• MissMimi said on Mar 19, 2007....

  I think, Alyss, that this must be normal. Letting go seems like it would be a gradual process, even if you are completely convinced that divorce is the right thing to do. It's only natural that you would turn to the one who's provided that physical comfort, as contradictory as it sounds. I understand your feelings. I've been there.
  I know you're scared and nervous. I admire you greatly for making some difficult decisions, and being steadfast in your resolve to make a better life for yourself. {{{{Alyss}}}}

• polarheart said on Mar 19, 2007....

  Oh, Alyss, i wish I could give you a {{{{{BIG HUG}}}}}, I really felt your pain when I read the above, although I have never gone through what you are are facing.
   
  I also think that a lot of people go through what you are going through.  I've heard it said that people "go back" to their exes because they think they are missing them, but actually they are just missing all the good feeling they once had.
   
  Love Polar

• silverwhisper said on Mar 19, 2007....

  alyss, you're a smart lady. you already said what this means and what your reaction to it should be. i have every confidence in you.
  
  [hug]
  
  on the plus side: congrats on the 2 jobs. :>
  
  ed

• EvilTwin said on Mar 19, 2007....

  [Hugs] Alyss...  I know we talked about this today, but I wanted to write my support for you too.  Be strong, love.  I know it isn't easy.  Just know that I am here for you, as I know you are for me when I need it...
   
  <Shares my strength with you>
   
  Tomorrow will be a brighter day.  I know it will...

• lioneljay said on Mar 19, 2007....

  Alyss, I'm sure you're quite right that your anxieties were getting the better of you for the moment. And i think you're also right to assume that this won't be the last such time.
  
  Still, you are making remarkable headway and I congratulate you on your efforts so far.
  

• mlw32785 said on Mar 19, 2007....

  You are doing a great job! It's hard letting go and going for the new things in life. Everyone gets scared even when they know good things are in store for them. It's all about change  but as you will soon find out change can help get us to the next stage of our personal growth.

• secretlife said on Mar 19, 2007....

  alyss:  i can't imagine how hard this time is for you. 

  i know you realize that the end of a marriage involves grief and all those stages of grief. you have to go thru them in order to come out on the other side....

  better days are coming.....hang in there.

• hotaka said on Mar 20, 2007....

  
  It is certainly a difficult time for you and not made any easier by the fact that DH seems to be trying to be reasonable. But if the decision to move ahead with your separation is what you think is the best move then you have to stick to your guns and get yourself through this. It's easy to give in and think everything might work out if you stay when things are going well. But it wouldn't be long before you are reminded of the reasons why you wanted to leave in the first place. You just have to get yourself through this very hard part. After some time on the other side you will feel better and more free. Good luck, Alyss.

• insanityupsidedown said on Mar 20, 2007....

  I myself am almost in awe that I am about to say this [since I tend to avoid dealing with my emotions] but I think that you should let yourself induldge for just a little bit in your emotions. Cry a lot, sob in fact. Yell and scream. Pound your fists on a wall and scream, "It's not fair!" and "Fuck!" and whatever else you want. Just abandon the idea of "being strong" for a minute. This won't solve any problems, it won't even make you feel better for every day from here on out. But sometimes life looks just a little less overwhelming for today when you don't have tears welling up and you're not fighting to keep your hurt at bay. We're all human, and sometimes its ok to induldge in our humanity.  

• hotaka said on Mar 20, 2007....

  That's great advice from insanityupsidedown. It's true. Sometimes you gotta just get the hell out. I mean get the "hell" out you have bottled up inside. Kicking a cardboard box around is helpful too. I used to do it at work in Canada. I stopped though after I punched a box that wasn't empty but had salt wheels for horses inside. Crap, that hurt for weeks!

• Alyss said on Mar 20, 2007....

  Gosh, I really wasn't expecting to find so many comments and such thoughtful ones too. Thank you.
  
  mimi, I know that is what it is and truth be told that's the only kind of physical comfort I've ever had from him but the absence of it still hurts.
  
  insanity, I've been trying various things to get those emotions out and I think I am getting better at not repressing them.  Welcome and thank you for stopping by.
  
  hotaka, you seem to have plenty of 'ouch' stories to share, that one made me wince. ;-)
  
  I can't blame DH for his reasonableness, it's got to be better than him & I shouting and screaming but it is somehow harder to manage, sort of passive aggressive, and so very easy to give in to. But, I have been here before and I know nothing's going to change so this time I am going to stick to my decision and do what is necessary for us both to grow.
  
  
  

• frontanack said on Mar 22, 2007....

  Going through this is like walking on air...like swimming through dream/nightmare.  Not easy.  I send you my sincere affections, having gone through that valley.  Keep on keeping on.  The good will come quickly.

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