This is the day that I give up the thought of Brian. I prayed on Sunday that he would not be a distraction to me. Since then he has been more of a distraction than anything else. He has distracted me from my walk.

What is it to truly surrender? I have no control over this situation in my life and since Sunday I have tried to control it in my mind. To plan it out, to worry about what I did and didn't do correctly. In the end, God takes my output (whether good or bad) and makes it work for His best. His best for me, for Brian and for His own glory.

My first desire is for a family of my own. God may or may not see fit to give me this. It pains me to think that maybe He does not have this in store for me. Yet though He slay me still I will trust Him. There will come a time when I will falter in this and He will have to walk me through in His grace.

So I say publicly, I surrender to you God. Your will only for my life. That I may maximize my time for you. That you would measure me grace when temptations come. Nothing can come before you. I am Much Afraid who must learn lessons time and time again. Who must lay her heart on the altar numerous time. But who in the end comes out beautifully crafted and toned.
I give my mind back to you God. And my heart, that He may guard it. He is jealous of it.

How do I reconcile my will to His desires? That my will will reflect His desires. Show me how to do this Lord.

I give it all up Abba.....

QJ