Its hard to love someone whos broken......

 

Fighting everyone for being with him and fighting with him to be with him.

 

Everyone told me i was stupid and that he'd only hurt me in the end, but i think that i did that to myself. Everything started out so great he was everything i could have wanted in this world. He was my love he was my friend he was everything.

 

After being alone for 3 years and the only other relationship i had was a 13 year relationship that went to hell. And at 25 I was finally tired of being alone. I looked at him in such a different way than everyone else, they looked at the bad and all i could see was the good. I thought our friendship would only bring us together and in the beginning it did. We were always together and we had so much fun amd everyday was something new. I wasnt afraid anymore i had found what id been looking for.

 

Tomorrow we've been together for 11 months and im afraid that this is just like every other long drawn out bad ending. He has changed so much that i dont even know who he is anymore. Its like one day i woke up next to a stranger, i dont know how it happened, i dont know how to fix it.

 

I think that more so than anything im the one to blame, when he started acting weird i started accusing him of cheating, i started going through his cell phone when he went to sleep looking for girls numbers, i called and checked his voice mail( until he changed the pass word) I tell him that i think hes a liar all the time. But that wasnt until like 3 months ago i was on the comp and went to myspace looking for music and he had a screen name so i logon underit and there was this girl (a slut that ive knoen for years) all over his myspace the one that he said wasnt his. They were talking about how they had had sex and how they missed eachother and i freaked out so now everytime he leaves i think hes going there and im not too damn shy about pointing that out to him. He says hes never done anything with her but i dont believe him.

 

I have taken everything bad from my past relationship and applied it to this one and it is ruining it. We've gotten physical a couple times nothing real bad just pushing and it was more so me but if you've read my other blog you'll see that last night it was something way different.

 

I dont want to leave him, i love him, i just want to fix what is broken.