• silverwhisper said on Apr 01, 2007....

  honestly, while i'm not comfortable seeing a woman nurse a child in public, i don't feel right criticizing mothers who do.
  
  ed

• momsrock said on Apr 01, 2007....

  I have breast fed both of my children while never having to do it in the presence of others. If there is absolutely nowhere to go, you can be discreet and cover yourself and baby with a blanket and they actually make 'blankets' that velcro behind your next for that specific purpose. But, there was never a time where I had to do it in front of other people. While visiting friends or family, I excused myself to a bedroom. At a restaurant, I went out to our car. In the mall or in a store, I went to a dressing room and if there wasn't a dressing room, i went to the restroom. When using a dressing room, the attendants were always very understanding about letting me use it for something other than trying on clothes.  My sister in law on the other hand, disrobed in the middle of walmart and continued shopping while nursing...she held the baby with one hand and pushed the cart with the other. I just always tried to keep in mind that it did make some uncomfortable and acted accordingly....and as natural as it is, I still didn't want strangers seeing my breasts!

• biglove said on Apr 01, 2007....

  So, you were in the waiting room and all three of these women took their breasts out...so you could see boob, nipple, everything...and started nursing? I really don't think I have ever encountered that, most women that need to breast feed cover up with a blanket. Now, I am Native American and I'm used to seeing that a lot...on the reservation there is no need to stop your life or be excluded from normal activities because you are feeding your child. momsrock, I agree women should be discrete, however, if your out to dinner, or a doctors apt and your child is hungry you need to feed him and you shouldn't have to leave the table or hide behind a screen to do it. Just imagine how long you would be at the resturant if you had to go to the restroom to feed your child...my sister nurses and it takes forever!!! I am a mother but could not breast feed and I'm not sure I would have if I could...I look at my sister and she is like a milk maid and between nursing and pumping she has very little time for anything else...and she has done this with four kids. As for walking along, shopping and nursing at Walmart...I would have been mortified...although that is something you might expect to see at a Walmart, I do think that is going to far.

  I think mother's should be able to nurse in public, but they should take into consideration others around them and keep everything covered up. And even though I don't breast feed, I do plan my outings around my son's feeding times so he won't be hungry while we are out

  Good topic.

• boyzmom said on Apr 02, 2007....

  I definitely think it depends on the situation. For the most part, I would say cover with a blanket but after the child is several months old, they don't want to be covered up unless they are sleepy. I wasn't able to nurse my kids and tried to only leave the house between their feedings but schedules change and you have to leave the house sometimes. I have seen stores where they don't like you to take in a diaper bag with you, and on a warm day the only use for a blanket would be nursing so it could easily be left behind on accident. Busy lives do tend to make women more in a hurry to get things done and if nursing can coincide with shopping or waiting to see a doctor then that is better than letting the child scream from hunger.

• polarheart said on Apr 02, 2007....

  I too have breast-fed in public if there were no feeding rooms, which there are quite a lot of here in the UK.  I always tried to be as discreet as possible and threw a blanket or towel over my shoulder and my son's head.  When at home and we had non-female guests I would remove myself to the bedroom.  Once we were in a park in London when baby needed feeding, I did my usual discretionary thing but there was an old man there who kept staring at us as if waiting to catch a glimpse of something private. . .that made me feel very uncomfortable.  I think the best thing to do is just not to look. . .it is an unusual sight, but it is not a dirty thing to do.

• dazediva said on Apr 02, 2007....

  Ed - I wouldn't criticize a woman for breast feeding in public .. it's a natural thing to do, however as some of the other ladies have pointed out, it would be best to cover up 'when' they can to avoid unwanted attention
  
  Momsrock - discreet really is the key word, and like you said, I wouldn't want complete strangers to see my breasts regardless if they were men or women.  I can't believe your sister-in-law did that in Walmart of all places ! Aren't they always super busy ???
  
