It is really too bad that the Bible could be interpretted that way. When I read it, I try to remember that there was suffering happening for everyone, not just followers of God. I also think about the fact that the culture, laws of the land, were manmade laws, not God's law. We were not being asked to submit to abuse but to submit to the laws to prevent the abuse. The people in those days had a very different culture and were not well educated, but they were warned that their choices had consequences and if they chose God's way rather than Man's way, they would be blessed.
Yes, some would suffer in the name of God but surely more suffered in the name of Man. God created man and woman to be companions, the male dominance and female submissive idea came later, it became the culture. That culture still exists today and seems barbaric to me because I wasn't raised that way. I try to remember that we are looking at what happened then with values we have now and we don't think the punishment fits the crime but it all boils down to the fact that some people chose not to follow the laws, whether they were man-made laws or God's law, with a warning as to what would happen as a result and did it anyhow.
You are right about not being able to heal what is not acknowledged, but don't tell someone they need healing when they don't think they do. For 4 weeks I was told that I was a victim of domestic violence. There was some mental abuse but apparently not enough to make me submit to it, and for that reason I still don't believe I was a victim, not like the people that had it worse off than me. I don't know what those people are thinking so I don't know if they were victims of abuse or if they are just people trying to survive and not be the one who has got it worse than another.
My Dad called it brainwashing. The US army uses brainwashing or bully tactics because there is no time for doubt or squabbling in times of war. These people were in times of war and were being rescued from the real dangers in the world. When the world is at peace, then love could truly prevail, but when there are still people forbidden to read the Bible or talk of God and those people may have too many doubts for God to rescue them, then another approach other than just loving them may have to be considered.
I've never thought about the fact that Jehovah may have broke his own laws. Maybe that is the reason that Jesus discarded the laws so easily, if they don't apply to every situation then they are pretty useless. I think it is like when I am at a new job and most things are written down how to do them, exceptions to the rules, but once in a while they say use your best judgement and that is a scary thought. If I mess up, what would the consequences be, would I loose money for the company, be reprimanded or would I loose my job. I think I can trust Jehovah's best judgement, he does things for the right reasons and in the end most of those people were stronger as a result and prevailed.