i was thinking about RPGs today while reviewing some old blog entries, and i recalled something i hadn’t thought of in a while, which in turn kicked loose the idea for this installment.
i blogged a few times about the fact that i’m a player of roleplaying games (RPGs for short). one of the games i’ve played used what i consider a pretty nifty idea: you select one personality type to serve as your true nature, while selecting a different one to serve as the outward mask portrayed to the rest of the world.
it was an interesting idea to me, and as i thought about it, i realized that it might have some applicability here on soulcast.
i found the idea of interest because many soulcasters have said that the way they conduct themselves here differs from how they conduct themselves IRL*. so the question that inevitably raises is a simple one: which is your true self, the way you are on soulcast, or the way you are IRL?
not that i think there’s a right or wrong answer here: perhaps some are guarded on SC b/c there are things that we don’t want to share, whereas maybe some feel uncomfortable expressing themselves fully in our day to day lives.
the former i can understand—certainly, there are things that i don’t reveal about myself on SC (real name, actual physical location, date of birth) that i would be less concerned sharing in a face to face conversation. the latter i can also understand: being unable to express who you really are and what you’re really feeling can be difficult in certain situations, esp if those things vary radically from the attitudes of those around you.
both of these things are a function of prudence: in the former, it’s protecting oneself from identity theft or potentially stalking; in the latter, it’s protecting oneself from rejection by those we consider close.
but in either case, we use these things to help keep the world at arm’s length. and in my estimation, that’s a good thing.
we need privacy. we need distance from others, at least sometimes. it’s been said that the worst thing that could happen to someone is to be understood completely (sartre?) and i think there’s some truth to that. we sure don’t want just any random person having that same kind of understanding of ourselves, because we don’t trust a stranger’s motives.
this is why i try not to make too much of appearances. the old saying, “appearances can be deceiving” carries with it no small wisdom, IMHO.
so how much does your true self vary from your mask? or is there little difference? and is your SC persona a mask or closer to your true self? comment and let me know.
ed
*IRL: in real life
silverwhisper posted on Apr 06, 2007
| views: 528
Comments
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TinSoldier said on Apr 06, 2007....
This is actually a hard question, silverwhisper. I know it's been discussed before but it's always worth asking.
I do my best to represent myself here as I really am, but I don't think I'm always successful. The way I notice is that there are some differences in how I express myself here versus a couple of other places on the 'net.
I'm much more shy and reserved face-to-face than online.
Regardless, I don't think that the whole "me" comes through online because the only way I can be observed is through the looking glass that I provide to you. You see what I choose to show you. Like a magician, I could be using misdirection for all anyone knows.
But I'm not. It's just that that thought occurred to me.
In real life, you can observe much more than I am aware that I'm sharing with you. So I think there will always be differences. Just like there are differences in the ways we act when alone versus the ways we act differently among different groups of people.
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dailyachesandpains said on Apr 06, 2007....
Ed, I let myself out on SC more than I do IRL. I think I've changed since I first commented on this topic...I feel that I can come here and cry my heart out! IRL I tend to hold things in more. Well, sometimes I do let it out at home, but I try not to.Daily -
polarheart said on Apr 06, 2007....
Ed, why is it that you pose there really difficult questions? ;-)I am trying to be more open here at SC than what I can be in real life. I know to you this might sound really silly. I have friends who are really sweet and lovely IRL, but there just seems to be block as to what I can share with them, we are simply not on the same wavelength. These are recent friendships I am refering to and the most prominent in my life, since my long time friends mostly live in SA.Generally, I am an open book, I find it difficult to hide how I feel. I made a decision a long time ago to be the real me and if others didn't like it, then that was their problem. It took me a long time to decide whether I should post that photograph of myself on my recent "ceremony" post because I feared what people here at SC would think of me. Then I decided that I will do it just to overcome my own fear of being judged and or rejected.I dont want to hide, I dont want to -
polarheart said on Apr 06, 2007....
(sorry, got cut off)I dont want to hide, I dont want to wear masks, I just want to be real. Then if I am liked or even loved it would be to the benefit of the real me and not a fake.Hope this all makes sense(?)Polar :-) -
beyondtheveil said on Apr 06, 2007....
