I was going to try and stay away from the computer today, but I felt a need to write. I found out some horrible news this past weekend. Well, my cousin was in town so I decided to call him up to see if he wanted to hang. He had told me that my aunt had a stroke a few weeks ago. This news shocked me to death. I couldn’t believe that my aunt, who lives in the same town as I do, had a stroke and no one told me. I went by to see her last night. Every thing is the same except now she has a difficult time speaking. I had to spend several minutes trying to comprehend what she was trying to say. It broke my heart to see her like this. She had always been very self reliant and now she needed help the most. I went with my cousin to see her so that made things a bit easy. He also had a chance to warn me of her new speech impediment. Life sure can change on you in a heart beat.

 In other news, I was already sort of feeling down this past weekend. I was doing some serious thinking about my life and the decisions I have made and want to make. One of the things that sort of boggled my mind was the following question:  Will I spend the rest of my life trying to compensate for all the things I didn’t have as a child? I watched my step-father when I was growing up and it always seemed to me that was what he did. It scares me to think I am following in his erroneous footsteps.  I know growing up I felt I didn’t get much attention so I would always find ways to get that attention somewhere else. Could my whole hope of being a star rely totally on this want? Do I not feel totally complete as a person unless someone else seems to value me first? Oh the questions.

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