I have written about the upcoming wedding I am to be in. I am the maid-of-honor!!!!!!! This is a huge duty,I have heard. The thing is, I don't exactly know why I was picked to fill the shoes! haha. No pun intended. (ok,I'm corny)
I was really good friends with the bride-to-be in high school. A couple of years we were inseperable. But as I look back on the friendship now,it wasn't a good one. She was demanding and she wasn't the best of friends. She was always getting mad at me. Making me feel like I did something wrong. Making me worry and analyze everything I did. Which is a horrible character trait I have now. I let people do that to me. I let them walk all over me. Which is exactly what she did to me in high school. Well, 3 years ago I couldn't watch her great aunt(who was really old and decrepid) she was going to another friend of ours,her sons birthday party. I had an emergency thing come up and my health wouldn't allow me to watch her aunt for her. She wrote me off,and didn't speak to me for 3 years!!!!!!! Til finally she located me on Myspace and apologized. We began to talk a little bit. Nothing big. Not like we were before. We didn't hang out or talk quite that often.
Recently she landed herself in the hospital. She was apparently on the verge of death. I went and visited her,as any friend would do when they hear their friend might die. No one else but family did. I just felt the need to do so. Before she went into a coma she had called me and asked me to be her maid-of-honor in her wedding. Of course I said ok. (I guess the whole"letting people walk all over me" thing still runs rampant through my blood).
After she recovered,she held a meeting at her house for all the girls to get together and start the planning. I show up early. I am treated like a stranger. She doesn't act happy to see me,nothing. As if I did something wrong. As guilty as she made me feel in high school. The other girls arrive and she's a little friendlier to them. She doesn't ask my opinion on anything and that was that. The next event was the fitting of the dresses. The first time I couldn't go because I was working. She rescheduled anyways. The next time I called her to see if we were going,she cancelled because she was sick. But she wasn't even going to call me and tell me! I had to call her!!!! I might mention it's an hour away,so if I had gone down there and she wasn't there,I'd be really upset. So,the day we finally go to the dress fitting. I show up right as she is getting there and she and another girl,who will be in the wedding,get out of her car. This other girl was just recently an enemy of hers. They were fighting. Obviously not anymore. If someone had decieved me the way this girl did I wouldn't be friends with her ever again. Apparently she's more forgiving. Or transparent,you choose. So,they get out.. I'm thinking I could've rode with them... saved the gas.... been included. It was odd. She,once again,treats me like I don't exist. Neither of them smile at me as I walk up to them. I want to crawl in a hole and die,with the way they made me feel. Then the other girls arrive. I don't know them. They don't say Hi. She doesn't introduce us. Wow! I'm feeling great!!!! The rest of the day was uncomfortable. And I'm thinking "When this is over I will have nothing to do with her!!!!" What a horrible thought,right.
So,I guess my whole point is, why am I doing this all over again? Why can't I once and for all stand up for myself??? Tell her I don't want to be in her wedding. She's not acting like a friend. We don't talk on the phone OR hang out in person. She has 2 kids and understandably is busy. But I know for a fact she has daily convo's on the phone with the girl who she was just mortal enemies with. What did I do? I don't kiss the ground she walks on. I have my own life. She dissed me for 3 years. And when I do call her,she acts totally uninterested. We have nothing to talk about. We changed. And that's ok. But what's not ok is the fact that I still cannot stand up to her. I'm not even afraid that we won't be friends if I say I don't want to be in her wedding. I don't need her fake friendship. I just can't stand up for myself. I hate it.
Maybe I don't want to ruin her wedding plans. I am the maid-of-honor. If I backed out I would be the bad guy. I'd have my name ripped apart. And I live in a very very small town.
You're all thinking how pathetic I am,right?
HairSprayGirl posted on Feb 28, 2007
| views: 471
Comments
-
dailyachesandpains said on Feb 28, 2007....
HSG, I SWEAR, you need to back out of this wedding! Why should you constantly be feeling like shit over HER wedding? I told you, I was glad when one of my friends backed out. You know she'll hold this against you forever if you do, but I'd be GLAD if she did, then you would NEVER have to deal with her again.Do it the worst way possible, EMAIL it to her, OR, OR even BETTER, leave it as a comment on her myspace!!! Tell her how you feel! She can always delete it later ;-)I hope you back out of this for the love of God!:-){{{hugs}}}Daily -
HairSprayGirl said on Feb 28, 2007....
