• AlisonMarie19 said on Apr 14, 2007....

  I don't think that most people are capable of this. As Jerry Springer says, "If you are in love with two people, you don't love either enough." I believe that, and in my experiences, it's been very true.
   
                                 ^-^ ali m.

• mystrongopinions said on Apr 14, 2007....

  I believe that we're capable of having strong feelings for more than one person at a time...but the nature of the
  relationships are usually different.
  I don't think a person's heart is restricted...we feel what we
  feel...and it doesn't understand about amounts...
  When people are kind...and caring...and we feel an attraction....we bond...and ongoing bonds...in time...can become love....and this is not exclusive of one person...or between only two people at a time....
  Whether those feelings are acted upon or not...is an entire different blog in itself....but you asked can we? I say YES.

• AlisonMarie19 said on Apr 14, 2007....

  MSO- but can you LOVE two people in the same way at the same time? That's brown's question. I don't think that you can. My mom loves me, and she loves my dad. But they are two different kinds of love.
   
                         ^-^ ali m.

• mystrongopinions said on Apr 14, 2007....

  Well, I guess we'd need to define what that means...in the same way....

  I love my three children....equally...as strongly...but they have different personalities so, the relationship is different with each....

  I love my friends...as intensly...but have different kinds of relationships with all of them....

  I've loved more than one man in my life....still do...and although the situations are completely different...the intensity of the feeling is the same...

  So yes, the nature of feelings can be different, brotherly love is not the same as romantic love...but you can love two brothers...the same....and at the same time...

  You can sigh and dream about two men at the same time...it's not an ideal situation...but it can very well happen...

   

• AlisonMarie19 said on Apr 14, 2007....

  Good rationale. I don't know if I could do it. I did it once, and it was awful. For everyone involved.
                                   ^-^ ali m.

• luci-fur said on Apr 14, 2007....

  i agree with that mso, i think you can love as many people as you want, but you will love people in different ways.  I don't exactly believe that you can have a really intense intimate give-all-your-time-to relationship with 2 people at once. One of them will be a different kind of love. One of them will at some point take a back seat to the other one. 

  But then who would want to do that? Take a backseat that is, when they were used to the front seat. *ponders*. And then who would want to inflict that on someone? But that is outside the question BS asked anyway.

  luci

   

• mystrongopinions said on Apr 14, 2007....

  I don't think anyone really chooses a back seat luci...it just

  sorta happens...and if the feelings are strong...and the

  emotions run high....it doesn't seem like a backseat after

  all....

  It's not really a competition, although we tend to see it that

  way...as long we're cared about and care...why does it

  really have to matter...front seat, back seat...as long as

  we're all in the car....Smiles.

• rhodochrosite said on Apr 14, 2007....

  hmmm , see i see life as all about choices.
   
  I guess i'm looking at it from the perspective of being with a person who all of a sudden chooses to share their love and time with another person.. which then makes the first person feel they are taking a back seat.  And not only back seat but a whole array of different feelings and emotions.
   
  But the first person can then choose to stay in that type of situaton or choose not to. I personally would choose not to. Because i won't share and i won't take a back seat with any person i'm involved with.  But they (the first person) can only choose not to stay, when they fully informed about the second person. Before that they didn't have a choice because they didn't know.  yes they are all in the same car, but shouldn't they all know about each other??
   
  i've probably digressed. This is contentious issue for me right now :(
  I'd rather not be in the car (using your metaphor) with 3 people. i only want to be in the car with 1 other person.

• mystrongopinions said on Apr 14, 2007....

  Choices and priorities indeed....they're not the same
  for all of us....
  It's not the scenario anyone hopes or dreams about...
  the whole concept of sharing, I think doesn't come
  easy to anyone...when we're in a relationship we want
  it to be...forever, and completely exclusive...
  But that's life in black and white...rationally perfect and all in it's place...
  Then there's gray....emotions...nothing is ever perfect,
  and people sometimes hurt....I'm sorry that you are now...

• luci-fur said on Apr 14, 2007....

  thats ok :) i just think all men suck. and if they don't now, they will soon, just give them time. negative i know. but whatever.. i might become a lesbian. *rolls eyes*

• Zayda said on Apr 14, 2007....

  There are many people in the world who practice polyamory. I am not one of them, but I do believe that it's possible to love two people at the same time. I believe it's possible to love two people romantically at the same time--with the same level of love, or equally.
  
  
  However, equal levels of love for two people do not always mean you love them in the same way. Think about your friendships; do you love all your friends in exactly the same way?

• boyzmom said on Apr 14, 2007....

  I agree with MSO and Zayda- yes it is possible to love more than one person with the same intensity, it may not be an ideal situation though and Rhodo is probably right that there shouldn't be a secret between the three because that is not really loving them but keeping them around just in case.