  BigLove - if saw the sight I saw - you would have been pretty mortified.  These women ranged in ages from about mid 20's - 35ish, and they just happily unbuttoned themselves.  The lady on my right, her whole shirt was undone, breast hanging out for a full 2 minutes whilst she adjusted the baby, and got the baby to start nursing.  I didn't know where to look - and I have breasts of my own ! 
  
  You are right in saying that women shouldn't have to leave a table etc just because they have to nurse their baby .. if the baby is hungry, the baby is hungry - however just take into consideration that there are pervy people out there, who get a cheap thrill out of watching. 
  
  My cousin who has a 5 month old baby, nurses the baby at home, and when she is out, and taking the baby with her, she just carries a bottle so that she doesn't have to look out for places to feed the baby.
  
  Boyzmom - I can totally understand that feeding schedules change, it's not upto the mom but whenever the baby is hungry.  Ofcourse, if appointments, etc could be coincided with feeding time, it is better to be done than have the baby cry out for a while.  I suppose in those circumstances, I would prepare a bottle and carry that out with me (when I have a baby)
  
  Polarheart - breast feeding is one of the most natural things to do, and shame on those who perceive it as being a dirty thing.  In my case, I avoided looking at the ladies in the clinic (even though I am a female who is NOT perving on them), but there are people out there (as you experienced in the park) who are just slightly twisted and can cause the mom in question to become quite uncomfortable.
  

• Eilan said on Apr 02, 2007....

  I think a lot of the squeamishness about breastfeeding in public (in the US, at least) has to do with how our culture eroticizes breasts. As if their only function is sexual.
  
  It's a damn shame that people are so squeamish about one of the most natural things in the world--nursing a child. What really pisses me off is when I hear about nursing mothers who have gone to restuarants and have told by restaurant employees to nurse their babies in the restroom. If no one else has to eat in the bathroom, then why should a baby be expected to do so?
  
  Nursing can be done so discreetly that people don't even have to know it's happening. When I was nursing my children, I timed my outings so that public feedings wouldn't be an issue, but I'd wear easy-access clothing just in case, and when I had to feed my kids, I'd go to the car and put a light blanket over the exposed area. I just didn't feel comfortable nursing around anyone other than my husband (and ex) and kids. But that's just me, and I applaud those women who are ballsier than I am. I did get some funny looks, even sitting in my own car covered discreetly. Fortunately, no one said anything to me, because I would have gotten snippy if confronted.

• penmom said on Apr 02, 2007....

  Eilan said it well, one can be discreet and most people will never even notice. There is no need for nipples to be flashed about for all to see. I breastfed all three of mine, and for longer than average. I nursed in a number of public places and no one ever commented, most probably never knew it was taking place. Wearing appropriate clothing is a big part of doing it modestly. Would you like to eat in a restroom? Not I. Besides it's usually a filthy place for any kind of eating. Do you have a fit when you see a mother bottle feeding in public? I do, I want to say to her, why aren't you breastfeeding that baby?
  In brief, it is natures intended way of feeding our offspring. It is not dirty. It is not disgusting. And if you find it so, the problem is in you, not the other way around.

• Bronx said on Apr 02, 2007....

  Great post.
  
  
  Some women who breast feed in public can be quite unabashed.
  
  
  Depending on who is looking on and the view in question, it can be erotic or a clear turn off!
  
  
  Of course, some women are shy about it but, as many have observed, the baby must be fed - wherever, whenever.

• LadyGamer said on Apr 02, 2007....

  To start with ... a DOCTOR's office? YOu think it odd that they were nursing in a DOCTOR's office?
  I nursed wherever I was when my chid was hungry. A hungry infant is a LOUD infant. Granted I did not make many public outings while nursing but the DOCTOR's office was one that was unavoidable. That isn't even really public. It's the doctor. Who sees parts of us WE will never see!
   
  I always downplayed the affair and used a blanket because I had no interest in flashing my chest to all and sundry....but I took care of my child.

• minniemouse said on Apr 02, 2007....

  I breast fed my children too and had no desire to be stared at in public.  If I had to do it in public, I would cover my child.  I wouldn't want to see a man shirtless in a public place (other than the pool or beach), so I wouldn't want to see a woman either. 

