i have to be at work in three hours and twenty one minutes.  this means it is currently early, early morning and the moon is still in full bloom.  this also means there is something that borderlines on the alarming side in concern to my sleep pattern.  i am burning incense and quietly listening to the pretenders.  also am i drinking juice.  deliciously delicious juice.  peace orange mango juice. 


i wrote my mom an email.  in it, i made the suggestion that she cross her fingers for me (this wasn't a random request.  it was relevant to the paragraph i had written before it.  i will tell you not what it was in reference to for fear of overexposure).  then i started thinking.  uh oh.  i just wonder where things like that originated.  who was the very first person to make the gesture of putting their middle finger over their pointer?  and how did this person come to think that it might or should imply hope towards another's luck (or chances) in concern to (or of) something (happening)?  or is it intended as a gesture of luck towards another's hope?  either or.  and the real inquiry lays in respect to how it caught on.  so much so that it has become universal.  maybe it was one of my ancestors.  maybe it wasn't. 


life has been good, despite my empty bank account and my bizarre and unpredictable relationship with sleeping.   all is aligned and chaos is alive, respectively to each situation and emotion.   i was thinking how it would be nice to provide myself with a bit more income as financially i seem to be in a constant state of struggle.  troubling, somewhat, a truth.  i'm not sure if it is a matter of being under-paid, being young, or having a marginal lack of control corresponding to my deep and passionate love for clothes.  art supplies have also proven themselves expensive.  perhaps it is a beautiful, pocket depleting combination of all.  for more money to come my way i could, of course, do a variety of things.  ideally, i'd like to get paid for something i am already doing.  something that already brings me joy.  you know, like being the local concubine.  or like writing mindful mindless blogs at four o'clock in the morning.  or like listening to lauryn hill.  or like contributing to my shoe collection.  or like talking to my best friend on the phone.  or maybe even like painting my nails.  or what about like visualizing.  or like dreaming.  or like having meaningful conversations about love and life.  orrrr, like existing. 

digression is composed of insanely absurd amounts of fun. 


tonight while i was getting gas there was a man who was on the opposite side of the gas pump.  to his right was his van and his daughter.  both man and daughter were reminiscent of confused heads who may or may not have been consumed by crack.  he asked me (while i was on the phone and simultaneously pumping gas...i can multi-task like a champion) if i could spare some money as he had apparently run out of gas and had no source for compensation.  i told him (while simultaneously being on the phone and pumping gas) that i had none.  i was sorry.  he proceeded to fill me in on his situation at hand.  his daughter and he lived in the van.  they were going to his mom's, her grandmom's house.  they ran out of gas.  he didn't have any credit cards because pfff, credit cards are a hassle.  his daughter reiterated the whole living in the van thing.  yeah, they lived in the van.  still, sorry i am mr. homeless man and daughter.  if i could help you, i would.  i told him not to worry and that someone would be along and they would help him because they would be able to.  and more importantly, willing to.  ok, god bless me said homeless van man.  they also apparently thought my conversation on the phone was a funny one as laughter and repetition of my side of the chat happened at least twice following the above described happening.  the daughter had orange hair. 


i may or may not attempt to sleep for an hour before i am pleasured with the company of schizophrenics. 


for many reasons, but one very significant and miraculous in particular, for me (and maybe even for van man and daughter), if you would, keep your fingers crossed.




<3