• secretlife said on Feb 28, 2007....

  truth:  I have several friends who are alcoholics and the Serenity Prayer is very special to them.  I will tell you that I read it years ago and couldn't really understand the wisdom in living one day at a time ....not until i got sick did those words really become meaningful to me.  When i first learned that it would be 3 months until i had to go back for my next test, I thought.......oh God, how many beautiful days is that?  90 days...i get to enjoy 90 days....It was only then that the beauty of those words hit me.  Enjoy each moment.  Live each day.  And you know, it's really enough....

  Emily Dickinson's poem is also meaningful to me.

  When I was writing the eulogy for my father, I thought long and hard about his life and what it meant.  I thought about the many many days of my childhood, about every lesson he taught and how he lived.  To those looking in and not knowing, they would say he lived a 'small' life.  He was father, husband, brother, uncle, grandfather, friend....He raised a family and took care of his children.  He taught us love by example and laughed with us often.  He was a kind man.  A gentle man.  A generous man.

  History won't remember him.

  But we will.

  Because to us, he lived a great BIG life.

  He did what Dickinson was expressing......

  you can make a difference in living a small life.  Being a good parent, a loving child, a compassionate friend..  these things matter.  they matter alot.

  i have not lost the ability to see the true value and the true worth of a life. 

  My father's legacy was a legacy of love.

  If I can leave the same ...I will say my life has been successful.

• truthsayer said on Feb 28, 2007....

  How your response blessed me.  So then, I am not crazy, or alone, eh?

• secretlife said on Feb 28, 2007....

  absolutely not alone.  but you already knew this. :-)

• truthsayer said on Feb 28, 2007....

  lol  :^) verrrry good, thank you...(still smilin')

• truthsayer said on Feb 28, 2007....

  What was your "test" for, if you don't mind my asking?  I had to memorize that prayer, because, some days, living one day at a time seemed too huge...I needed to remember to live "one moment" at a time.

   

• secretlife said on Feb 28, 2007....

  i have bladder cancer truth.  i have had a bunch of recurrences, and a bunch of surgeries...so i go for these cystoscopes every 3 months just to check if anything's growing back in there.  and if there is, then they go in and take it out, but at least it's caught early.

  so those 90 days between tests.......i live in those days because i know for those days i am 'healthy'. 

• truthsayer said on Feb 28, 2007....

  Would you please consider looking into a product I know of?  I am not hawking a product, but we take it here, and it has changed our lives; seriously.

  It is something that God designed us to need, but our processed and genetically engineered foods have all but destroyed it.  It is called glyconutrients.  They are sugars that we didn't even have microscopes to see until the past 10-20 years. 

  The company is called Mannatech, and the product we take, is Ambrotose.  Have you ever heard of it?  I think it was satan's plan to destroy the integrity of our food, and this product helps to fight that degradation.

  Let me know if you want to know anymore about it, and I will post a link to some more information.

  We are soooo much better.  We really don't have many health issues at all anymore.  Not even colds.  But the stuff is especially effective with cancer.  Also, I just read about MSG being to cancer like sugar is to diabetes.  Bad analogy, but it sounded better than cockroaches ; )

  truth

• PastorJ4Christ said on Mar 01, 2007....

  Truth, I don't know where to begin. I am not trying to be depressing, but I have grown to believe that true happiness is unattainable, at least for me. Let me explain.
  When I was young, and up into my teens, I was very empathetic. It was if I could almost feel the pain and anguish of a tree being cut down, or feel the suffering of animals around me. I could feel so much. I could just look at someone and feel what they were feeling. Do you know what I mean? And, then I decided that I could'nt handle it any longer. I got really depressed and often thought about suicide. It was just as if no matter where I looked, the veil would be pulled back and I could feel the truth. The whole world just seemed to be reeling in agony. So, I pulled back. I ran away from my gift. I ran away from God, my only peace.
  When I began college, I ran to what ever I thought would bring me pleasure and happiness. Whether it was sex, alcohol, or pot, I did it in hopes of finding happiness. this carried over to my first marriage, where my selfishness resulted in a terrible divorce. I found myself so far away from God and my gift.
  I wanted to be loved and I wanted to love, but I had know idea what love was, because I ran away from the source and author of love, Jesus Christ.
  I don't know,,,,there is a lot here in the middle but I want to say this,,,,now I have learned to be content with being broken. I chose to come home to my Father and I began to search for my "gift" and now, I am regaining my empathy and rediscovering the love of God all over again.
  Truth, love is joyous and wonderful. That should be all of our aim in these dark days. If I sought happiness, I would be lost, but, because I know I am loved by my Father, I am full of joy!
  I hope some of what I have said has made sense.
  Be well my friend.
  Jason

• silverwhisper said on Mar 01, 2007....

  truthsayer queried
  1. what is it that gives your life purpose, fulfills you, and lends meaning to your fleeting life?
  2. are there different levels of happiness? contentment? fulfillment? where are you, on which "level", as you see it, today?
  3. who is responsible for your happiness? long term? short term? on any terms? ;)

  
  for me:
  
  1. my relationships with my wife, first and foremost, and secondarily, my relationships w/ my family and friends.
  2. to me, contentment and fulfillment are signs of being satisfied w/ where one is in life. therefore, i reject them, as i want to continue getting what i can from this marvelous journey.
  3. utlimately, i am responsible for my happiness: how i choose to view things and the contexts in which i do so are of my own devising. i possess those tools within myself, and even if i were still not happy, i can do something about that, take steps to change those things that make me not happy.
  
  ed

• mommyof2 said on Mar 01, 2007....