Daily... I have been thinking about how to back out since I said Yes! I guess I was flattered that she wanted me to be in it. I know what I should do. It's the whole idea of being the "bad maid" or whatever you wanna call it. lol. I mean,the girl hardly even talks to me. Isn't your maid-of-honor a close friend?! One you talk to all the time? I couldn't feel anymore distant from her than I do now. I'm a freakin' doormat. Oh! and I've thought about doing it through email. That's so flaky!!!!! But,does it matter? -
dailyachesandpains said on Feb 28, 2007....
When she's treating you that way, no it doesn't matter how you do it. I would seriously put it on her myspace, lol. Just to be a TOTAL biatch, of course, for making me feel crappy. If you put it on her myspace page and then it disappears you know she got it, lol. Email, you might want to use a tracking program to make sure she got it. Readnotify.com. She gave you a high honor, as far as weddings, and it baffles me why she treats you like the runner she'll be walking on at the church!Daily -
HairSprayGirl said on Feb 28, 2007....
Yeah,I really don't get it either. When we WERE best friends in high school we were close. But then again,not that comfortable of friends. She comes from a rich family. Inherited,but still. She is spoiled. So I guess she is used to people kissing her ass. I haven't and maybe that bugs her. Instead of telling me what I've done to make her act like this toward me,she just acts nonchalant. But you see,she makes me feel like I've done something,when I haven't !!! We're 24 years old... we have our own lives. She can't expect me to act like I did in high school. I have my own life. My own business. Just because everyone else drops what their doing for her. She didn't speak to me for 3 years! I should be the one treating her like shit. I could write to her myspace account. I can track that. I can tell if she reads it. I don't know why I'm so nervous about this. I know I don't want to be in the wedding. I feel funny though. -
dailyachesandpains said on Feb 28, 2007....
Tell her exactly what you said here, about how she makes you feel!Easy as that. Look, the girl is giving you freaking panic attacks, that's enough to say "I DO NOT want to be in your wedding!"You can do it, but only if you want out of this.Daily -
HairSprayGirl said on Feb 28, 2007....
Well, thank you Daily !!! You are my most treaured confidant here!!!!! Thank you for your support. -
dailyachesandpains said on Feb 28, 2007....
No problem soul sista! lol!Let me know what you do and/or how it goes!Daily -
dailyachesandpains said on Feb 28, 2007....
Then you can delete that comment if you want, lol. Not that I don't love EVERYONE here ;-) It's the spammers outside of here -
secretlife said on Feb 28, 2007....
I wouldn't be her maid of honor for all the tea in china.
a maid of honor is someone who is your dearest friend in the world. it's someone who you want to be part of your life forever.
the sooner you tell her you can't be in her wedding, the better you're going to feel.
who cares if she talks about you? she's probably already doing that anyway.
-
Lucytorial said on Feb 28, 2007....
Run like mad as far away from this bitch as you can...... NO WAY should you feel like this...
God what a cow... I'd just email her..... let her be a bitch if you have the integrity to let her know and she wants to try and trash you she'll only make herself look like a selfish little git anyway.... god run run runnnn
-
HairSprayGirl said on Feb 28, 2007....
Secret... I know! I could see her wanting me to be her maid-of-honor if we were best friends still and kept in contact more than once a month. But even though I forgave her, I never forgot what she did to me,and don't really WANT to. Ugh. I wish I weren't such a door mat. And I wouldn't doubt if she were talking shit about me anyways.
Lucy....Now that I've actually started to feel brave I am starting to feel bad! That is my problem. I care way too much what people think. And not just what they think but HOW they feel. I hate to hurt people. But,in this case,I feel I need to stand up for myself. I don't do that enough.
and thank you daily...you are awesome! -
BrenneeLee said on Feb 28, 2007....
I just got married two years ago. We did the huge wedding and the whole shebang....
Some of my girls didn't know each other... I had people in my wedding from 3 states.
But....
They all met each other before the wedding, were all invited to the events, were all loved by me in one way or another.
I'd say ditch this hosebeast... This is one of those things I'd turn away from and never look back on.
-
HairSprayGirl said on Feb 28, 2007....
Since you were a bride, how would you take this ? If your maid-of-honor backed out on you??? see, why do I even care???? ugh! -
BrenneeLee said on Feb 28, 2007....
Oh dear... you're still thinking about her feelings.....*sigh* I think you're far too sweet hun.