Ed- I was somewhat new at the time of the other question even though I've only been here about eight weeks now. But the answer remains virtually the same. I answer questions and comment the same here as I would in real life, although in more detail IRL due to being able to vocalize person to person.I can honestly find no difference of my reaction to others between the two. I might use more swear words occasionally and many things might come across differently at times, but that is due to not being able to place in writing feelings and intonations always available face to face, not because I would communicate differently.I have released much information of a personal nature and do the same IRL when the proper situation arises to do so. There is a mask I've been using for over fifteen years due to hiding depression, but that is because I will not present a depressive self to anyone if possible. I believe most depressives do that. And its the same whether writing or talking to someone.There is nothing I hide or enhance here, other than information no one gets due to certain things that remain anonymous, like you. I have already broken one rule when I gave my city location. -
rightwingwizard said on Apr 06, 2007....
I think that since I am new to soulcast, to the whole concept of blogging in fact, that I have not yet 'formed' an online personna as such. I believe that I am presenting myself essentially as I really am. At the same time I am discovering things about myself that I had not brought forward before. Do I know what I believe, do I understand why I believe as I do? Are my belief structures changing, if they are; why? I'm not talking about faith as I am relatively sure of my faith and the basis thereof. I'm am talking more about life issues.I comment more than I post at this time, it seems easier to respond to someone elses post or comment than to start a dialogue from nothing. This is a reflection of the real me, as in life I rarely start a conversation. Once someone engages me in dialogue I can go on and on, but don't ask me to start the damn thing off. As a result, most folks here have only gotten an occational glimps of me when they have encountered me rambling around someone elses blog.I am and old fart, as such you would think that I would have ansered most of life's questions, at least to the extent that is possible. I have not. -
missunderstood1162 said on Apr 06, 2007....
What you see is what you get. Either IRL or on line.
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SocialPenguin said on Apr 06, 2007....
Good post. I think it's hard to get anything genuine from people in an online forum. It's true, people do feel more able to fully discuss their true viewpoint without physical intimidation or social repercussion here, but that seems only to enable them to get carried away with themselves.Particularly in political discussions, people get carried away with their unlimited power of speech, and end up going off the deep end. This results in everyone getting to "see" the person only at their most extreme, most reactionary, and most unfettered by the restraints of common decency. I have a few people in mind here, but I won't mention any names. A lot of you are probably thinking of the same people.Forums like this can be a great place for free discussion of thoughts, but it also allows us to see people at their vitriolic worst, instead of their actual persona. -
LadyGamer said on Apr 06, 2007....
I am who I am. Wherever I am. I see no point in hiding the blemishes. They come out eventually. I would rather be rejected for being myself than accepted for being something I'm not. -
missunderstood1162 said on Apr 06, 2007....
totally agree with you LG.....I'm the same way. Besides it's too hard for me to try to be different than I am. The thing I do is allow myself to be MORE of myself I think. -
mom said on Apr 06, 2007....
ED- I am more open here and more obnoxious. I put my foot in my mouth more here. IRL I am more quiet and want to blend in with the walls. I don't know if that's a mask or not. I am honest on here and have fun. So the only difference between myself on here and IRL is that I am more of an extrovert here. -
boyzmom said on Apr 06, 2007....
Since I know people change over time and in different situations, I know for me it depends on what type of situation I am in and what questions are being asked.
My true self is still developing, here and in real life. I would say that I am more open about some things in RL, like where I live, but more open online with things like opinions that I wouldn't discuss at work. Since I don't socialize other than work, that would be more of an opportunity thing.
In real life people say I seem young but are surprised that I have old-fashioned ideals. They say I seem mature or wise but can't understand why I am gullible. I don't think that is a mask, I think it is the fact that I am still growing into who I am and who I want to be.
I think online, people think I am average, I may be wrong, but I really am just an average girl with a lot of experiences to share.
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CreativeWoman said on Apr 06, 2007....
I am pretty bare bones here. I reveal a lot about what makes me tick. When I first came here, I would have said that the real life CW was quite different from the SC CW. My self-esteem and confidence were pretty drained. That is changing though. I'm think I'm merging. :-D
CW
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momsrock said on Apr 06, 2007....
