 2007....

  HBC.......even your long time friend SW expressed his surprise reading your comment so it has not been only me to perceive it as puzzling......

  As Cagney also said.... your words did come out in the wrong way. And so it wasnt absurd at all in that context for me considering your comment pretty quick and sounding aggressive...

  But since you said it wasnt your intention to corner her and you were only voicing your opinion , well....why shouldn't i believe you? So i do.

  Its not the first time and it will not be the last time that people misunderstand each other.......and with this i too consider yesterday this bump in the road.... :-)

• silverwhisper said on Apr 23, 2007....

  hunter quoth:
  i've had tinnitus and periodic dizziness all my life but i never used that as an excuse. you should stop feeling sorry for yourself [emphasis mine] and get busy. the condition you espouse is a weak excuse for paralysis.

  
  hunter, how in the hell is this not an attack, esp the bolded section? you're a talented writer. if that were dialogue you were writing, what would the recipient say or do in response? would it somehow not be anger and resentment at having her condition mocked and denigrated? b/c make no mistake: that's precisely what you did here.
  
  ed

• Cagney said on Apr 23, 2007....

  Silver - you hit it on the nose.  I know I haven't shared my opinions correctly in this, but I was not really offended by HBC's first post.  It was the one that you quoted that really hit me and the rest weren't much better.  I do agree that that is an attack, but I am going to give HBC the benefit of the doubt that the words were just typed wrong and then emotion took over just like it did with me.
  
  Man I am sorry that this discussion has turned into this quarrell, and I tried to keep my fingers shut, but they just had to type away.'
  
  I have apologized for my part in this and that is all I can do.
  

• silverwhisper said on Apr 23, 2007....

  you owe nobody an apology, cagney. this was completely unprovoked.
  
  ed

• sweet_cookie01 said on Apr 23, 2007....

  Wow.... I am so surprised with the way these conversations went...

  I used to be a pharmaceutical promotion representative, a customer service manager, i was a private tutor for  5 kids a day for 5 days for the whole school year, and i do proof reading and advertisement lay out for our local news paper... all these was happening after i was diagnosed with MS. My decision to stay home was because of two reasons... one is my semi hubby and i decided that it was time to concentrate on our future family and 2nd is that not to aggreviate more attacks. My recent attack affected my lungs, heart and kidneys... but i survived it.

  One should take in mind that one should face the challenges of any disease head on and learn how to manage not aggreviate it. But as long as you know how to handle it and you know how to deal with it you can live a fruitful life. When i was told that i can no longer jog and do competitive swimming i looked for a way to still be active and fit and thats why i am into pilates and yoga...

  What i have learned with MS is that one must be strong in heart when your body becomes weak... find ways to be productive even though it wasnt the same  as before... when people find out about your illness let them see how strong you have become by the experience so they wont look at you with pity and it will actually boost your pride... Life isnt easy but you can avoid making it harder.

  Cagney... be brave... dont let your hopes down... you can learn to compensate for the things you cant do anymore.

   

• hunter_boyce_chandler said on Apr 23, 2007....

  I apologize again to you Cagney, gingersoul,sweet_cookie01 and anyone who was disturbed by my comments.  I have never had any bad intent towards anyone.

  It is a fact that having seen real tragedy in the lives of soulcasters I got a bit susicious when I heard someone elses plight based on what I have been told is psychosomatic.  I was more critical than I intended to be.  I realize that the condition is REAL to you and it has the same draining consequence.

  When I read this post I had just finished reading a long blog from a woman who felt compelled to be a stay at home mom for an 11 year old. She then felt lonely and unfulfiled but was held in place by her comitment to be at home when the bus let out for her pre-teen.  Was I also wrong to question just how much of her condition was self generated?  No I was not.  Believe me the pre-teen could care less.  Maybe that is why I leaped to a conclusion, I don't know. There is no excuse just a context from which my response began.

  Again I am sorry.

  Silver...

  You sir have stretched this friendship by your quick ctiticism too far.  I have never criticized you no matter what your view.  I have always praised your work even at the beginning when it was in need of maturity.  I am not the only one here who has always given you unmerited favor.  I deserve better from you.  I have apologized for my insensitivity to Cagney, gingersoul and sweet_cookie01, I do not in any way shape or form extend that to you.

  HBC

• silverwhisper said on Apr 23, 2007....

  hunter, i am glad that you have offered an apology to cagney and the others. let's discuss the matter between us elsewhere.
  
  ed

• Cagney said on Apr 23, 2007....

  HBC - thank you for your apology.  I know this has gotten out of hand as we each had different things going on at the time we posted.  I think we both let our emotions take over our fingers.  Live and learn, I say.  No hard feelings anymore on my end.  Best wishes to you.
  
  Sweet-Cookie - I am learning ways to compensate for that which I have trouble doing now.  I do continually strive to understand my triggers and find ways around them.  I have not, nor am I going to give up.  Thanks for your kind words.
  

• sweet_cookie01 said on Apr 23, 2007....

  Cagney... dont worry you are not alone....

  HBC.... actually for me i didnt get that much affected... each one is entitled to his own opinion... but i do appreciate the concern and effort you made of apologizing. I dont know you much but  you are a good man.

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