• minniemouse said on Apr 02, 2007....

  I breast fed my children too and had no desire to be stared at in public.  If I had to do it in public, I would cover my child.  I wouldn't want to see a man shirtless in a public place (other than the pool or beach), so I wouldn't want to see a woman either. 

  In reference to penmom, I don't understand why people question someone elses personal choice of whether to breastfed thier children or not.  Some people choose to, some people don't.  Some people choose too and just can't.  I breast fed my children but only until 4 months.  I was formula fed and I turned out just fine.  I just don't think its fair of people to judge others for thier personal choices. 

• Tappa said on Apr 02, 2007....

  I have had to breastfeed one baby in public - a local coffee bar; no rest room (and that's not a place I'd do it, as some of you have already pointed out). At the coffee bar, one of the waitresses came over to me and i thought "ho boy, here we go" - expecting her to ask me to leave or put it away...

  But what happened was pretty cool. She hauled a chair from another table, (asked if i minded her joining me) and then sat herself down between me and other patrons, and chatted to me until baby was finished. She then went and brought a cool damp cloth to wipe baby's chin. She stayed with me while i rearranged clothing etc, then fetched me another coffee (first had gone cold).

  Needless to say, that coffee shop was rather popular with local mums!

• sweetsoul said on Apr 02, 2007....

  I didn't breastfeed but my daughter-in-law does. She started out being very very discreet with the special nursing blanket. She too refused to breastfeed in the restroom. As time went on she got less and less concerned. She's always been discreet, though you're right after a short period the child won't put up with the blanket - except sometimes at home with just her husband and myself there - she's not so much so. She's certainly got non-chalant about it.

• penmom said on Apr 02, 2007....

  to Minniemouse--I didn't mean to come across as an activist, but where I live people will spend a ton of money on all the "best" stuff, best schools, best coaches, so they can get their kids on the "best" teams, have the "best" clothes, drive new cars, etc. but they can't be bothered to do the one thing that is actually proven to be "best" for the child-and it's free! Anyone who tells you formula is just as good is simply mis-informed. It isn't. Ask the American Pediatrics Assoc.

  By the way, I have never actually spoken out to anyone for not breastfeeding and have always applauded anyone who nurses for even a brief amount of time. Even a few weeks is better than not at all.

• mom said on Apr 02, 2007....

  I have breast fed all my babies and at times I have breastfed in public but I have used a blanket and was discreet about it.  I might take the blanket off the babies head but my shirt was pulled down so far that you couldn't see anything. There were times that I would go to the restroom or another room but sometimes I did it in public.  My children have all seen me breastfeed and think nothing of it when a mother does it now even if it is in public.  It is natural to them.  I think we do need to be discreet and sensitive to others and how uncomfrotable it might make them.

• minniemouse said on Apr 02, 2007....

  Penmom....actually, my pediatrician said to me that while yes, breast milk is best, formulas today are just as good as breast milk, and I don't consider my doctor mis-informed, he is a top doctor at Johns Hopkins.  My first daughter was a preemie and needed to be formula supplemented because there was no way she could get all the nutrients she needed solely from breast milk (she was 3 months early, 1 lb 14 oz)  I pumped till I couldn't pump anymore, and I guess I'm sensitive to the issue  because I had a lot of people question me why I was giving her formula instead of perfectly good breast milk.  At the time I was too young and to stand up for myself and my choices.  I didn't mean to attack you or anything, I just get riled up by people who seem to judge when they don't know the whole story.  There are many good reasons to breast feed and many good reasons for formula.  Anyway, the breast feed/formula debate is way off topic here, so I apologize.  No worries.  :-)

• mom said on Apr 02, 2007....

  Minnie- no one should ever be made to feel guilty that they didn't nurse.  I have known many women who didn't nurse and their babies were just as healthy as those who did.  I believe that at one time formula lacked some of the nutrients that breast milk had but they have made it better.  Too many women that can't breastfeed always feel guilty.  I don't think they should.  It is a personal choice. It has no bearing on whether anyone has or has not the best interest of their child at heart. :)

• dazediva said on Apr 03, 2007....

