GrapeKoolaid's tags:
Hospital Chart Bloopers - Actual writings from hospital charts:

1. The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.



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Comments

  • momsrock said on Mar 25, 2007....
    LMAO!!! OMG they were funny!!  My son is biracial and there was apparently some confusion as to what race he was. In his medical chart he changes from white to black on almost every other page... when I pointed it out the woman jokingly suggested that I should have named him Michael (Jackson).
  • beyondtheveil said on Mar 25, 2007....
    Funny,  almost scary at the same time.
     
    By the way, I would refuse an autopsy also, but wouldn't mind being circus sized.
  • waterstar said on Mar 25, 2007....
    that was very funny - good laugh
  • LadyGamer said on Mar 25, 2007....
    Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
     
    Um...how is this a typo?
  • beyondtheveil said on Mar 26, 2007....
    ladygamer- I brought my wife in after a hard day to give her a laugh and she said the same thing you did.
  • D6fer said on Mar 26, 2007....
    I like 17....I'm crying here!
  • mom said on Mar 26, 2007....
    Those are hilarious, they remined me of the bloopers over welfare letters that had been written.   I love #25 and anyone who has teenagers will agree with LG, I just don't see the humor.
  • LadyGamer said on Mar 26, 2007....
    Ugh...I was watching a movie with the fourteen year old and she started in on some angsty teen drama THING...I rolled my eyes and left the room. She LAUGHED.
  • mom said on Mar 26, 2007....
    lol, teenagers, I don't know whether to gag them or hug them.
  • LadyGamer said on Mar 26, 2007....
    You know, if you can get them to hold still for a hug....the gag can be snuck in... So you get to do both!
  • mom said on Mar 26, 2007....
    LOL, yeah that is good, but I have seen my teens hygiene and I can say I am not crazy about getting that close.
  • LadyGamer said on Mar 26, 2007....
    That is where I get lucky. Being on the dance team...she HAS to look and smell good. I ADORE the contract her dance instructor makes them sign.
  • silverwhisper said on Mar 26, 2007....
    i love that list! i think the rectal exam/thyroid one is the funniest. :>

    ed
  • wombat said on Mar 26, 2007....
    What a hoot!  I especially liked #12 and #18!  Very funny (and yes, frightening) post!
  • boyzmom said on Mar 26, 2007....
    I was laughing so hard, I am trying not to wake up the kids. I think the equal and reactive to light and accomodation is suppose to refer to the pupils.
  • copsunited said on Mar 26, 2007....
    ROLMAO...wow..and we woner about hospital !
  • dailyachesandpains said on Mar 26, 2007....
    I love these!  #11 is my favorite!
     
    Daily
  • gingersoul said on Mar 26, 2007....

    Grape..i am still laughing here and this the third time i read them....LOL...

    I love 1,6, 20, 23 and 25.......but it hard to choose.....

     

  • MissMimi said on Mar 26, 2007....
    Hilarious! I like 17 and 18.
  • glitzNglam said on Mar 26, 2007....
    OMG....this is hilarious!!!  It makes me wonder about the people at the hospital now....but its all good...we all make mistakes!!!  LOL   :)
  • harriedpsychmajor said on Mar 28, 2007....
    Awesome! Many LOLz were had. I'm quite partial to #21. Just what kinda circus is this anyway!?!?
  • lady-x said on Apr 01, 2007....
    Here is another joke for you guys. A man walks into a doctors office and demands to be castrated! The doctor asks him if he is sure that he wants this done. The man proceeds to go into a long speech about knowing his rights and says if his doctor doesnt operate he will find another doctor who will. The doctor makes an appointment for the surgery for a week later. The man is satisfied. Sure enough the dude comes into the hospital and has the op. He wakes up later in recovery. He sees another man laying on the bed next to his. "What did you have done?", he asks the other dude. "I have just been circumcized". "what's that?", the first dude asks. "That is when they chop off the tip if your cock". The is a moment of silence then, "Ooh, is THAT what it's called!"
  • mom said on Apr 01, 2007....
    Lady- that was hilarious,  it didn't sink in right away, I'm blond you know.  Then I busted up laughing.  That was so funny.
  • GrapeKoolaid said on Apr 01, 2007....
    I go in to see a doctor the other day, to get a physical, you know?  The doctor asks me to take my clothes off and sit on his examination table.  You know, the ones with the butcher paper roller at the top.  So I draw the curtains and remove my clothes.  I'm holding my pants and my shirt in a bundle in my arm, and I'm looking for somewhere to put them, but I don't see any hooks.  So I say to the doctor, "Where do you want me to put my clothes?"  He says, "Oh, just put them next to mine."
     
     
  • boyzmom said on Apr 02, 2007....

    Lady- That is funny, I hear people use the wrong words all the time and I just assume I know what they mean to say.

    Grape- I think I would leave that office in a hurry!

  • Tink11464 said on Oct 25, 2007....
    Hi Momsrock - we had a situation at the hospital with our daughter. She is biracial and has asthma - we had to take her to the emergency room and the put her as being black and that she was pale????? Hellloooooo....

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