• conversations.with.fear said on Mar 15, 2007....

  tough one.

  i'm one of those 'wall people'.  most people i want to keep out except one person. but he seems to know my wall has a wee hole in it for him. so maybe it's not truly a wall after all. sometimes it is. cos when he totally screws up i have to have a way out. so the wall goes up.

  speaking from my own walled self, i don't think i would want someone to "tear down" my walls but to just stand outside them and knock and say "i'm here if you need me". does that make sense?

  cwf

• silverwhisper said on Mar 15, 2007....

  i don't think that people put up walls for that reason. i think they put up walls to defend themselves. people who want to see who cares enough to come after them generally don't hide very well, IMX.
  
  ed

• kruuyai said on Mar 15, 2007....

  I both agree and disagree with silverwhisper's comment.  I am one of those "wall" people, and it's true that the wall is a defense, but we really do want people to take the time or make the effort to tear the wall down.  I'm sure there are people who don't want their wall torn down, but if they do, you will usually know it fairly quickly.  Some of us will open up right away, as soon as we are sure that the other person isn't going to reject us or doesn't "want something" from us.  Others are slower, but you will see a gradual warming up.  If you don't I would guess that person truly wants to be left alone.

• KayRoseOrchid said on Mar 15, 2007....

  I am a "wall builder" myself. I do it to protect myself from harm. It comes naturally to me due to a life of constant battles with "friends."
  
  I do not build a wall to see who cares enough to break it down. Nobody can break down my wall but me. It takes time and depending on the individual I'm dealing with, the wall may always be there. It all depends on how the individual treats me. You have to GAIN my trust. I don't just hand it to anyone on a silverplatter.
  
  I hope this helps dear and that you are feelin good =P
  

• AlisonMarie19 said on Apr 14, 2007....

  If you are in a toxic relationship of any nature, there shouldn't have to be a sense of guilt over letting it go. (God, I'm starting to sound like Dr. Phil) I was in a very toxic friendship, and I hit rock bottom with her before I realized how toxic she was. Some people put up walls for the reason you said, but that's not a mature thing to do. Like KRO said, no one can take down your walls but you. And you can't make anyone do anything that they don't want to do, believe me, I know.
   
  Hope things are looking brighter for you.
  (((hugs)))
                    ^-^ ali m.

• mom said on May 01, 2007....

  I used to be a wall builder.  But because of a loving therapist who felt that I was worth his time and hung in there, I am free of the burden of walls.  My favorite things to say when I was hurt or mad was, "I don't need you, I don't need anybody."  Life is so much better without all the walls and I am not so emotionally claustrophobic either.

• southerngirl said on May 30, 2007....

  When partners in a relationship have limitations on how much he or she will reveal of self to there partner, you will know by the respones to question that are asked, you know when someone is evading question that you feel is an issues within the relationship, communications and actions will speak for itself.

• insearchofanswers said on Jan 28, 2008....

  It's really hard to tell how much a person is worth sticking around for. I have been struggling with a relationship for some time now. We broke up almost a year ago when I simply couldnt take the stress of being held responsible for everything in her life. Her job which we found together, her music career which we worked on together, I felt responsible for every difficulty she had with them. At leats that's how I felt at the time. I broke off the enagagment and went looking elsewhere, only to find that I couldn't get her off of my mind and felt like my life was empty without her. Ever since then I have tried to at least get her to communicate with me. She has refused to answer my calls for over six months and makes herself impossible to reach. We met weeks before her father passed away and she turned to me for alot of emtional support. She had lost her youngest sister five years earlier. I know she has been in tremendous pain and pushes her career in music to help her deal with that pain, but I also felt that all along, there was no consideration for me; the guy who was sticking with her throughout it all. I have moved on and started dating other women, but still cant get her off of my mind. Should I just let her go altogether, or should I hang in there?

• brit said on Jan 28, 2008....

  insearchofanswers,
  
  Your situation sounds like a tough one. It really sounds like she's making herself unreachable for a reason. She sounds like she could have been using you. I think maybe it's time to let her go.
  
  I hope this helps and if you feel like you need to ask more questions or get other views, please do! Good luck!
  

• ninjapirate said on Jan 28, 2008....

  In:  That sounds really tough.  I don't know your whole situation, but it sounds like you've known her for quite a while?  I agree with brit in that maybe there's a reason she's treating you this way, but maybe she's just been going through so much and she will need a lot of time.  I know how it is to not get someone off your mind even when they haven't been nice to you, and you try to move on and you can't.  I guess you gotta figure out if they're worth all that trouble and if you can deal with their issues too, which I am still figuring out myself.  Maybe you can date and be their friend, see where each one takes you?  I don't know if that helps, but good luck!    

• masterofdisaster said on Feb 16, 2009....

  but I do know that people put up walls because it has become a nessity. Before there were no walls or boundries and laws were not established that let people run rampid and tear someone down. A wall was disigned to stop people from making the same mistakes and doing there wrong to someone over and over again. At some point the wall should come down or lowered a few inches. But the person must first state there true intent and both parties must come to a mutual understanding. If any thing else is the case keep your wall strong and head high because soner or later the wright thing will come your way. Samuel K Smith

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