• secretlife said on Apr 21, 2007....

  It deep feel very good!
   
  i always say...the grass always looks greener on the other side...until you get to the other side...then it's still grass that requires mowing and raking and seeding and fertilizing and weeding....right?
   
  I always tell my male friends.....we're all basically the same.  maybe a new model, but underneath, we're all basically the same. 
   
  it's easy to be 'in love' and in la la land with someone who you don't live with, don't share children with, don't share a full time life with.  the hard thing is to love the person you live with and raise your kids with and do most of the living with.
   
  some days i think monogamy is just bullshit.  it's doomed. it cannot survive.  people take each other for granted, things get old, boring, supply your adjective.
   
  i don't know.
   
  i do know that i've sliced and diced the relationship thing just about every way you can imagine-  once you're married with kids, it's a no win, no matter what you do.
  i mean this is just my experience and opinion, but from one woman who's tried very hard to have her own "secret life"...haha...like there's actually time for more than a few secret hours, and if very lucky, days.
   
  if only i wasn't so hooked on the fairy tales!

• mystrongopinions said on Apr 21, 2007....

  Monogamy is....indeed crap...or there weren't be so many people pursuing other relationships...I don't think that one person has what it takes to make anyone happy...and to force it upon ourselves, just makes everyone miserable...
   
  But the alternative of just roaming around, doesn't sound appealing either...doomed if you do...doomed if you don't....
   
  Marriage is tricky...my hat goes off to the people that pull it off for years and years...maybe I'm too selfish...don't know...
   
  I've had a pretty good one, if you compare it to others...no abuse...he's a great guy, hard working and considerate...but, kinda on the blah side....
   
  We overcame some severe intimacy issues...that I referenced in that other post....and things are ok....but, having married so young...I never realized I'd want different things by the time I was 35...
   
  So, I've changed....and kinda woke up, and my life is what it is....
  Don't mean to sound like it's hell or anything...it's a good life...but, since it's the only one I'll get...I kinda wanted it to be great....
   
  But then you have other people to consider...and then round and round you go...only to land in the same place....
  So, as you say...better a little bit of pick me up whatever the heck...lol, than nothing....
   
  I can enjoy a good fairy tale too...but when it feels like I might be left asleep forever after pulling a Snow White and prince charming is on vacation with his wife....it doesn't strike me as the place I want to be....
   
  Better awake with the frog....than nowhere with the prince....

• minniemouse said on Apr 21, 2007....

  From reading your posts, it feels like we are living in very similar worlds.  I posted on another of your blogs, jokingly, to get out of my head, because the words could have been coming from me as well.  Its hard when you feel that you connect so well with someone other than your spouse.  The logical part of you screams to get a grip, while your heart says you only live once.....don't you want to be happy?  Why can't you have the prince?  And with the frog, are you really awake?  I just feel alive with my frog.  Its all way harder than I expected (or tried to con myself into thinking!). 

• mystrongopinions said on Apr 22, 2007....

  lol Minnie, yes I remember your post....it's
  interesting how different people can feel
  the same things and be in similar situations,
  I guess we're all dreamers...and hopeless
  romantics that want to be swept away by
  princes and live in fairy tales...but who
  wouldn't? A life where everything is rose
  colored...birds chirp and an interesting man
  is crazy about us....
  But, we end up taking what little of that fairy
  tale as we can get...to be able to dream...
  a little....and smile once in awhile...
  I do understand why...but I get frustrated
  sometimes thinking, I'm smarter than this...
  we probably all are...but our brains cease
  to function, when we're in la la land...lol...
  I'm one of these possesive dominant
  personalities, and can't really accept to
  be someone else's second choice....even
  though we're on the same boat, because I'm
  also spoken for...funny, eh?...lol
  So I struggle...flip flop...as he says...throw
  emotional tantrums like the one above....
  only to end up right where I started...
  wanting to get as much or as little as I can...
  of us....one day at a time...
  It doesn't help that he's not an ass....
  or user...but quite the opposite....he's as
  kind a soul as I've ever met....smart,
  opinionated....and very charming....so, I'm
  pretty much a goner....
  He puts up with all of my crap....with a smile
  and he tells me day in and day out...that he's
  not going anywhere....
  I push him away...and he calls...tell him to
  fly a kite....and he's sending me a message...
  I get bitchy, and he asks when we'll meet
  again....pretty impressive for a guy....
  So...here I am....in a situation that I'd really
  prefer not to be in...but am enjoying way too
  much to give up....very selfish...but,
  we only get one shot at this life....

• Alyss said on Apr 22, 2007....

  mso, I've never believed in fairy tales either and I've worked damn hard on my marriage but it simply hasn't worked. Yes he's a good man, a kind man, a man who has been mostly responsible but he doesn't actually care enough about me to even begin to take the steps necessary for me to be happy.
  
