• secretlife said on Mar 29, 2007....

  i think the email sounds fine.

  no pressure.

  ask him.  if he has an excuse, accept it.

  wait a few weeks.

  ask again.

• openclose said on Mar 29, 2007....

  Thanks.
  His response was ' I need to know when and I have to figure out what I need to catch up on at work'.  Which means if he feels he has too much work to do, then he won't take off.  But he takes off when his friend calls and asks him to meet him somewhere.  He leaves the office all the time to go buy supplies and he goes home and goes visit his friend at work while he is out.  But he doesn't want to take off work to go to counseling so we can work 'things' out.
  That is the way I see it.
   
  My car, which is techinically his car, has been acting up since Tuesday.  I told him this every day, I told him exactly what it was doing.  He keeps saying he has to call the dealer to make an appointment for it.  He is leaving tomorrow morning for 4 days.  He has yet to make the appointment or make any effort to look at it.  Why? because it's not something HE wants to do.  It's not important to him.  Even though it is his car.  It's not like it's going to cost anything because the car is under warranty.  But if it was his daughter's car, he would be right on top of it.  If a friend called him and told him their car was broken, he would be right there.
   
  I am going to go lay down.  I came home from work today with a headache from hell.  I think the Excedrin is finally starting to work and it's making me sleepy.  This is scary because I don't get headaches anymore.  It scares me because I've already had two strokes.

• secretlife said on Mar 29, 2007....

  you can only change yourself.

  i've been married to the same guy for 22 years.

  he's very selfish.  he does what he wants when he wants, and he comes first.

  you know, for 14 years i beat myself up thinking it had to be me...something wrong with me.  it took that long for me to see that it wasn't me...it was me reacting to him.

  i still have moments where i do that.  but they are few and far between.

  i had to learn to accept him or leave him.  for my own sanity i had to choose.

  and part of accepting him means believing i can't change him.  so i had to change myself and how i reacted to him...

  i hope you feel better.

• openclose said on Mar 29, 2007....

  and that is part of the reason I am going to counseling.  I have to learn how to change myself.  I know I can't change anyone one.  I know I can only change the way I react to situations.  This is very hard for me because I am having to learn so much at one time.  I had a lot of old habits that were unhealthy.  I also was brainwashed and abused last year so that compounded everything.  Oh believe me I have been able to change.  I've changed so much in the last 7 months.  And yes I know waht it feels like to think it's yourself. 
  Not feeling any better.  Just woke up thirsty and am going to take another Excedrin and go back to bed.  This really bothers me because I don't have headaches like this.

• secretlife said on Apr 05, 2007....

  hope everything's ok with you...and that you're just enjoying your spring.

• Leeleeme said on Apr 08, 2007....

  Is there a reason you can't take care of your car yourself? It sounds like perhaps you may need some help to understaqnd why you feel so insecure.

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