  Okay - wow ! I think I need to take down notes for when I eventually have a child ! I'm learning a lot through this discussion.
  
  LadyGamer - actually, it was odd - because the clinic is a general GP clinic and not a pediatricians (where such a sight would be more common).  I'm aware that doctors see more of us than we do - however the whole scene could have been avoided had the ladies chosen to go behind the screen that was provided for such situations (I did ask the nurse why the screen was there).  These women did what they had to do and took care of their babies needs - nothing wrong with that.  They could - however have downplayed the scene just a bit to be considerate of the 35 other people sitting in the room.
  
  Elian - it is a shame that people are squeamish about such a natural thing, and I admit I was a bit 'squeamish / embarrassed' myself to witness this.  You're right in saying that if we as adults won't eat in a restroom - neither should a baby.  I would never want any mom to go feed her baby in the restroom - some of them are just down right gross !
  
  Minniemouse - like you, I think there is a place for everything - including topless men / women.  I'm all for breast feeding because of the health benefits for the baby, and the bond that it creates etc (again excuse me as I don't know much about the subject) - I just wouldn't want my own breasts flashed in public even if I am doing a 'natural thing' .. there are just too many weirdos out there who turn such a beautiful activity into a perverted thrill !
  
  As for formula milk - these days there are all the nutrients that are in breast milk which are supplemented in the formula - and so many working moms' use this because they have to go back to work and can't afford to be at home. My aunt and my cousin have used this on their kids - and they've all turned out fine :)
  
  Tappa - wow ! where is this coffee shop ?  that was so nice and considerate of the waitress.  We need more people like that these days.
  
  Mom - I have memories of my own mom breast feeding my younger brother and sister, and also of my aunt feeding my cousins .. I recall they always used a blanket, and as the kids got older - they were just wearing really loose fitted tops and something like a 'sling'.  This normally occurred in the bedroom or if none of the men were at home, in the living room.
  
  

• penmom said on Apr 03, 2007....

  "these days there are all the nutrients that are in breast milk which are supplemented in the formula" *Minniemouse
   
  Sorry, but there is not and never will be a formula that contains living antibodies that protect your newborn from any number of diseases, both minor and major. Breast milk is a living tissue of the human body which adapts to the baby's age and needs. No formula can do that. I understand that many women need to or choose to work and pumping is difficult, but do not try to rationalize by saying that formula is just the same. Sorry. I really do feel for those who cannot nurse as they are missing out on an incredible relationship. Some situations, especially with premies, are extenuating circumstances and you just do what you must to keep your baby healthy.

• minniemouse said on Apr 03, 2007....

  penmom......I didn't say that....dazediva was directing a response to me. 

  I never claimed formula to be better.  I totally think breast milk is best.  I just get ruffled when mothers are treated differently because they choose the bottle over breast.  I pumped breast milk for my first daughter who was a preemie.  I fed her through a bottle as she was never strong enough to take it directly from the breast.

• sheissilent said on Apr 03, 2007....

  Ah, one of my favorite topics. I have breastfed all mine. One for 9 months, one for two years and one for three years. As you can tell I am VERY pro breastfeeding. It has numerous benefits for baby and mom, not to mention is such a rewarding loving thing to do for your child.
   
  I have breastfed in public. Realizing a lot of our society is squeamish about it, I have used a blanket over my shoulder, although grudgingly. Like others have said, our American society is so focused on the breast as a sexual object, that it can't remember what it is really for. After all, I don't see anyone getting all offended when women walk around with low cut shirts; in fact they get ogled.
   
  I am ashamed to say I got into a shouting match once with a woman in a restaurant. I say that I am ashamed because I shouldn't have let the moron effect me like that. I was having lunch with my Grandma and nursing my newborn daughter, sitting in a booth with a blanket over my shoulder. You couldn't even see any part of the baby, much less any part of me. But this chick walks by and says
  "Oh, NICE, nursing in public" implying I should be ashamed. I lost it!
   
