last night before i left work i finished my last post for day. and i mentioned hobos and street kids.
well when i walked to the bus station i was jumped by 4 guys. there are tons of people in town around that time. peak traffic as well. when i took a corner i could feel something was wrong. someone was behind me and i could see two other people starting to surround and try corner me. they mustve been around 17, 18. the main looking guy jumped infront of me and started shouting ' what you got for me white bitch, hey im fucking talking to you' - i just tired to walk as fast as i could and look ahead. he started tugging on my arm. i tried to run but the street i was crossing was busy and cars where just racing down the road. they could see i was being harrassed, but did they stop their cars or slow down to let me cross the road? NO. getting home 1minute later would be too much for these drivers to bare.
he started swearing in half afrikaans and i just looked forward and focused on getting to the bus station across the road - i wasnt sure if they would go there bcos theres security at the station. (not like the security guards here are useful). i just ran and was so close to getting knocked over - but i didnt care. they kept on saying ' dont you fucking run white bitch' the guys started slowing their pace down after me when they saw how close i was to the station and the one guy said ' you can run but you cant hide cunt' . ' we WILL get you' .
my mind didnt register what happened and as i walked to my stop my legs felt like they were going to give in. my entire body was shaky and i was breathing so fast and hard it hurt. i thought i was having a panic attack. i just lit a smoke and calmed my nerves down.
i feel like such a stupid helpless lamb. the victim. the women that walks alone in a dark alley. im so mad and so scared at the same time. im so angry that im not big enough or mean enough to defend myself. pepper spray wouldnt work bcos of the south easterly winds we get here in capetown, i would end up getting myself sprayed. a stun gun wouldnt work bcos they would be more inticed to get that away from me than my hand bag. plus they are always in groups. and i cant see behind my head. i dont know what im going to do. i hate being scared. i feel so small. its a bunch of fucking stupid juvenilles. im a grown young women - that feels the size of a fucken match stick right now .
town is so dangerous here- these kids travel in groups of 4/5, they stand around a corner and abush you - so that your confused and dont realy see it coming. they move around you and all start tugging and swearing at you to make you scared, to make you give up. i guess i should be thankful i wasnt stabbed or assalted- hopefully there wont be a next time.
