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Ok people lets be honest. :) Im a 26 yr. old female. I have been in a relationship for 7 years with a man i consider my husband. He is 43 wonderfull funny and extremly loving. We met when I was 19 and have been together ever since then. We are alwasys together at home and at work except for the last two and a half years while he has been in prison.
 
 He is there for something white collar that some one else is the point person for. N-e-way when he went I decided to stick it out with him. I was suprised to find waiting has not been that hard I really love him. This last 2 1/2 yrs is the first time i have ever lived completly alone and i rather enjoy it when im not missing my hubby. We are six months away from him coming home and we are both so excited. The day can't come fast enough. 
 
In the interum i have done some more growing up in the last couple of years being on my own. I am much more in tune with my own opinions wants and needs. My hubby is the epitomy of the alpha male chest beating cave man which causes a few arguments  here and there. Especially since I was happy to let him be in charge and take care of everything with out objecting to strongly before. So here is the hard part. We have to re-intrgrate our lives and resume our lives together but if he is alpha male and im uesd to being the alpha bitch now how do we put it back together with out tearing each other apart or killing our relationship?


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  • MissMimi said on Apr 18, 2007....

    He's been gone for a long time, and in that time, you've grown and become more mature because you've been taking care of yourself.  You can't both be the alpha at the same time.  He still thinks things are the way they were. Not only will he be acclimating himself to being out of prison, he will be getting to know the new you. There will be disagreements, and probably big ones.

     I might suggest some couples counseling to try to negotiate a relationship that you can both live with. I don't know what else to suggest, because quite honestly, I think the two of you are in for a rough road.  You love each other, so maybe if you both work hard at it, you can do it.   I wish you the very best of luck.

  • secretlife said on Apr 18, 2007....
    oh boy is that going to be an interesting homecoming....
     
    you've got 6 months to think about it...and discuss it with him-
    are there things you do now that you really want to keep doing that he was doing before?
    are there things you can't wait for him to pick up doing again?
     
    write down the things you think (list form) you might argue about...
    ask him to do the same and compare your lists...
     
    also, is it possible that you might not really be the alpha bitch you think you've become? 
    and maybe he's no longer feeling like he has to be the alpha male?
     
    the only to find out is to talk...
     
    good luck
  • secretsubmission said on Apr 18, 2007....
    Miss mimi Thanks we seeach other 3times a week and disagree now on aolt but we have commited to not leave one another and to always do what it takes to work it out. Which after 7 years i am very confidant in that. Secret life Part of me will be happy he will be there to take care of me again and ill have him home to care for and i wont have it all on my shoulders any more. But........ there is a part of me that is always defending my right to choose this and decide that and i dont know how to back off that part of my self. He is a great man and he makes good decisions and he takes good care of me. I think im going to writ that list and ask him to also b/c i know he is still feelin like the alpha male Thanks
  • Lucytorial said on Apr 19, 2007....
    Hi There SSUB, interesting story I met my husband 11 years ago and although he didn't go away for any period of time he had cancer, he is a very dominant person and likes to be in control all the time however he loved me and i loved him so what we agreed to do was to let each other grow and be who we needed to be and support that anyway we could without feeling a loss of control should we have to wait to do something of our own.
     
    His cancer lasted the first 6 years of our marraige in that time I grew up you could say I'm only 33 FYI. Slowly but surely he started to realise that I needed more space to grow and by myself and use my talents enjoying watching me more than controling me.  He still takes care of me only in a different way, I still take care of him too but we have our own lives outside of our marriage... we love each other dearly and like you I would never let anything tear us apart our journey is important and so are each of su in it.
     
    If you both truly believe that you can and want to work through any challenges you can! communication is the key, the more you talk and listen to him and let yourself show him how much you have grown the more he will talk and listen to you.... its a balance and takes a while... I actually married my husband after him having asked me several years in a row but even if he didn't we'd still consider ourselves married... Good luck and have a little faith in your decissions, his and be ready for some interesting changes and growth periods...
     
     
  • secretsubmission said on Apr 19, 2007....
    Thanks lucy I do believe we can work through any thing.
    I have also been blessed by the grace of god with patience when it comes
    to my husband which im thankfull for.
  • silverwhisper said on Apr 19, 2007....
    i cannot possibly improve upon what's already been said.

    ed

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