But I have been at a loss with this distraction I have found. And I needed to guage my actions and feelings. As fantastic a listener as you are, I needed someone to smack me and say "wake up!". So I broke out the big guns. I called Jaim and told her the whole sordid story. I told her how I met TD and how I felt. How I feel emotionally and physically when I am with him.
We talked about dh. She has been there for me throughout my marraige. And at the lowest point she helped me leave. I couldn't go through with it but she was there to pick me up and put me back together. She stood by me and held my hand as I walked back.
Today Jaim had some odd advice, "as long as it doesn't turn into an emotional affair you're ok." She knows this isn't a physical reltionship I have with TD. And it wont turn into one. The distance makes it impossible. (At least not unless I win the lottery.)
But what is an emotional affair? Is it if I fall in love with another man? If I do what does that mean? That I dont love my husband? What if I dont love him now? If I have stopped loving him now for whatever reason... why can't I love another man. If dh has cut the strings of my heart, if he has severed them with his selfishness, then has no claim on my love. Right?
Im not saying I love TD. I dont think that is possible. Not at this level. Honestly I think it is a fling. He is filling a hole in my heart and life. A hole dug by dh... but I gave him the shovel didn't I?
So if its not physical, and its not love.. is it an affair?
