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I'd like to respond, if I may, to a comment Vicarious left on a post of mom's about what gets you hot.


This is what he said:


You should see the difference in attitude with a woman in a wheelchair for example, after I engage her eyes. I believe one day I'm going to seduce one just because she needs it. That and I'm twisted. The idea of getting a blow job from a lady in a wheelchair intrigues me. Lol.


My first reaction was to leave a bitchy snarky response, but the words just didn't find their way onto the screen. I'll be honest, Vic, I was insulted. I choose to believe you didn't mean it to be ridiculing or demeaning, but it was. Your comment that you wanted to seduce a woman in a wheelchair because you were twisted, hurt me. Is my husband, or any man in love with a woman who happens to be in a wheelchair, twisted? 


After giving the matter some thought, now it just makes me sad. The stereotype of the disabled woman being starved for sexual attention is still in full force, I see.  Disabled women can and do have vibrant, exciting, joyous sex lives.  I know this from personal experience.  Yet no matter how far we've come, breaking down the physical barriers of disability, this insulting and ridiculous stereotype still lingers on. It's frustrating, and I don't know what the answer is.


It's entirely possible that I'm hyper-sensitive about this issue, and I overreacted.  It hits close to home for me.  I felt I needed to speak out.


 


 



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Comments

  • mobil said on Mar 28, 2007....
    I saw that remark Mimi and I thought of you and what you might think
    about it if you came across it.
     
    I had a problem with what he had written about being a Peeping Tom for
    many years. One of those caused my two youngest daughters serious
    trauma a few years back. I confronted him about it, he never responded
    but, tore down the post while whining about personal shit.
     
    He's all about sex and I don't have a problem with that. He was sexually
    abused as a kid and is of his own admission a sick individual. I am sorry
    that he hurt you with his indiscretions here.
     
    I can't take the high road myself, I've hurt people without thinking as well
    and have had to apologize for it. We are a diverse community here, I am
    not good with diversity lol, I am working on that too Mimi........maybe this
    guy will have balls enough to apologize to you, I hope so.
  • lioneljay said on Mar 28, 2007....
    Nulle carborundum bastardi, Mimi.
  • secretlife said on Mar 28, 2007....
    mimi:  i haven't been back to mom's post, so i didn't see the remark there.
     
    Vicarious admits himself that he has a problem with sex.  Sex addiction i would say....
     
    i realize it's hard to do, but i usually try to consider the source of the comment. 
     
    i'm sorry you felt the sting of his.  it was insensitive of him to make.
  • silverwhisper said on Mar 28, 2007....
    honestly, i never heard that there was such a stereotype.

    having said that: yes, that's appalling.

    ed
  • CamDaMan20 said on Mar 28, 2007....
    Without being hyper-critical I think Vic felt like he would be doing "her" a favor, a mercy fuck if you will.

    Further, I think he enjoyed the thought of absolute control...maybe to force himself upon her in his mind.

    Needless to say, he is a very ignorant person if he thinks a handicap person is not a sexual being with every ability to enjoy both the physical and emotional acts of sex, in their own fashion and abilities, not unlike any other of societies sexually active citizens .

    My own sister was born early due to traumatic impact resulting from an accident.
    As a result, she was born with CP.  While her physical motor skills  were effected, her mental acuity is razor sharp as a Lawyer.  She is a Mother of 2.

    So Yes Mimi, I do understand what your saying and feeling.  But know that the numbers of ignorant people in todays society regarding a variety of handicaps is dwindling, but may never entirely disappear.  We, Mimi, rather can feel sorry for those poor uninformed individuals.

    Cam.
  • Zayda said on Mar 28, 2007....
    Mimi, rest assured you weren't the only person who had that reaction to his comment. So no, I don't think you were being hyper-critical or hyper-sensitive about it.
  • Eilan said on Mar 28, 2007....
    Classy response, Mimi!
  • gingersoul said on Mar 28, 2007....

    Mimi......i didn't read this ......but you have all the right to feel hurt and express it.....

    I will be waiting to read his comment ...if any...

  • LadyGamer said on Mar 28, 2007....
    Personally, I take everything said by Vicarious with a grain of salt. I think the handle prevents me from attributing his thoughts any weight.
     
     
  • lioneljay said on Mar 28, 2007....
    LG, let me hand you a box of the stuff because a single grain just isn't appropriate for the circumstances. And it's not just the handle: it's what he says that proves there is no weight behind the words. I'm thinking someone who could have been typecast to play the part of the Scarecrow, you know what I mean?
  • beyondtheveil said on Mar 28, 2007....
    mimi- You have every right to speak out and I'm glad you did. Perhaps this will make someone think before saying such things again. Maybe.
  • MissMimi said on Mar 28, 2007....
    Mobil, LJ, Secret, Ed, Cam, Zee, Eilan, Ginger, LG, and Beyond:
    I appreciate the validation and support you've all given me. It means a lot.
  • mom said on Mar 29, 2007....
    Mimi- I just saw this post and I did see what he wrote in earlier, I thought it was a shitty thing to say, and I didn't want to respond as I had hoped that you wouldn't read it or see it, I didn't want to draw attention.  Mimi- I think that Vic is full of himself and feels that all he has to offer is sex, so he will gracious every female with it.  I personally don't see the charm.   I think you handled it very well.  I don't even thought how it might affect you. No one else feels that way about you or anyone else.  We love you Mimi, you are the light in my house, the cheese in my cracker, the eggs in my nest, the cream in my cheese, the sole in my shoe.
    It takes a little man to say what he said and he is very shallow.   He will never have real love because he doesn't know what it is.
  • VICARIOUS said on Mar 29, 2007....
    First I want to say I'm glad you posted about this. It took real guts, and it needed to be addressed...
     