Okay... she's gonna be mad, and she's gonna say bad things about you, but look... she's going to replace you and move on. In a year, this girl won't mean a thing to you. She won't even exist in your life. Try to think of it that way.
What kind of person has to have a practical stranger as a maid of honor anyways?! She probably doesn't even want you in it now that she's made up with her enemy/friend and is just hoping you back out. Do her the favor. *wink*
-
HairSprayGirl said on Feb 28, 2007....
I did it !!!!!!!!! I wrote the bloody email. I took the wimpy road out. But it felt good. My finger lingered on the send button for a while,but I did it. I know she will be pissed,but I know this is the best thing I could ever do for MYSELF!!! Being in her wedding would've been solely for her and I would have been uncomfortable. For once to do something for me feels good. Even though I am still worrying what she is going to say in reply or say about me. I will,in time,get over it !!!!! I feel empowered. I finally stood up for myself. Never knew it could feel this good. The thing is,Bren, I never used to be such a stranger to this girl. We used to be best friends. But ever since she dissed me for 3 years I have felt cold and distance from her. I wonder if she ever sensed it. Who cares!!!!! She has 4 other girls to choose from. Thank you ALL for your support. I love you girls!!!!!!!!!!!! -
BrenneeLee said on Feb 28, 2007....
I just got the biggest smile of the day from that. Doesn't it just feel like tons have been lifted off of you?!
I'm so happy for you... if I wasn't at the truck stop, I'd get up and do a little dance for you.
ps... she'll get over it. Let her treat someone else like dirt. You're faaarrrr to good for people like her.
-
HairSprayGirl said on Feb 28, 2007....
It felt amazing Bren. I had myself barracaded in this room,letting no one in,so I could gather my thoughts and get the email written. So when I was done my bf walks in and I hugged him and said "That felt good!!!". Both my mom and my bf are here,supporting me. I feel so much better,it's a huge load off my shoulders. -
Lucytorial said on Feb 28, 2007....
Okay now comes the **{{{{I feel good de ne nene nee}}}}*** dance...
Well done... now doesn't it feel great! proud as punch.... woooohhhoooo
-
HairSprayGirl said on Feb 28, 2007....
I did the dance that's for sure!! It's like a breath of fresh air came into my lungs. But now I am awaiting the dreaded reply. I'm bracing myself for something unpleasant..or possibly,no reply. But you know what, I'm okay with it. Whatever happens,will happen. And I can start my road to recovery in other aspects of my life. That was something that bugged me. -
dailyachesandpains said on Feb 28, 2007....
YES! YES! YES!I'm SOOOO proud of you, I really am! Now don't you just feel so silly for allowing her to stress you out?You are my twin, I swear, I get psyhed about things I don't want to do (eh hem, make up with sister-in-law and mother in-law) and send out the damn email, feel great, then stress about the reply.I have YET to get a reply from sister-in-law and it's been since November-ish since I sent it to her. So darling, don't hold your breath, she may not respond at all.I am so proud of you!daily -
silverwhisper said on Mar 01, 2007....
that woman is not your friend, HSG. i'm glad you told her to kiss off.
ed -
SillyMommy62902 said on Mar 01, 2007....
You did the right thing. Let us know how things turn out. And no matter what her response is, don't let yourself feel guilty over this. She can find someone else. So don't worry about it! -
HairSprayGirl said on Mar 01, 2007....
Good Morning! Daily... I woke up early to get up and check my email!! With a nervous feeling in my stomach! lol. How dumb. She probably won't reply and that would be cool with me.
Ed.. Once I realized that she wasn't a true friend it made it easier to be honest about my feelings. In the email I told her, "You will be furious,You'll probably talk a lot of shit,but I'd rather be honest than fake". :-)
SillyMommy.. I will let you know what happens,if anything. Thanks!
Comment on "How To Stand Up To A Spoiled Brat!!!?"
Related Posts:
CreativeWoman
posted 3 days ago
| views: 160
|
I knew it was coming. We thought we would lose him earlier this year to congestive heart failure. Somehow this wonderful soul hung on for a few more months and at 4:30 this morning he slipped away in his sleep. He was like a father to... read entire post
uniquely-ironic
posted 4 days ago
| views: 292
|
I'm sitting at my work desk on sunday night writing this.... read entire post
evil_twin
posted 5 days ago
| views: 155
|
We finally told our families! Much rejoicing....... read entire post
Me-Myself&I
posted 3 days ago
| views: 113
|
It's almost time for bed. It's been a strange and funny day.... read entire post