  Relationship counselling didn't help, in fact it made it worse as he'd just sit there saying 'I am happy as things are' without taking any heed of what I was asking for, giving it no credence whatsoever and I wasn't asking for the stars, just to be appreciated and valued and maybe even loved. Deciding to call it a day has been on of the most difficult things I have ever done.
   
  So time is up for me and him after 16 years I can stand it no more. I can stand the emotional abuse and neglect no longer and in two months my life will be very different.
  
  I never meant to look for the end of the rainbow and being the cynic that I am find I simply don't believe in the romance of being in love and yet, I still hope.
  

• mystrongopinions said on Apr 22, 2007....

  Sorry to hear Alyss....a failed relationship
  is always painful, no matter how relieved
  your new founded freedom might make you..
  You need to remember though that it takes
  two...to make it or break it...and that as
  much as we try...we can't carry a marriage
  on our own....
  No, life isn't a fairy tale....but it can be as
  much of it as we make it....by connecting
  with the right people...those that make us
  feel good, instead of down...
  Trying to spend some time doing what we
  like...
  Yes, real life happens fast and we don't
  always make time for this...but it's needed
  to stop and smell the roses....
  Like John Lennon said....Life is what
  happens when you're busy making other
  plans...
  Well...here it is...your life...embrace it..
  and make it what you want....it's the only
  chance you'll get...
  Best of luck to you...Smiles...

• minniemouse said on Apr 22, 2007....

  Yes, I never thought I would be in this situation.....don't like the turmoil of emotions and confusion it has brought on me.  But on the other hand, I have never felt more ALIVE in my life.  I feel like I've had a kick in the pants to live again, or that I've come out of a coma......life is not a race, its a journey.....somebody said that (lol) and its true.  I'm always hurrying to get to the end, but I can't enjoy the now.....always have to have the solution now, why can't we just kick back and relax?  Sigh.......

• mystrongopinions said on Apr 22, 2007....

  Smiles...I agree with the alive part...and
  can sooooo relate....

• PeenkEyedDevil said on Apr 24, 2007....

       But sometimes the fling is the hand that helps you out. I have tried to leave my dh once before and i wasnt strong enough. And your right it takes two to tango. Im tired of dragging him onto the dance floor. time has come. While our situations may be similar MSO i can see this is where we differ.  I need more than ever to get out, and my affair reminds me that i can, that i am strong enough. It is so nice though to see through all of your posts and everyones replies that im not alone.
   
       I'm not the only one driving on this freeway. Though we have differing exits, we all seem to be going North. Thank god for traffic!
   
  Peenk E

• mystrongopinions said on Apr 25, 2007....

  Smiles...amen.

• secretlife said on Apr 25, 2007....

  AMEN!

• AnnonymousNympho said on Apr 27, 2007....

  I can't really add anything to this conversation that hasn't already been said but I see my life in everything that has been written here and so appreciate all the soul-baring.
   

• tooneedychick said on Oct 08, 2007....

  I bookmarked this months ago and go back to it every once in a while. Sounds like you and I are in VERY similar situations!! Not sure if you're still in yours or not.... But you're right -- If you can't keep the emotions out of it and take it for what it is -- a fling, a distraction from reality -- then forget about it! I get so miserable sometimes thinking "why isn't he calling, why didn't he pay much attention to me today?"... and then I think "what the hell am I thinking?" Why does he have to do anything at all?? He doesn't!!! This is a fling, a meaningless fling that will never go anywhere. Neither of us will ever leave our spouses. I have no desire to leave my husband. He's never, EVER going to leave his wife. I'm just enjoying the little bit of excitement this provides... until I get too caught up in it (like today) and I get sad. Reading your post helps me remember that this is a FLING and nothing more. I wish I could shut my emotions off without having to tell myself to do it. But if don't work on shutting down my emotions when it comes to him I get sad and it defeats the purpose of the FLING!!! Ugh, I need to get over myself!!!! There, I feel better already, you're right it does help to yell at yourself :)

• lisamay said on Oct 27, 2007....

  really enjoyed this
  it seems more and more women are having flings ... just like the guys.
  hey its just sex ok?
  i think if we all realize this, we will all be better off.
  
  

• anonymous said on Feb 13, 2008....

  Totally into another woman's husband and was stupid enough to tell him. We are both married and he freaked out. I almost lost him but was able to reel him back in by telling him I had no expectations other than enjoying great sex with a friend. It still is difficult but I am willing to keep those things to myself and provide him with all the wild afternoons we can squeeze in. Sexing him the way no wife ever would and enjoying it all the way. The quickest way to lose a man is to act like he is yours.

• lisamay said on Feb 14, 2008....

  great point.
  but when he does move on, will you be cool with it ?
  ive had only 3 affairs,  and only twice with each one..
  but yea, its just sex :)
  good sex, but still, just sex
  

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