Its been awhile since I've written. My husband has been gone since October and this is the hardest thing I have done bar none.
My husband is in northern Iraq in a FOB I like to call "shithole". Please excuse the language. And though I am unhappy that he lives in such terrible conditions, I am so grateful he is not in a war such as Vietnam where I couldn't speak to him or send him things he needs. How those wives did it is beyond me. It is hard enough knowing he has no running water, place to get things he needs and basically lives un substandard conditions. But, it is war and I have to say that although I wish he wasn't there, and I miss him with every breath I take , I do thank God that I am blessed enough to beable to hear his voice and send packages filled with love to let him remember how much his children and I love and miss him.
I thought holidays would be the worst, but I am learning that holidays are only one day and that I am completely capable of making it one day. It's everyday in the morning when I would sit in the bathroom while he got ready and we would talk and laugh before going to work. Its 11:30 when he would come home and we would have lunch together and I would make him something to eat. It's 5:30pm when I would take off his boots and he would laugh at me and tell me I was going to pull his leg off. It's rolling over in the middle of the night and not being able to put my arms around him and tell him how much I love him and appreciate him. That's the hardest part of all.
Our youngest son is walking now. A little spitfire full of life and love and happiness. His father doesn't get to see this great transformation of independence and that is really hard.
Everything I do I think of him. I picture his arms around me and us loving each other like 2 kids. The fact I am so madly in love with him makes it so lonely sometimes that getting out of bed seems like a good enough task for the day.
So I planted our flower garden today and thought how he would tell me it looks so beautiful. Then he would order me pizza because there would be no way his wife would cook after working in the yard all day.
Yes, he is the love of my life. He is my best friend and I miss his touch and his smile and the way he makes everything okay. He is a strong man that I have been so blessed to call my husband.
Yes I am learning many many things. And I know now that I love my husband so much more than I need him and that I never want to be without him. I can survive without him, but I never want to have to do that. I can take care o the house and children, but its not as enjoyable as when he is here to share it with. I always knew I was totally in love with my husband, but this has showed me that I am stronger than I thought I could be even when I don't want to be.