    Mimi, I will appologize, not because of what I said, more how you took it. It is sometimes difficult to write what you are trying to say. If you saw this as a blatant attack on handicapped women not being a complete woman, then you are being really sensitive, as well you should be, but you are incorrect..
     
    Hindsight validates I made a poor choice of topic, but I was not being mean.
     
    Fact: women that walk get more attention and flirted with more than a woman in a wheelchair. Why? Because people are afraid of saying the wrong thing, being insensitive and looking like a disrespectful cad. 
     
    Fact: women handicapped or in a wheelchair would love to know what that is like.
     
    Fact: mothers teach their children not to stare or make fun of anyone with physical disabilities.
     
    The illusion of people handicapped are not complete persons is perpetuated.
     
    Most people are uncomfortabe around anyone that isn't completely healthy, and thanks to society we are comfortable with this decision. We are taught a lie. We are people. We all deserve respect and need love. I work in a very busy department store, I see how handicapped people are treated, probably due to their mother telling them not to stare at the unfortunate person. God loves them too.
     
    I try to make everyone feel special. I flirt with a lot of women, even if you they are handicapped.
     
    When I made the comment about the the blow job I wasn't being disrespectful, some people have no feeling from the neck down let alone below the waist. I made an assumption rather than tried to explain.
     
    I'm sorry I hurt you with my comments, but I am very glad you spoke up. I admire people that stand up for themselves, even if physically they can not. When someone insults me, I ignore it simply because it isn't worth it to me to try to prove what I already know.Not everyone sees flaming arrows as a conveinent way to toast marshmellows.
     
    Your protest moved me, reminding me that even though I am a cocky self confident character, I need to be careful that people don't misread me when I elect to be ambiguous.
     
    To sum it all up, I'm sorry Mimi, I didn't mean to be so insensitive, but it wasn't done with malice.
     
    In the event I react to this by deleting my posts and starting over, it isn't your doing, more a reminder that I need to learn to keep most of my thoughts to myself.
     
     
  • VICARIOUS said on Mar 29, 2007....
    Mobil, as far as your comment about my prior post. I didn't see my response was warrented. I don't like confrontations of mundane things. I don't have time or inclination to sensor my writing. It was easier to take it off. People write about things that hit nerves with me all the time, I just don't complain. I'm from the "school" it is your blog write whatever you want.
  • mobil said on Mar 29, 2007....
    I am glad you apologized Vi, I am from a different school than you. You see
    blogs have only been around for a short time. My rules about them are
    rather thin.
     
    Where I went to school, if I saw an asshole, I called him an asshole. If he
    even blinked at that, I punched his lights out. Different schools Vi.
     
    When a person has a problem, is in a wheel chair or has had daughters
    who couldn't sleep because a peeping pervert leered through their window
    shades, it causes a rawness that doesn't go away.
     
    I think you talk too much without thinking Vi, why don't you work on that
    and leave the bullshit to those who are better at it.
  • missunderstood1162 said on Mar 29, 2007....
    MissMimi my friend.....

    I'm coming over with chocolates, fresh flowers, magazines and nail polish.   I have about a million hugs for you.  Any other requests?  I can stop anywhere on my way.
    I'm so sorry babe!

    Missundies
  • MissMimi said on Mar 29, 2007....
    Vic, I appreciate the apology. We've both had our say, and I hope you'll join me in considering the matter closed.
  • MissMimi said on Mar 29, 2007....
    Undies, since you asked... Yes. Bring Keith Urban. ;)
  • missunderstood1162 said on Mar 29, 2007....
    okay I'll run by Nashville and see if Nicole will let me borrow him for a couple of days.....maybe they will fly us to you in the private jet.  Anything for you darling.  Oh and I will request that he write a song about you and your sweet self.....

    Yours,
    Undies
  • mom said on Mar 29, 2007....
    OOOOO I want to hear it.  Can I bring Oded?  We can make our own music ;)
  • miretiro said on May 07, 2007....

    Maybe one of you can tell me. I am an old fellow now but still I can not understand.
    When I was a kid I had a nanny who used to take care of me. She was horny, she used to take me to the swimming pool that was way back the house and although my grand mother told her, to put on a bath suit, she would always put it on while my grand mother was looking but once she returned to the house my nanny would take it off and rubbed herself on me, pretending she was teaching me how to swim, she touched me every opportunity she "made". Then she started teaching me the way the adults act. But here is the funny thing, when our body parts became close she asked me, always, no to move and just stay put. I never penetrated her. She was not very young, I do not think she was a virgin or feared pregnancy for I was too young and none of my glands on that region were working, yet. The filling of blood was only for the warmth, maybe. 

     
  • wonderwheels said on May 13, 2008....
    i know the matter was considered closed but i would just like to offer my two pence if i can. particularly on the following statement Fact: women that walk get more attention and flirted with more than a woman in a wheelchair. Why? Because people are afraid of saying the wrong thing, being insensitive and looking like a disrespectful cad. Fact: women handicapped or in a wheelchair would love to know what that is like. I am a 19 yr old british girl who has always been a wheelchair user and so far i have had no problem being flirted with by men infact people often talk to me firstly simply because the wheelchair gets me noticed. Secondly i often seem to get more male attention than a lot of my friends particularly on a night out so the first point is also not a "fact" Thanks for letting me have my say, i hope i wasnt intruding

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