In the past, I have said that I am pretty much the same IRL vs. SC...but I'm not sure if that is really true. I only talk about a select few topics on here and that isn't necessarily the case IRL. I don't know if people on SC could see me as the professional business woman that I am from 9-5 because I don't talk about it here... it's really not that interesting! lol In my case, that would be the mask. I don't think people would trust me as much if they knew how I really acted. lol -
The_three_F_words said on Apr 06, 2007....
Wow. My attempt at virtual and real life, titanic.
SW: I love the way you present your "voice", engaging, inviting, a comfortable, open, safe place to come in, offers intelligent conversation without pomposity, but challenging enough for the nimblest minds. IRL, I would come here for a cup of coffee and face to face conversation. And that is something IRL I would rarely ever do. IRL, participation was dangerous, neutrality and commentary was safer.
I am the observer, the novice, here, for now. The masks I wear, I've lost count of IRL. Too self-reflective, overanalytical, too caught up in the task, forgot to enjoy the journey.
How I talk here is who I am, it just depends on if I am taking a risk or playing it safe. My choices in life makes it difficult to be myself, so adjusting, in varied degrees, is how I have adapted. Hindsight!
I always speak my mind, when I speak, I don't always do it the way I am most comfortable. I do not like to make others uncomfortable or be threatening, or for them to feel unsafe. Being geniune, focused and understanding is what I strive for, whatever style I speak. I just don't know what blend is really, really me yet.
Dude, is the language of my youth, Que Paso of my 20's, textbook verbage of my adult professions. Emotional is a new one for me and I don't like it.
For me, the appearances may shift, but spirit will not. Here I can be what I could not IRL. And I am finding, that taking the risks here is affecting RL, with positive results. I don't know the advantages or disadvantages of speaking details of our personal lives, but, for me it becomes important only if it is relevant to the conversation and in gaining or giving understanding.
Boyzmom: I am an older gal, and yet I feel the same as you. ....still growing into who I am and what I want to be.............
Ladygamer: AMEN, on being rejected for who you are, then being accepted for something your not............
Rightwingwizard: you expressed it completely, so many questions still. I thought at 18, by the time I got to 40, I'd have it figured out, HAH!! NOT!!
Mom: I want what you got, to have fun with it, to not take it so serious..........
God love ya all..........................Mica
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boyzmom said on Apr 06, 2007....
Mica- I am glad that made sense to you. I thought I was unique in that sense that I don't think my real self can shine through until I get to that point where it all comes together. -
mom said on Apr 07, 2007....
The three- yeah but it sure can make some enemies :/ -
MissMimi said on Apr 07, 2007....
I don't have the energy or imagination to create a false persona. Mimi is a more extroverted version of me. Here I may say things I never would say in RL, but I'd be thinking them. Actually I'd say here I am more the real me than I am in RL. In my face to face life, I hide a lot. Here I'll allow the mask to slip from time to time. -
The_three_F_words said on Apr 07, 2007....
Mom: What can make enemies? -
mom said on Apr 07, 2007....
That prank I pulled in Jasons post about being a feminist, he is still pissed, oh well. Fuck him if he can't take a joke. -
silverwhisper said on Apr 07, 2007....
TS: yup, it's a tough one. but then again, i find that the most interesting questions are like. :> i tend to find that when most people express themselves in writing, their language, things to which they respond or don't and tone can sometimes communicate more than they are aware. for example, if i were to say that ann coulter is a shrill psychopath, that says quite a bit about how i perceive her, no?
daily: yeah, i find that i can sometimes find it easier to be open about things here and different things IRL.
polarheart: yes, i can completely understand what you're saying with that. it does make sense--at least to me, anyway.
beyond: i find myself wearing masks when dealing with my in-laws now & again, but i do try not to IRL. these are after all, by and large, people i've chosen to make a part of my life, so it's quite different from how we might be online. i was somehow unaware that you've been fighting depression and i can definitely understand why you don't present that side of yourself. i'd be interested in knowing more about your fight with it, if you're open to blogging about it.