• CamDaMan20 said on Apr 14, 2007....

  Not a problem, I live eat and breath for the two women of my household and each know it and live it equally.  I love certain qualities of one vs. the other ( Jessica is great at baking (various breads, pies, cakes cookies ect), (wherein cin is more of the whole course of gal, she can feed from 1 to 100 and remain organized but hates to bake).
  
  Living life in a "home" w/ a "family" is what you are neglecting to point out as to how is it possible. Communication is key, without it, all other elements of any relationship are left unsupported.
  
  Yes, you can love 2 or 3 0r 4, but....you can not be prisoner to "tradition".
  
  Cam.
  

• hunter_boyce_chandler said on Apr 14, 2007....

  I am not a poly person, I mean not for lack of trying.  I've never met the two or three lesbian phd's that I would have the balls to introduce to my wife.  Not that she'd be into it, but you never know.

  HBC

  (this is an attempt at humor and should not be construed as an endorsment of socially destructive or at risk sexual behavior.  Such endorsement if it in fact existed would be accompanied by a quit claim clause holding harmless the managing participant from any and all civil and legal claims by any other party engaged in such contractual agreement.)

• Nowteam said on Apr 14, 2007....

  In order for my love to deepen, There has to be exclusivity. If not, the lack of trust will erode my feelings until we don't have a relationship anymore. It is very easy for me to walk away if my partner trys to add someone else to the picture.

• mirrored_soul said on Apr 15, 2007....

  It's fully possible to love more than one person equally.  Polyamory only works if all parties involved agree to the make-up and function of the relationship.

• missb said on Apr 15, 2007....

  Hey brown,
  
  Long time no see :) Hope you're all ok. Anyway, IMHO, you can love two people at the same time and with the same level of love. But then again, the kind of love might be different. Like you love your parents and spouse/children.
  
  But romantically, between a man and a woman, i don't think it can be equal or the same level of love. But, that's just me :)
  
  Cheers!
  
  

• louthomas said on Apr 15, 2007....

  Having been in that box several times, I have to say that, for this man, at least, the answer is "Yes."  It is rare for one person to be able to meet all the wants/needs of his or her partner.  The problem with a "polyamory" relationship is if you are forced, by circumstances or participants, to make a CHOICE.  You can love them equally, and for different reasons, but with the same degree of intensity.
  
  If forced to make a choice, you end up like the cartoon of the shipwrecked guy having to make a choice between two mermaids: one whose human half is the top, the other whose human half is the bottom.
  

• love_hurts said on Apr 15, 2007....

  i think you can love two men at the same time, but not on the same level. i know from expierence. thats why im up here, to get opinions on what i should do.

• AlisonMarie19 said on Apr 15, 2007....

  I was wondering when Cam would chime in. I was looking forward to what you had to say on this topic.
   
  I still stand by my claim that you cannot love two people in the same way, at the same time. That was the original question, and I'm sticking to my answer.
   
        (=^-^=) ali m.

• CamDaMan20 said on Apr 15, 2007....

  Alison:  Don't be shy, just out right ask me any question.
  
  Your question remains upon ambiguous grounds, and as it should since the question was put forth as such.
  
  Every person is an individual, each a tad to diametrically opposed to one another.  That is what makes us all individuals.
  
  But, I do not survive on the premise that "there is but a single person" I can be allowed to love in life. I do love each of my children equally, I love my women, equally, yet each are different in their own light, but equally loved.
  
  Love can not be described by a number  (how much do you love me ? how is it measured?).  Love is an emotion, not a formula or a fraction.
  
  Limiting your love to a single entity is a social illness based upon  selfishness,  an inability to comprehend that fulfillment comes not  in  a  "one size fits all". Love for some is merely bragging rights of ownership as in....I love you, you better love me, or I shall kill you... 
  
  If Love is a number for you, then your missing out.
  
  Cam.
  
  
  
  
  
   
  

• mystrongopinions said on Apr 15, 2007....

  Very well said, Cam.

• AlisonMarie19 said on Apr 15, 2007....

  All I know is that from my personal experience, I have the ability to love more than one person at one time, but no good has ever come of it. I don't share well, and I don't expect to be shared. That's just me. I won't apologize for it, and I'm not going to feel bad about it. If loving more than one person does it for you, that's fine! I don't think you are a bad person or anything! I'm just saying, for me, it has to be a mutually exclusive relationship. I get too confused otherwise.
   
           =(^-^)=   ali m.

• CamDaMan20 said on Apr 16, 2007....

  Thats why they sell boxers and superman (snickers) types, different strokes for different folks.
  
  But at least you tried it (curious however, do you mean you were involved with 2 men simultaneously or 2 women and a single man ?). 
  
