I'm a little scared.
A very little scared. So little, that it's a thought I can push out of my mind with the flick of a pinkie (my hurt right pinkie, even.), but it's there.
The minor fear is that I am slowly, purposefully, driving myself insane.
When one writes a medical blog about one's health, gathering material for your next blog entry means paying attention to new symptoms and monitoring the old ones so I can report them to all the people who don't read this. With no significant reward for taking on this risk, the notion I'm already insane may not be unfounded.
The insanity I speak of, though, is hypochondria. I am not a hypochondriac, quite the opposite; and I'll get to that in a moment. The stuff that happens to my body in its slow decay happens to everyone, but it's in everyone's best interest to shrug it off and only pay attention to symptoms if they become serious or last an inordinately long time. When you write a blog, though, every mishap, every problem, becomes a potential lesson one can teach to those who may suffer it later. Then again, presenting these symptoms may present true hypochondriacs with more groundless worries. (Apologies, if you're one of them and you've lost sleep.) The reward for blowing off your symptoms is that you don't pay doctor bills that would not have helped you. You do not waste time in doctor's offices, and you don't pick up germs from the truly sick people that deserve to be there. Hypochondria can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Me; I'm the opposite. I go to the doctor when I've broken a bone or I'm in need of verification of a cholesterol therapy I'm experimenting with. No sniffle or sneeze has brought me to Dr. Coolidge, ever. I go to work with headaches, chills, dizziness, the works; and no one is the wiser (though maybe they're out sick the next week, but I haven't noticed much correlation. I don't seem to spread germs well.)
Now comes the blog. I'm noticing symptoms that don't go away. I don't notice them moment by moment but every so often I'm reminded and ask myself, how long ago should I have healed from that? Do I go to a doctor for it? Was there a time when I wouldn't have noticed it and I'm worried for nothing? It's a sort of out-of-body hypochondria. I don't know what's normal because I haven't paid attention before. In this manner, I'm wondering whether I should treat my left knee in some way because this problem has lasted for months and months and is not improving. Am I paying too much attention to it because of this blog or have I ignored it far too long because writing this blog has made me think I'm going paranoid and this is run-of-the-mill ordinary stuff for a 40 year old? I'm going with the latter for the time being and the left knee may end up much worse off. You'll get to see. Maybe it will recover though. That's why we do this dance of write and read, you and I, right?
It gets worse. If I'm to deliver a proper blow by blow description of my sinking into the grave, I need to give more accurate prognoses. If I say everything's pretty good and I collapse suddenly, you may get a little spooked thinking death is a sudden thing when perhaps it's simply ill-founded optimism on my part. In the PROGNOSIS section I may have been a bit too confident in my body and a bit too upbeat in my perspective. The trick will be to remain upbeat in spirit while giving an objective, realistic estimation of the next week's state of health.
By asking myself what I can realistically expect of my body's abilities, I may come to suppress the optimism that I suspect may be helpful towards recovery from the little nicks and dings I inflict on myself in this little game we call "life."
Still, if this Blog is to fulfill its purpose of describing the human condition, I need it to be reliable in its reporting. In this spirit, you may find some terms couched with modifiers indicating whether they are subjective opinion or empirically verified. The prognoses will sound more glum than I myself feel, at least for now. Will I change my perception and become less sanguine about my physical condition? Or can I stay aloof and enjoy the comedy that is the withering shell encasing our souls?
Write you later.
Fitness Goals:
60 beats per minute resting pulse.
One mile jog in ten minutes or less.
100 lbs. -15 times - two cycles.
Current Fitness Record:
Pulse: 60 beats per minute (unconfirmed)
Mile: 4 minutes jogging. .31 miles
Weights: 2 days of 75 lbs. x 4 complete cycles 1 set of 90 lb. benchpresses.
60 beats per minute resting pulse.
One mile jog in ten minutes or less.
100 lbs. -15 times - two cycles.
Current Fitness Record:
Pulse: 60 beats per minute (unconfirmed)
Mile: 4 minutes jogging. .31 miles
Weights: 2 days of 75 lbs. x 4 complete cycles 1 set of 90 lb. benchpresses.
RECENT SYMPTOMS : None
ONGOING SYMPTOMS: weak, painful knee. (left patella). Inflexible pinkie and middle finger of right
hand. (70 and 90% flexibility, respectively); occassional pain between 1st and 2nd
toes of right foot especially when walking fast.
DIAGNOSIS: Recovering confirmed stress fracture of secondary phalange of right hand. Possible joint damage in knee. Suspected hyperextended tendon in foot.
ONGOING TREATMENT: Exercise, gentle stretching of fingers, increase consumption of leafy greens.
PROGNOSIS FOR FOLLOWING WEEK: Tiny increase of flexibility of
fingers. Improvement of right foot. Continued knee discomfort. DIAGNOSIS: Recovering confirmed stress fracture of secondary phalange of right hand. Possible joint damage in knee. Suspected hyperextended tendon in foot.
ONGOING TREATMENT: Exercise, gentle stretching of fingers, increase consumption of leafy greens.
Next: Ten.