rww: i think that all makes sense and is understandable. i think that your questioning those things is a healthy thing, for what it's worth. i admire and respect those who have the honesty to say "i don't know". and i've always found that when i can make that statement, that's when i learn best.
social penguin: see, i disagree. while i've only encountered you in the past week or so, i'm not sure how long you've been here. i think you'll find a great deal of genuine and good faith discussion in various places--although admittedly, my satirerotica blog entry isn't exactly one. :>
LG: well said.
miss understood: that's admirable and depending upon how well your views fit w/ those around you, quite courageous, i think. :>
mom: believe it or not, i'm the same way here, and i too have a knack for putting my foot in my mouth. i tend to find that little salt helps. :>
boyzmom: aren't we all still developing, though?
CW: perhaps oddly, i'm finding that i went through a similar sort of transformation myself. :>
MR: i'd actually be curious to see that side of you. :>
mica: much of what you have to say, i might have written myself at one time, with one key exception--i didn't wear that many masks. and thank you for the compliment; you're far too kind.
mimi: you know, i had a feeling you were using this place to hone your fluency in smartass. :>
ed -
The_three_F_words said on Apr 07, 2007....
Bummer.....
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mom said on Apr 07, 2007....
ED- yeah but you recover so gracefully. I am the type that apologizes and tries to explain but only makes it worse. LOL *sigh* oh well, it keeps me humble. :) -
missb said on Apr 07, 2007....
What I appear to be on SC is somewhat part of my true self. I didn't try to create any persona when i first came here. I just wanted to be able to write what i think and feel without any restrictions.
But i think i may seem to be more depressed online than IRL. I've had this online friend i met through mIRC and we'd talked online for 3 years until he came and visited me in Indonesia. He said that i was nowhere near that kind of person he thought i'd be -- depressed and miserable. If anything i was on the contrary. I was loud, cheerful and a happy-go-lucky kind of gal.
Both are true -- depressed and happy. I think i am a walking contradiction. I have this kind of bipolar traits. Two extremes come into one.
So i think that what you see is what you get in some ways. I'm not the type of person who hides anything. I'm very expressive IRL. When i am mad, you'd know i am and when i am happy, you'd know as well.
Great post, ed. As always :)
Cheers!
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D6fer said on Apr 07, 2007....
I am pretty much the same on SC as I am IRL....with the exception being that I am less likely to be confrontational IRL. -
mom said on Apr 07, 2007....
When I first came on I wanted to be a person that only talked about uplifting things. Well that didn't last long and who I am finally came out. Arggggg. Always be true to yourself. So this is me, see me, love me!
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silverwhisper said on Apr 07, 2007....
mica: why bummer?
mom: o, i don't know about that--i've been known to make things worse too when trying to make 'em better.
miss b: that's odd about your online friend--perhaps you tend to be online more often when you're depressed? that might explain things. i can tell you that from what i've seen of you on SC, you don't seem depressed any more than most, to be honest. and thank you--as i've said a few times already, it's good to see you back. :>
d6: you know, i think i tend to be a bit more confrontational online, too. i think that's only natural, at least in some ways.
mom: it's hard to talk about uplifting things often, i find, but you do a hell of a job with your comments and your always warm heart for people who are hurting. that's a quality in you that i truly admire, and i realize that even though i've felt that way for some time, i've never told you.
ed -
skald said on Apr 07, 2007....
Ed. I don't wear a mask not in real life nor here. I am sincere in my writings and I am just the way I am. -
Bronx said on Apr 07, 2007....
Great post , SW!
Let me see....my 'SC self' is quite different from my 'IRL self' but both are honest impressions.
I often toot my own horn in SC but IRL I don't have to.
In SC, there are anonymous strangers, while IRL I can see and assess people - easier to do eye to eye.
IRL I know where I stand with everyone I meet or know, in SC everyone I've met is online and digital - hard to tell the difference between one stroke and one folk, even though I can easily tell the 'type' of person someone is by his or her writing/reasoning.
Yes, online one has to be very careful before reality jams digital life unwittingly - nothing wrong with that though unless it is not desired.
My desire is that one day I'd be able to know bettert all those I've chatted with in SC!