  I turned around and said "Oh, I'm sorry, do you have a problem with me feeding my baby?" She said "Well, there IS a bathroom" in this snotty little tone. I told her she was welcome to eat her lunch in there anytime and there were also other restaurants in town. She glared at me, but didn't say anything else. I was STEAMED.
   
  So, the next week (I live in a fairly small town), I am at my work. We own a bowling alley/casino/restaurant. I took my daughter to work with me for the first six months. I am standing in the kitchen talking to our cook, and THERE IS A GOD AND HE LOVES ME! Guess who walks in the door and sits down in a booth? The bitch from the restaurant!!!
  We had just opened, and they were the first ones in the door.
  I got my mom and my sister, who had heard all about the incident. I'm sure you can imagine what came next.... :)  That's right, we went and sat at the table directly beside this chick, and I proceeded to whip it out and feed babygirl right then and there. At first she didn't notice, then she noticed but didn't recognize me. Then I saw  it dawn on her who I was. Her eyes got big, and I just smiled and chatted with mom and sis. She never said a word, ate her meal and left.  I was almost disappointed, because I really wanted to tell her off, but I think she knew she was outnumbered.
   
  I try to encourage others to think this way.... would you be offended if you saw a woman giving a baby a bottle? It is no different for her to be nursing her child. Please try to be open minded! It is difficult enough to be a new mom without having to deal with glares and comments just for doing something good for your baby. She is not "showing" her breast off. She is feeding a baby. There is nothing sexual or sexy about it. Give her credit, because it is a demanding, time consuming activity that requires a lot of commitment. There is nothing more disheartening than trying to do the right thing, then getting slapped in the face for it.
  And if it bothers you, don't look. :)

• boyzmom said on Apr 03, 2007....

  In just the 22 months between my sons, they have come out with many more formulas that they never used to have. My sons were both lactose intolerant and with the first the only choice was to use a soy alternative, he couldn't nurse so had to be fed through a tube with a syringe to push the formula into his mouth and I never lactated. The second one had many choices of formula, but we went with the soy. Nutritionally it is better than cow's milk they say and even though it doesn't have the antibodies that are found in mother's milk, the kids' immune system is able to produce antibodies when exposed to disease. There really is nothing wrong with feeding babies formula for whatever reason the mother chooses. My sons bonded with me just fine even if there was a bottle between us.

• minniemouse said on Apr 03, 2007....

  somehow, the end of my last post got cut off.....

  penmom......I didn't say that....dazediva was directing a response to me. 

  I never claimed formula to be better.  I totally think breast milk is best.  I just get ruffled when mothers are treated differently because they choose the bottle over breast.  I pumped breast milk for my first daughter who was a preemie.  I fed her through a bottle as she was never strong enough to take it directly from the breast.  

  I was able to breast feed my second daughter.  I have the same relationship with both of them

• minniemouse said on Apr 03, 2007....

  Geez.....I don't know what's going on my posts keep getting cut!!  Anyway, I have the same relationship with both my daughters and I feel that unless you have experienced both bottle and breast feeding, you can't claim that its a different or more special relationship than a bottle fed baby.  It doesn't take a bottle or breast to create that special relationship between mother and child.

• preggymom said on Apr 10, 2007....

  I dont think women should breast feed in public. If you have to you should use a bottle. I dont like going to restaurants and see a women breast feed or change a diaper which they do. keep it to yourself it is nasty and if a man or someone stares let them they should enjoy it as much as the baby.And yes i am going to breast feed my child but not in public im not stupid or would i ever make someone feel uncomfortable.

• boyzmom said on Apr 10, 2007....

  Preggymom- I think it takes more preparation to bottle feed, and there are unexpected times when the baby just wants to eat, I hope you are successful at never having to breastfeed in public though. If you do, it can be discrete and I wouldn't compare it to changing a diaper at the table.

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