  Whats to apologize for ? Thanx for not thinking of me as not a "bad person or anything"...lol  
  
  I'm just saying, for me, it has to be a mutually exclusive relationship. I get too confused otherwise.   Mutual agreement, odd, we have that very same word in our relationship, except we are not confused in any fashion whatsoever.
  
  Cam
  

• Jivan924 said on Apr 16, 2007....

  A mature person who knows what love means can love as many as he can.

  If what you mean by love is romantic and sexual kind of love, then you can't really love two or more because the other party just won't be happy.  And you want her to be happy. So you chose one that you love more, the one you'll follow.

  In my case, I truly love someone but I can't be with her.  But that shouldn't stop me from loving others. You might say, it'll be unfair to the girl I will love because she's a second choice.  Truth is love an act... I love that girl that I can't be with. In my heart I love her. But I need to move on and love the girl who I can be with.

• louthomas said on Apr 16, 2007....

  Jivan: someone wrote an entire song on that outlook, called (appropriately enough), "If I can't be near the girl I love, I'll love the girl I'm near."  It was a sizeable hit when it first came out.

• brown_sagittarius said on Apr 16, 2007....

  thank you all...

  anyway...what is the difference of "love one another" and

  "love another one".

  also..."go and multiply" from "multiply and go"?

   

• botoni said on Apr 16, 2007....

  Brown Sagitarius....and all. Some key points that I notice here but the one that strikes me as most important in a poly situation is that all three have knowledge of the situation. In that circumstance I might contemplate living in such an arrangement but not likely. I ve been, presumably, the primary lover in a relationship where my partner had a wife (not initially to my knowledge) and also chose to have other male partners. He attempted to keep his other relationships secret from me. When I discovered each of them I was felt betrayed. He couldnt get the point that honesty and openness where the required ingredient. He couldnt fathom that I needed to be offered the choice of being in such a relationship.
  As for actually loving two people in a romantic sense and with full involvement I think some, like cam, are perfectly capable of that sort of relationship. It would not be my choice but there is no judgement from me if others make that choice.

• moonriver said on Apr 17, 2007....

  brown -- i've been thinking about this myself since i was a 5-yr old child thumbsucking on my mama's lap, while thinking dirty thoughts about my two teenage cousins undressing in the same room. i've been doing some concubinage research these past years. some ancient oriental manuscripts kept by monks in Xizang Zizhiqu have found an answer to this universal human dilemma, which can be summed up thus: depends on how horny you feel today, LOL.
  
  louthomas -- i think you are referring to a crosby stills and nash hit: "if you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with. too-roo-tooo-to-too-to-rooo, too-roo-tooo-to-too-to-rooo, too-roo-roo! too-roo-roo!"
  
  

• AlisonMarie19 said on Apr 17, 2007....

  Cam-
  I don't get the boxers and superman thing. ??

  I didn't try it purposely. The two guys didn't know about each other, but I did love both of them and it was not a good situation.

  So what you are saying is that you three are mutually exclusive to each other?

                      =(^-^)=     ali m

• CamDaMan20 said on Apr 17, 2007....

  Ali: unless the gals decide to bring home an occassional treat..its exclusively we 3 as a cpl.

  Cam.

• fairytaleromance said on Apr 18, 2007....

  This is interesting to me... I currently have a boyfriend who has another girlfriend. She's bi, I'm not sure if I am... I like her as a person but haven't met her in person yet.
  
  I think the key to any relationship, however many people are in the relationship, is honesty and mutuality. If you truly love someone, you will not sneak around on them even in your heart. It's one thing to think someone aside from your partner is hot, it's another to actually want to be with someone else.
  
  I love my boyfriend but I adore two men who I cannot be with... the one because of distance and the other because he's incapable of honesty and mutuality and placed his pride as of more importance than my life. Both the men I adore are already married, it's a problem in one case but not the other. I would be exclusive to one of them for the rest of my life if he asked. (I would prefer not to share him, but if he needs her too I could not deny him that.) Maybe I love him more than the others I love since I'm willing to be that exclusive with him... or maybe love is just love, of different flavours, and we all do the best we can.
  
  My boyfriend knows that I would be happier to be with someone else. It's likely to be temporary, but... he enjoys me while he can and I do love him.
  
  If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with... and if you love more than one and can handle the emotional difficulty of dealing with all the inter-relationships with mutual honesty and caring, then more power to you... but if you can only deal with one, that's your limit and should be respected.
  

• brown_sagittarius said on Apr 22, 2007....

  Love hurts indeed...

• louthomas said on Apr 22, 2007....

  But remember Bsag: if you wall yourself off from the pain, you also wall yourself off from the pleasure.  Trust me when I tell you that's a terrible feeling when finally realized.
  
  No pain, no pleasure ... why live?
  

• brown_sagittarius said on Apr 24, 2007....

  No Pain, No Glory...you are right louthmas... loving two women

  at the same time with the same intensity is difficult but exciting. 

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