• silverwhisper said on Apr 03, 2007....

  yes, yes i do.
  
  ed

• LadyGamer said on Apr 03, 2007....

  Yes. Absolutely.

• botoni said on Apr 03, 2007....

  Absolutely!

• allaroundgirl said on Apr 03, 2007....

  Okay, what if you are involved with that person? My best friend has been dating this guy for 2 years now. Yesterday she told me she is not interested in sex at all anymore. She told me she loves him, she doesn't want the relationship to end but that she no longer wants to sleep with him.

• silverwhisper said on Apr 03, 2007....

  those things don't generally change overnight, IMX. has something changed in their relationship? does he not seem to desire her? has his appearance changed meaningfully, or are there any stresses in their relationship?
  
  ed

• secretlife said on Apr 03, 2007....

  when you're young, if you're in love, you want to have sex.

  it's part of the whole deal....

  if you love someone (not IN LOVE) then it's very possible to not want sex in the equation.

• jasonrest said on Apr 03, 2007....

  Of course; Not only is it possible but it is also common, more specifically in the direction of female to male. Why is this?
  Besides obvious reasons such as, unfaithfulness and unsatisfactory performance, I believe most of the blame belongs to some kind of mental issue, perhaps derived from some past form of abuse or maybe dad didn't hug her enough; the list goes on and on.

• uniquely-ironic said on Apr 03, 2007....

  Sex is one of the "perks" of loving someone, not the main meal.  I am curious if your friend doesn't want to have sex with only her boyfriend or ever again.  I think SW is on the right trail with questioning what changed.
   
  Could be a physical thing, mental thing or emotional thing.  All are fixable if they want or need to fix it.

• mobil said on Apr 03, 2007....

  Perhaps nothing has changed with him and everything with her. Maybe she
  has a sexual hang-up.
   
  Maybe she's not getting an orgasm, maybe he's premature. Perhaps he's
  found out he is gay, or the passion is not there for her or for him, or one or
  the other.
   
  I think that I don't know what I am talking about due to a total lack of
  information ! Get more information, meet back here in a day or two and lets
  take a hard look at this...........thanks allgirl

• bloc said on Apr 03, 2007....

  there are different types of love. As secretlife said, you can't be in love and not want to have sex.
  
  There are exceptions. Some people that have been abused sexually can have very odd feelings about sex.
  

• allaroundgirl said on Apr 03, 2007....

  okay, so here's what I've been able to find out:

  a) Her boyfriend still desires her, a lot it seems. If he could have his way they would have sex morning, afternoon and night.

  b) She feels aprehensive when he spends the night. She said "I know he's going to want to have sex...I think of ways to avoid it and if I can't I just hope its over with soon"

  c) It started a 2 months ago, before that they had great sex together. Now she sees it as kind of a chore.

  I asked if it was she didn't find him attractive anymore. Was there someone else she was fantasizing about? Negative. She told me she often thinks about him when they aren't together, and even looks forward to having sex but when she knows its going to happen, she loses interest. There is no one else, she thinks of no one else. I asked her if she was having orgasms and she said no, but told me it was probably because she was never really into it anymore. She just wants to please him and have it be over with.

  Is this weird? Honestly I didn't know what to tell her. She's lost her sex drive but I don't know why, and I don't think she does either.

• LadyGamer said on Apr 03, 2007....

  She needs to tell him NOW how she feels. Feeling as if sex is a "chore" is a horrible habit to fall into. He needs to control his libido and give her a break. And maybe if there was some spontenaeity instead of yeah he's gonna want it...she would n't be so blah about it.

• silverwhisper said on Apr 04, 2007....

  LG is absolutely right. if she doesn't have orgasms and her thinking is that she should please him, that needs to be communicated. this kind of thing, if left to fester, can become a problem.
  
  ed

• MissMimi said on Apr 04, 2007....

  Allaround, does she want to want to have sex? That's probably the biggest indicator that it's a problem that can be worked through. If she's lost her interest in sex, and that's fine with her, then where is the incentive to change things? If she's lost her interest in sex, and she wants it back, she'll be motivated to figure out why. Either way, she needs to level with her partner. If she doesn't, I don't give the relationship much of a chance to succeed.