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SocialPenguin said on Apr 07, 2007....
Silver - I've only been on SC for a couple weeks, so I may very well be wrong. My problem is probably that I mostly read political posts, which are little more than written battlefields with grenades being lobbed back and forth. I should probably explore the site a bit more... -
LadyGamer said on Apr 07, 2007....
Social~ You should definitely get out more, hun. *chuckles* This site has a plethora of levels of converstaion. From light and flirty, to the Battlefields into which you have already waded.All of them, okay wait, MOST of them have value and the conversations they evoke often lead to learning something new. At least for me. I don't have an active social life in reality. I don't have a group of friends with whom to brainstorm and kick around.Plus, there is a surprising number of highly intelligent and thought provoking people here who don't climb onto the political pedestal. I know I avoid it like the plague. You are only getting a small view of what The Cast has to offer.Come on in. The water's fine. *sharky grin* -
botoni said on Apr 07, 2007....
SW......That mind of your sometimes boggles me! You always have such challenging thought provoking posts!
As Popeye says: "I yam what I yam." My RL persona and my SC persona are pretty much the same. I tend to say what I think and believe here as I do in real time. In both I find I need to haul my foot out of my mouth often too. The delight for me to having my foot in my mouth though is at least I m not standing on anyones toes. Or am I? -
mom said on Apr 07, 2007....
ED- That was one of the nicest things to say. Thanks so much, I think you are warm hearted too. You always manage to come in and read me and leave a comment, thanks. -
shadow_song said on Apr 07, 2007....
I wear many masks. Perhaps it's time to get rid of some of them. -
silverwhisper said on Apr 08, 2007....
skald: i had that sense about you. :>
bronx: hey man, that would be cool! just yesterday i met an online friend i've known for almost nine years.
social penguin: as LG says, there's many forms of discussion here at SC. :>
LG: i've never understood why you avoid political discussions so strenuously.
botoni: pass the salt! :>
mom: you're quite welcome. i don't think that i'm saying anything that anyone who's gotten to know you on SC wouldn't, though. and you usually have something interesting--or at least risque!--to say. :D and again, thank you. :>
shadow song: perhaps some of them no longer serve a good purpose?
ed -
Bronx said on Apr 08, 2007....
ed: nine years! That's really cool. -
silverwhisper said on Apr 09, 2007....
it truly was, bronx. it truly was. :>
ed -
MissMimi said on Apr 09, 2007....
LG, I'm with you. I avoid the political discussions. They almost always degenerate into shouting fests where the conservatives and liberals call each other names, and insults become more important than any kind of meaningful discussion. Hmmm. Sounds like Congress, doesn't it? -
silverwhisper said on Apr 09, 2007....
that isn't always true, and LG is acquainted with a place that demonstrates it.
ed -
MissMimi said on Apr 09, 2007....
You're right Ed. I should have more appropriately addressed my comment to SocialPenguin. My apologies. -
notsoprivateryan said on Apr 18, 2007....
this one made me think. as i am kinda sleepy, i have to pass for a more sensible comment next time :) -
silverwhisper said on Apr 18, 2007....
mimi: no apologies necessary.
ryan: take your time. i don't shelve my blog entries so it'll always be here. :>
ed -
MissMimi said on Apr 18, 2007....
When I came here, I longed to be the wise and compassionate one. Well, that never materialized and now I'm the sweet goofy one. Much as I am in RL. -
mom said on Apr 18, 2007....
Mimi- I have news for you doll, you are wise and compassionate, sweet and goofy, and if you are that way in RL all the better society is for it. :) -
MissMimi said on Apr 18, 2007....
Momma mia...TAG! You're it!
Ed will probably chase us out of his blog now... :D -
mom said on Apr 18, 2007....
oh yeah, ok well we need to include him tooEd- the women of SC think you are an adonis and should be worshipped *wink* -
silverwhisper said on Apr 19, 2007....
mimi: o, you're plenty wise and compassionate. you're just sweet and goofy on top of it all. :>
mom: you, young lady, are cut-off. you're clearly been drinking too much. :p
ed -
mom said on Apr 19, 2007....
woohoo, he called me young!!!!!!!!!!!
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