I don't know if I have gone into much detail about the way I feel about my boyfriends' family. If I haven't then here is a little bit of history. His mother(I made an entire post about her drinking habits) is clingy. When we first met he appeared to be a mama's boy. The only time she shows any kind of affection is when she is drunk. She used to make comments about past girls he liked or was involved with (even though he never had a real gf before me) But she would love to tell me about girls he liked or whatever. There was one girl in particular who had 'huge tits" (everyone always talked about how big they were,and my biggest insecurity happens to be my small chest!) so this girl was blown up big time. I gained a huge insecurity from that. And then whenever he was gone on fires and I'd be around her without him,she would go off about something to me. Making me feel horrible. Then when he was around she would be sweet as sugar to me. His dad. Ugh. His dad's normal talking level is anyone elses angry scream! Seriously,this guys voice is deep and he yells! He cusses like a sailor. Actually a sailor would blush after hearing this guy talk for 5 minutes. He has had some shit happen to him apparently. His dad was rough on him,I dunno! He treats his wife like shit. Tells her to "Shut the fuck up" and "Get me a beer" ya know,that kinda stuff. Completely different than my parents. And that's ok,but it's almost impossible to bear,even though for 4 years I have tried very hard. His younger brother is just a teenage boy. Normal I guess. But he's always making me feel bad for stealing his brother away. He's a little whiny bitch in my opinion. LOL. Sorry,I need to blow some steam.
So,these are the people I have to deal with. I should have given you more info on my family and a lot more things that have happened. But I am at the library and I have 32 more minutes on the computer. So, this will be a short synopsis.
I really don't like these people. I think it's really important to like your partners family. I would freak if he didn't like mine. I actually would probably break up with him. And he knows I don't like them. But the odd thing is it doesn't cause any friction between us. He just accepts that I don't like them.
The problem is,the town we live in is a big tourist attraction and his family has a permanent campsite at a local campground. So they come up like once a month. Everytime I hate it!!!!! He has gotten to the point where he doesn't tell me their coming up until like the day before because he knows I don't like when they come. So, everytime it gives me a stomachache and makes me feel like crap,until they get there and then I put on my act. Sometimes I don't go down and see them. Sometimes I do.
What do you all think? Should I be obligated to go visit with them? Or since I'm not married to him it's not a big deal???? What do you do when you don't like your partners family???! is that a deal breaker for you???
HairSprayGirl posted on Mar 27, 2007
| views: 1779
Comments
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LadyGamer said on Mar 27, 2007....
I am imagining this as if spoken and DAMN! BREATHE girl!Paragraph breaks. I NEED paragraph breaks!!!If you don't like the family I suggest you get a new guy.They are not going anywhere, after all. And the BF is most likely to become his father.Think about that. -
dailyachesandpains said on Mar 27, 2007....
HSG: I HATED my MIL and my SIL's FOR EVER!!!!! Only this past Thanksgiving I decided to forgive them all. I told my MIL, and emailed my SIL (emailed her Dec. 5th and still haven't heard from her) and just let go. I couldn't let them make me miserable for another year of my life. My Husband still hates them both and his brother, but doesn't mind his brother's wife (neither do I anymore) because for the most part, she's kept her nose out of everything.I can tell you from my experience it can put stress on a marriage. Even though my Husband didn't (doesn't) like his own mother, I still wanted Little Daily to know her Grandmother and form her own opinion. It was difficult to even want that, when nobody was talking and when anyone was, nobody was getting along.You should read CreativeWoman's past blogs about her in-laws. It's sad.When people say "You marry him, not his family" it couldn't be any farther from the truth. Just remember that!Daily -
dailyachesandpains said on Mar 27, 2007....
I just found a video of you and posted it!!!HAHA!Daily -
sugar1 said on Mar 27, 2007....
I am sorry, I wish I had some great piece of advice but I do not. I went through practically the same thing. But I think that if you bf understands it will not hurt your relationship.
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Ladyfly said on Mar 28, 2007....
HSG: I hated my BIL's and my MIL for my entire marriage. And I still do even though I'm no longer married. My ex appeared to be the momma's boy too. And proved it when he would always take her side or his brother's side over me, his WIFE. Our marriage suffered a great deal due to his siding with his family over everything, even when his mother was wrong (and everyone knew it). Just be careful. If you love him and he loves you, you shouldn't give that up because of his family. Make sure that he knows how you feel and tell him to step up. I wish you luck. -
silverwhisper said on Mar 28, 2007....
HSG, the way his father treats his mother is very likely indicative of how he will come to treat you over time. do you see a future with him? b/c if so, be very wary for signs of this.
ed -
MsStar39 said on Mar 28, 2007....
I would run while I still had the chance, everyone is right, when you see the way his father treats his mother, you are looking at your future. -
minniemouse said on Mar 28, 2007....
This is something you definitely need to do some soul searching about. In-laws can be a BIG problem. You might be able to avoid them now, but if you guys get married, and down the road have kids, you WILL NOT be able to avoid them. They will want to see your kids and be around them. Are they the kind of people you want to have as an influence on your kids? Something to think seriously about. -
CreativeWoman said on Mar 28, 2007....
