The response to my last "favourite" post kind of blew me away! Thanks to all those responding. It was alot of fun for me to read and try and keep up with all the responses. And I have learned so much about some of my fellow SCers (who knew the choice of a movie line could do that?)
This got me wondering (moose/muffin thoughts again) What are your Favourite Comics? Which lead me back to one-liners, which leads me to....
What are your favourite ....
Comedy Bits!
Here's something to get you started...
"Support bacteria- they're the only culture some people have."
Steven Wright
"I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a
guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. . . . That can
keep me awake for days..."
Billy Connolly
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Swizzle posted on Apr 18, 2007
| views: 361
Comments
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silverwhisper said on Apr 18, 2007....
hm...i need to think about this a bit more before responding with anything.
ed -
beyondtheveil said on Apr 18, 2007....
"I want my food dead- not sick, not wounded- dead". -Woody Allen"Its a dog eat dog world and I'm wearing milk bone underwear"- Norm "Cheers""I hacked my way through the Columbian jungle with PMS so bad the leopards fled in terror". Candice Bergen in "Murphy Brown" -
botoni said on Apr 18, 2007....
If you dont dust you can tell where to put things back......Phyllis Diller. -
skinandbones said on Apr 18, 2007....
Little boy blue...he needed the money...
Andrew Dice Clay...sorry, couldn't resist..and for the record, it is the cleanest of his nursery rhymes.
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Swizzle said on Apr 18, 2007....
“Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list.”
Dennis Leary
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skinandbones said on Apr 19, 2007....
Ok. It's a little long, and its from a song, but it is still funny as piss!
Life's Goona Suck When You Grow Up - Dennis Leary
Life's gonna suck when you grow up, when you grow up, when you grow up
Life's gonna suck when you grow up, it sucks pretty bad right now
Hey, if you know the words, sing along
You're gonna have to mow the lawn, do the dishes, make your bed
You're gonna have to go to school until you're seventeen
It's gonna seem about tree times as long as that
You might have to go to war, shoot a gun, kill a nun
You might have to go to war when you get out of school
Hey cheer up kids, it gets a lot worse
You're gonna have to deal with stress, deal with stress, deal with stress
You're gonna be a giant mess when you get back from the war
Santa Claus does not exist, and there is no Easter Bunny
You'll find out when you grow up that Big Bird isn't funny
Life's gonna suck when you grow up, when you grow up, when you grow up
Life's gonna suck when you grow up, it sucks pretty bad right now
You're gonna end up smoking crack, on you're back, face the fact
You're gonna end up hooked on smack and then you're gonna die
And then you're gonna die
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Swizzle said on Apr 19, 2007....
I Love that one!!!!!!, But then again I also love the A-hole song
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skinandbones said on Apr 19, 2007....
ask and you shall receive...
http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=6WiV2fyvRbs
Folks, Id like to sing a song about the American Dream
About me, about you
About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottom of our chests
About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts
Maybe below the cockles,
Maybe in the sub cockle area,
Maybe in the liver, maybe in the kidneys,
Maybe even in the colon, we dont know
Im just a regular Joe, with a regular job
Im your average white, suburbanized slob
I like football and porno and books about war
I got an average house, with a nice hardwood floor
My wife and my job, my kids and my car
My feet on my table, and a Cuban cigar
But sometimes that just aint enough to keep a man like me interested
(oh no, no way, uh uh)
No I gotta go out and have fun at someone elses expense
(woah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah)
I drive really slow in the ultra fast lane
While people behind me are going insane
Im an asshole (hes an asshole,what an asshole)
Im an asshole (hes an asshole, such an asshole)
I use public toilets and I piss on the seat
I walk around in the summer time saying "how about this heat?"
Im an asshole (hes an asshole,what an asshole)
Im an asshole (hes the worlds biggest asshole)
Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces
While handicapped people make handicapped faces
Im an asshole (hes an asshole,what an asshole)
Im an asshole (hes a real fucking asshole)
Maybe I shouldnt be singing this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe theyre right when they tell me Im wrong...
Nah
Im an asshole (hes an asshole,what an asshole)
Im an asshole (hes the worlds biggest asshole)
You know what Im gonna do
Im gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac Eldorado convertible
Hot pink, with whale skin hubcaps
And all leather cow interior
And big brown baby seal eyes for head lights (yeah)
And Im gonna drive in that baby at 115 miles per hour
Gettin' 1 mile per gallon,
Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonalds
In the old fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers
And when Im done sucking down those greeseball burgers
Im gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag
And then Im gonna toss the styrofoam containers right out the side
And there aint a goddamn thing anybody can do about it
You know why, because weve got the bombs, thats why
2 words, nuclear fucking weapons, OK?
Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want
They can have a big democracy cakewalk
Right through the middle of Tiananmen Square
and it wont make a lick of difference
Because weve got the bombs, OK?
John Wayne's not dead, hes frozen, and as soon as we find a cure for cancer
Were gonna thaw out the duke and hes gonna be pretty pissed off
You know why,
Have you ever taken a cold shower, well multiply that by 15 million times
Thats how pissed off the dukes gonna be!
I'm gonna get the Duke, and John Cassavetes,
and Lee Marvin, and Sam Peckinpah, and a case of whiskey,
and drive down to Texas and say.....
(Hey! You know, you really are an asshole!)
Why don't you just shut up and sing the song, pal?
Im an asshole (hes an asshole.what an asshole)
Im an asshole (hes the worlds biggest asshole)
A-S-S-H-O-L-E
Everybody
A-S-S-H-O-L-E
Im an asshole and Im proud of it
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Swizzle said on Apr 20, 2007....
S&B- I love it! -
Swizzle said on Apr 20, 2007....
“The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.”
Robin Williams
http://www.soulcast.com/post/show/60320/2nd-Amendment
For S&B
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clocks said on Apr 30, 2007....
Everytime i tell a joke all she does is say"that's so funny",she never laughs!
Comment on "Back to favourites! Comedy bits."
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