• botoni said on Apr 04, 2007....

  Allaround.....My initial response was far to inadequate. With the information you ve now presented I think MissMimi is on track. A loss of desire at that age is indicative of a problem. Prior sexual abuse is a possibility as Bloc mentioned. Maybe some guilt inspired by influences of childhood teachings is a contributing factor. Something physical can also be involved. A chemical imbalance or a depression might have these effects. Its important for them to talk openly about the problem and to seek help in the form of physical and mental health check ups.

• CreativeWoman said on Apr 04, 2007....

  Your friend could also be experiencing a medical problem.  Has she started any new medication recently?
  
  CW
  

• biglove said on Apr 04, 2007....

  Sex is what separates a love relationship from a friendship, the question is...does this person love the other or are they in love with them? I think relationships can change and the physical attraction can fade, which also changes the dynamics of the relationship.

• Alyss said on Apr 04, 2007....

  I think your friend needs to communicate, and I mean really talk, really be honest and really listen, with her partner/boyfriend and share how she is feeling and she needs to do it sooner rather than later.
  
  It may be that there are valid explanations for why she's feeling like that but unless she shares, she & her partner are going to remain on different pages, with different understandings of the situation and that can lead to a whole new world of woes.
  

• allaroundgirl said on Apr 04, 2007....

  Well, I don't know if there is any prior abuse or if she's taken any medications recently.

  She wants her sex drive back, she doesn't want this to become a permanent thing and I told her she should try talking to her boyfriend but she's afraid he might take it the wrong way or that she'll hurt his ego.

• silverwhisper said on Apr 04, 2007....

  wouldn't you rather have the bruised ego rather than lackluster sex?
  
  ed

• CreativeWoman said on Apr 04, 2007....

  Believe me...lackluster sex is not fun.  Maybe she would feel more comfortable talking to a counselor so she can have guidance about talking to her boyfriend.  Sex gets so tangled in our feelings and self-esteem.  I speak from experience when I say it should be nipped in the bud. 
  
  My husband has a medical problem and he won't do what needs to be done.  It's hard not to take it personally.  It doesn't bother him nearly as much as it does me. Her boyfriend will start feeling rejected if she is not careful.
  
  CW
  

• mobil said on Apr 04, 2007....

  I am thinking maybe, just maybe, this friend was sexually abused? Have
  you asked her or talked to her about that?
   
  Otherwise, it seems there is something medical or mental blocking her. It's
  to hard to figure from here Allgirl.........thanks
   
   

• SexAndMoney said on Apr 05, 2007....

  Same thing happened to me.  I still love the guy but I'm not "in love" with him.  Of course..I've been fantasizing about women for the past 3 months (and other men).  So I know what the deal is.  And I was honest with him.  He may not like it, but I gave him the info so he can move on if that's what he desires. 

• commonsensechristian said on Apr 05, 2007....

    Not only is it possible, it is intended. We are to meant to love our neighbors as ourselves, but not with an erotic love--with a brotherly love. It means the kind of love that helps us do the things we know we should, instead of the ones we know we shouldn't...

• silverwhisper said on Apr 05, 2007....

  CSC, i don't believe allaroundgirl is using "in love" to mean it in the neighborly sense. :>
  
  ed

• redviper said on Apr 07, 2007....

   
  Depending on the lenght of a relationship and if a couple shared a satisfying shared sex life, many things can affect the sex life after a period of time.  Ruling out any physical reasons the condition is generally called a "Female Sexual Arousal Disorder" (DSM IV).  The disorder can be specific to a current partner or can reach a level of affecting all or most of a woman's sexual desires.  There are a multitude of reasons but the dysfunction is treatable.  Try to seek professional help before relationships and attitudes are seriously damaged.

• sexsi_bee said on Apr 09, 2007....

  it is possible. it generally depends on the relationship.

• mystrongopinions said on Apr 09, 2007....

  My opinion is...that if you feel in love...you
  would want to express it physically, right?
  If you don't have that physical attraction,
  maybe it's a different kind of love...
  fraternal....friendly maybe?
  One thing is to choose to not get physical
  and another is to not want to.

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