HSG,
My best advice is to not listen to the people who tell you that you are with him and not his family. It is so not true! I bought into that and now I regret it very much. Like it or not, it's a package deal. If it doesn't cause problems now, it surely will later. They don't go away.
Look at how you feel about yourself already? How will you feel 5, 10, or 15 years down the road? How will you feel about bringing children into this family if you marry him? All serious questions for you to ask yourself.
If he isn't making a stand for you after 4 years, I'm afraid he never will. Mine hasn't in almost nine years. Now, I've given up on him. It takes both of you working on the relationship to make it work. You can't do it by yourself. I've found that out the hard way.
Give it some long hard thought. Ask yourself if there is more you want from life and if you can find it with him or not. If you can't, then go without regret.
Best of luck to you.
CW
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HairSprayGirl said on Mar 29, 2007....
You all have such good points. I agree with them all! And I have told myself,and him,all of this for so long.
Lady, I'm sorry about the run on paragraph but I was using edit html because of the computer I was on. So sorry! It annoys me too!!!
Daily
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anonymous said on Jun 26, 2007....
Geez, I hate my soon to be in-laws, they're so freaking dependent on my fiance, trying to take up all of his time and making him do things for them all the time, like being a nanny (and he has MANY nephews and nieces), trying to make him deliver stuff if they're busy, drive his nephews and nieces to baseball games, school plays, the movies, well, so many places and many other things they use him for, they don't let him have a life, and God knows this has taken a toll on our relationship, making us fight all the time because this is NOT the way I want to live, everything being about them, and him being so emotionally dependent on them that he can't say a freaking NO to all their demands, and making me feel like crap because I don't want to put up with his ridiculous attitude towards the whole situation.
Even today I told him seriously that I was thinking about calling the wedding off because it gives me the chills to only think that I'd ever have to deal with those people for the rest of my life!
Honestly, his sister is a pain in the b*tt, she and her mom LOVE to gossip, plus she's always faking being nice to him, but minutes later she's asking for a favor, so, she's always inviting him for dinner and to "pray" with her and her scummy husband, but before he goes, they ALWAYS leave him some stuff to do for them, ALWAYS, and that's the most disgusting hypocritical crap I've ever seen in my life! And he can't say NO!!! AARRGGG!!!
So he's always defending her and her husband, and he can't see what's so wrong in that! It makes me so sad to even think about it.
He has guaranteed me that when we get married it's just gonna be him to me and my kids.... Honestly, I wanna believe him with all my heart because I love him dearly, but I'm SOOO scared, specially when I read these stories, is like a cold bucket of water in my head to make me realize the danger that I am in.
Geez, sometimes he does sound so convincing... But then 2 days later he proves me wrong when he goes and starts cutting trees that don't need to be cut for them at early in the morning, and many other stupid unbelievable crap... UGH, it's sick.
I mean, I can't say if you should marry him or not, but I can definately tell you that you're not alone in this, try having a MIL from hell plus ALL his 10 siblings and their MANY children + aunt & cousin being a complete pain in the *ss!!!
Now THAT is hell! -
anonymous said on Dec 07, 2007....
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BoilerGrl22 said on Mar 29, 2009....
I have a fiance that HAD to go on a family vacation over spring break with his family. This is the last year for a lot of the cousins that are in high school to have a chance to go, but it did not make sense financially (for his family or for me). I was invited, but I feel very strongly that as soon as that invitation left his mother's mouth she regretted it. I told them I could not take the time off work and school, as I am in college with about a month left in the semester. There were many arguments between us about him going with his family or staying with me for a week (we are about to move in together in two or three months, depending on a couple job situations between us. We had planned for the longest time for him to come stay with me, THEN his mother put the money down on a condo and invited us to go. We WERE NOT going to have a bedroom to share, I was supposed to stay with his 11 year old sister (BRAT) and 14 year old female cousin in the living room. While he and his male cousin who is still in high school (brother of the 14 year old) shared a bedroom. Ultimately there would be others in the condo and it was going to be a little tight, but I worked and worked to try to find some sleeping arrangement that kept people of certain ages together and tried to feel comfortable myself. He never could approach his mother to say he WANTED to stay with me for the week or that we wanted our own space, let alone we could stay in our own room or a hotel down there. So I cried over the situation feeling like I put a lot of effort into trying to find a compromise while that was never on her mind or anyone else's in the family. He didn't believe me, didn't listen to me, never tried to approach her-as I said earlier... Now, as I type this, he is down there in thunderstorms all week wanting to get a flight up here and stay with me. He had up until two hours before where we were spending time together that he could have realized he needed to make himself happy, not others and now they're all asking why he's upset and having no fun. The ONLY positive I can TRY to wrap my mind around is that he is realizing that he wants to be with me, but after he didn't listen to anything I said and didn't ever try to work with me on finding a solution to this problem. I feel like it's much too little far too late. I'd rather live separately at this point and regret trying to get into a relationship where his family is so clingy.Sorry this rambled.. I have a lot of anger towards his mother as she sits and bashes me saying he is "under my thumb" instead of asking if he is happy and BELIEVING him when he says yes.
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