I need to apologize to some people. Unfortunately I can't do it in person, so I am doing it now. Maybe some way, somehow, they will read this and will know I am sorry.
To John L (I can't remember your last name). In high school, when you were being picked on all the time, I didn't come to your defense. I didn't speak up. I didn't do anything, and I am sorry. I was one of the sheep. I should have befriended you, not shunned you like all the others. I know how mean kids can be, and I want you to know I am so sorry that I didn't stand up for you.
To the lady at the store I was rude to... I am sorry. I was in a bad mood, but that isn't your fault. It is no excuse and I want you to know I am embarassed that I took my grumpyness out on you. If people weren't so damn selfish and rude to others, maybe we wouldn't have as many problems in the world. I'm sorry and I hope I didn't ruin your day, because when I got home and thought about the way I had acted, it ruined mine.
To my husband. I am so very sorry. I am a poor excuse for a wife and I know it. You don't even know what I am really sorry for, and I hope you will never find out. You don't deserve to be cheated on. I don't know what is wrong with me, but I want you to know I do appreciate you and I feel very lucky to have you. I am sorry that I hurt you, sorry if I don't respect you enough or treat you right.
To my college teacher... you probably don't even remember me, but once, I fell asleep in your class. When I woke up, everyone was laughing, thinking it was funny. But you probably didn't think it was so funny. I am sorry I was so unappreciative of the fact that you were trying to teach me something. I should have been paying attention, and I wasn't. I was taking you for granted and I am sorry.
To my mom, I am sorry for every stupid or dumb or mean thing I ever did or said to you. The last year has been a revelation for me, I have found out just how much I love you. I appreciate you more now than I ever have. You might be the one person in the world who will love me unconditionally. That is so amazing and profound to me. I was a jerk to you when I was a teenager. Even as I grew older, I did things that hurt you although I didn't mean to. Mom, please realize that even though I don't tell you often, you mean everything to me, and next to my children you are the person I love most in the world. I'm so sorry if I did or ever do anything to hurt you.
To my child.... this is the biggest sorry of all. I'm sorry I didn't keep you. I'm sorry I didn't let you have a chance. I will never forgive myself. It has been 12 years and I still pray for forgiveness every day for killing you. You haunt me and you will never leave me. How can I even begin to apologize to you? It is way beyond a simple "I'm Sorry". You would have been beautiful. You would have been smart. But me, in my selfish way, took it away from you. I could give you many excuses, but none are good enough. Please please forgive me. I am so sorry. I will never stop crying over you. I will never stop wishing I had made better choices. I will never stop hating the fact that I was so stupid that you had to pay for my stupidity. Please please forgive me. You will always be my baby, and I count you as one of my children, even though I never held you. You are a part of me as surely as the other 4. This apology is the hardest, and it breaks my heart to even write these words. But I must apologize. You need to know that your mommy is sorry, she is broken hearted and she will never forgive herself. She deserves everything she gets, but you didn't deserve what she gave you. I'm sorry.
There are others I need to aplogize to, but I can't write anymore, it's too awful to have to face my many failures. But please accept my apology, and know that I am trying to learn from my mistakes.