  Love the poems!

• beyondtheveil said on Mar 03, 2007....

  truthsayer- I agree with Ed's assessment of your three questions

• beyondtheveil said on Mar 03, 2007....

  truthsayer- I agree with Ed's assessment of your three questions except for the second and it is my view of contentment and fulfillment.
   
  I have never been fully contented or fulfilled, so my view of happiness would be satisfaction with all things around me. This would provide me with the ability to enjoy and nourish life.
   
  I have spent my life striving and yearn for the day I can just enjoy. This to me is not stagnation, but the wisdom and self-satisfaction needed for a truly creative and fulfilling life.

• truthsayer said on Mar 05, 2007....

  PastorJ4Christ:

  I am inclined to agree; thus the title of this blog.  I find my happiness in perseverance.  I too had to learn to handle my connection to people.  I even got into relationships because I was able to see the good in people, to see them more as Jesus sees them.  I had to learn to pay attention to their present condition as well. 

  There is something in theatre and drama called "psychic distance".  Mine was very short!  The distance from me, to their pain, suffering, and other emotions, was not very far!  The same gifts that God had given me to use for His Kingdom, the world could use to manipulate me with too.  I had to learn, to discern, and develop my gifts in the proper ways.  I had to grow up.  As I matured in my walk, so did my gifts. 

  Remember that gifts and calling come without repentance...you are born with them.  It is your responsibility to grow in them, discipline yourself and develop self control.

  I am just glad that you did come back.  Don't feel bad about it anymore.  I look at it this way:  Of the twelve disciples, one betrayed Him who was marked for perdition, one denied Him but returned, and the others all doubted Him!  We can pretty much count on having come from one of those positions, before we genuinely know who He is, and God forbid that we find ourselves in the 1/12th of all Christians that betray him.  1/12th will deny Him, but return to Him, and be stronger than ever in our faith.  The other 10/12ths, or 5/6ths of us will doubt, but eventually commit and serve Him, and receive His Kingdom.

  You are in good company now : )

  truthsayer 

   

• truthsayer said on Mar 05, 2007....

  To silverwhisper:

  I knew your answer to the first one ; )

  This is the one that surprised me a little:

  2. to me, contentment and fulfillment are signs of being satisfied w/ where one is in life. therefore, i reject them, as i want to continue getting what i can from this marvelous journey.

  I can see how you would feel that contentment is more passive about life, as you say, but what about fulfillment?  Do you believe that any person can have a call on their life?  I don't just mean Christians.  I am asking because of the Bible which says that a 'gift and calling come without repentance'.  (call meaning to summon to a specific duty, profession, etc.) 

  The Word also says to stay in the vocation you have been called to, when you repent and receive Christ.  It seems to be where they can do the most good, right where they are already positioned; but only have to change their focus from serving the world, to serving God.  Anyway, having that call go unfulfilled would be a life less than full, right?  What about a marriage vow being unfulfilled?  I think there are many ways that we are in danger of living an unfulfilled life...daily dangers.

  I will share this with you, and with PastorJ4Christ...at one time in my life, I had to learn to find "happiness" or contentment with watching a small patch of grass, dirt and the residing insects!  Until I could appreciate the simple things of life, I could not possibly appreciate the whole of Creation, and my little place in it.  I don't know why I mention it, other than it was in learning to appreciate the little things, in all of their complexity, I was unable to be content, or happy!

  Thanks for your thoughtful comments Jason and Ed.

  truthsayer
  

• truthsayer said on Mar 05, 2007....

  Hello mommyof2!  I am so glad to see you again!  I am also glad that you liked the poems.  My own poetry, back in the day, was usually rather dark.  So, I have turned to the poetry of others to uplift me. 

  Thank you for commenting, please do so again.

  truthsayer

• truthsayer said on Mar 05, 2007....

  Greetings beyondtheveil:

  I noticed that you are waiting for "the day".

  1.This would provide me with the ability to enjoy and nourish life.

  I'll bet you are already a "life nourisher" ; )  I also bet you are pretty good at enjoying your family, your mate, etc. 

   
  2. I have spent my life striving and yearn for the day I can just enjoy. This to me is not stagnation, but the wisdom and self-satisfaction needed for a truly creative and fulfilling life.
   
  You must not always, wait, to enjoy though.  Right?  I mean, there is balance in life too, yes?  Do you believe that wisdom and self satisfaction are necessary components to being creative? 
   
  I think most creativity, true creativity comes out of a very real need to create.  I think it was Tillie Olsen who said, 'we who write are survivors, we write, to survive.'  I think it is that way with most of us.  I am a creative parent because my desire is to be a good parent, and to raise my children properly, so that they can be all that they can be.  That, to me would be fulfillment; having my children far surpass anything that I ever did, or imagined.
   
  But those are just questions that I have, so that I can understand more, and better, our human condition, and who "we" are.  I thank you for your thoughtful response.  It helps me.
   
  truthsayer

• silverwhisper said on Mar 06, 2007....

  truthsayer: a calling certainly has secular meanings--i believe that teachers, nurses and one or two other professions are a calling as well. that said, i think that when we are being truest to ourselves we can find fulfillment, which i think is pretty close to what you're asking.
  
  ed

• truthsayer said on Mar 09, 2007....

  SW:

  I just looked up vocation, which is almost exactly the same definition as "call":

  (call meaning to summon to a specific duty, profession, etc.)

  So, in that, yes...gifts and a calling come without repentance.  Thanks for helping me to clarify that. 

  I think you are right, it is pretty close to what I was asking. 

  truth

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