How to break the barriers between you and your friends when you feel they are hurting, and you have only one computer and a keyboard to communicate?
Its an excruciating frustration. Have you ever had the impulse of smashing that screen in front of you, throwing the mouse against the wall and think...its never going to work.....its too complicated. Or....he/she is too far away........I wish we would live closer......our friendship will never last?
What else can you do?
So we send videos, poetries, links to websites, sending our words, our pictures....
Look, this is my house, and this is my dog, can you see me smiling? Do you recognize me? Look at my funny face? Do you still like me?
Fragile efforts to fill the emptiness, the distance...silly, fragile little efforts.
Is it enough?
Why don’t we just take the courage to go and meet our friends?
Hug them and tell them face to face “You have been so important for me all this time, I read each single word of yours and cried and smiled and I felt your love and support and your pain too and now I want to hug you for real, look in your eyes and hold your hands. You are a warm important thing for me. I hope to be the same for you”.
But we don’t do it.
Life is a tyrant.
.....
.
Tonight I feel in this way......immensely wide open and helpless.
What do you do when writing yet another row of sentences and pouring your heart in them and let them go scattering freely along the lines isn’t enough?
And you see all these sentences smashing against other words, bumping against other letters without giving comfort to you anymore?
Loneliness is a wall made of thin air.
It’s so ironic...you don’t see loneliness, actually, yet it’s all around you, it is you reading, its me writing....
Tonight there will be more than one friend hurting and we can’t help them like we would.......
........
So I made a cranberry-green tea and left the cup on the edge of the window...the night is warm...come to visit me and I will keep you company...
I need dear voices around me.....this is what all of us are thinking tonight....
And I will tell you and you will tell me: “Tomorrow is another day” just like Rossella would say....
.......
This is for all the Soulcasters who tonight will try again to reach each other crossing imaginary fields, running across virtual oceans, sending small boxes all over the world, whispering in the semi dark for not waking up their spouses who are blissfully sleeping in the other room.
Typing in chat rooms and exchanging real names for the first time. Real addresses. Becoming real persons. And in doing this becoming more dear to each other.
Its for the ones who will wave with huge printed letters hoping to be seen, who will scream aloud to not offend but to be heard.
The ones who will pretend to not cross their boundaries and not feel guilty about their confusing new emotions but will not be able to turn off the computer anyway and say goodnight. The ones who got hurt and yet apologized for their reactions, the ones who talk in third person because is too painful otherwise. The ones who lost their loved ones or are trembling in the night thinking about the future, a possible illness, a scary call from the doctors. The ones who are reading hoping to read that word and that word never arrive...
This is for all of us, lost in the cyberspace, afraid to say too much and eager to read more, chasing each other through the keypads. Consoling and needing to be consoled.
This is for all of you and for me too...
I hope I kept you company sometime, I hope I made you smile, I hope you laughed with me.......
Goodnight.....and good luck.
