Sapphirra stood on the jagged outcropping listening to the rhythmic crash of the waves against the rocks below. Her body swayed in time to the heady tune of the crashing and lapping. The spray of the sea danced across her slender feet and further soaked the seaweed wending its way round and up the curves of her calves until it grasped at the trident branded into her thigh.
A ragged, diaphanous white gown hung limply against her waif-like frame; her blue-white skin barely distinguishable from the material. The wind picked up, and thick ropes of jet-black hair whipped across her face. She impatiently clawed them away, sending a few small sea creatures spinning through the air as they were stripped from their homes. Haunting aqua eyes, a river of fire storming behind them, stared out into the distance; they were the only life that pulsed in her.
A small starfish, loosed from her tangled hair, landed on her shoulder. She stole a quick glance at the tiny creature, and her full blue-black lips curled slowly into a cruel smile. She ran a finger over the ridges of its legs before peeling it from her shoulder and flinging it into the foam below. She did not need the distraction.
Steeling herself, she clasped her hands loosely, tilted her head, and listened with the whole of her being; she was listening for that subtle shift that would tell her they were approaching and that it was time. Her body stiffened as she picked up the first hint of them—the creak of a rope, the whip and snap of a sail carried across the waters to her.
"It is time. It is time. Arise my sisters. It is time for our song."
Sapphirra began with a soft hum, and the others, one by one, joined in. Their song began as a murmur, low and sensuous traveling along, teasing, caressing, leaving its listeners yearning for more. And then it rose, above the crash of the waves, it's sensuous beauty pulling, tugging at the hearts and souls of men.
"Soon, soon they will be mine; they will be mine and the sea's, their lost souls adding to its violent beauty" she thought, and her eyes burned brighter.
Zayda posted on Feb 18, 2007
| views: 329
Comments
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silverwhisper said on Feb 18, 2007....
lush descriptions, as always, super z. i see a few minor errors (typo: titled vs tilted; stylistic: last expository paragraph, repetition of the word "sensuous"), but otherwise, wonderful. you show the threat represented by her and her sisters quite well and i like where you deviated from the rec'd stereotypical images (blue-black lips).
it recalls to my mind the menace of the original forms of our popular fairy tales. nicely done!
ed -
Zayda said on Feb 18, 2007....
thanks for catching the typo. that i will fix. i'm thinking about the word sensuous a bit more. -
silverwhisper said on Feb 18, 2007....
btw, i like how the lives of sailors are an offering to the ocean. :>
ed -
Zayda said on Feb 18, 2007....
i'm not entirely satisfied with where this ended to be honest; i keep thinking I want to do more with the singing.
as i was writing this, i had a vision of her bending to pick up a piece of splintered wood before being engulfed by the fog and slipping away but i was stuck on the song and where to go with it.
and i think, one of those uses of sensuous will become "sultry" instead.
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Mr.Sunshine said on Feb 18, 2007....
i am not gonna analyze this - cause as far as i can see, U don't need to be perfect to be appreciated.
To me it is a awesome piece.
Mr. Sunshine -
Zayda said on Feb 18, 2007....
Ed--Thank you, as always. I think it's only appropriate that somehow the sailors are an offering to the sea. I'm not sure why I feel they needed to be though. :)
Mr. Sunshine, thank you.
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Kona said on Feb 18, 2007....
Are you sure that you are not a poet? I think you are. -
Zayda said on Feb 18, 2007....
No, Kona, I'm not a poet. I dabble at poetry occasionally, but my poems are very far and few between.
Thank you for your kind words. :)
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Lucytorial said on Feb 18, 2007....
Zayda as ED said - very rich.... I too love the idea of the sailors being an offering.... (am impressed) -
beyondtheveil said on Feb 18, 2007....
I loved it, zayda, every sentence. -
Zayda said on Feb 18, 2007....
Lucy--Thank you. :) I struggle with too much detail some days. It's something I know I need to work on--finding that balance between adding detail that will help the reader and then leaving room for the reader to work with his/her imagination.
Beyond--Thank you. :)
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Kona said on Feb 19, 2007....
I have the user name skald now and I will not write as Kona any more. Hope to see you again. -
Zayda said on Feb 19, 2007....
Thanks for letting me know. :)
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MissMimi said on Feb 19, 2007....
Z, I read this last night, and again just now. You have a great eye for detail. You use words that are rich and lush. I love the image I get when she flings the little starfish into the waves, and smiles about it.
Just very effective, Z. Excellent work. -
Zayda said on Feb 19, 2007....
Thank Mimi. The line about the starfish is actually one of the one's I like best about the piece, but I'm biased about it. I was hopping that I had the effect that I wanted in showing her coldness/cruelty. -
Lioness said on Feb 19, 2007....
Wow.. What a wonderful piece Zayda.. The way the weeds sway with the waves.. very nice.
I could imagine their song.. it was appropriately described. Simply admirable.
Now I know what you mean.. you have given me an idea.. Thanks..
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Zayda said on Feb 19, 2007....
Lioness--Thank you. I'm glad I helped, in some way. I think I'm still not 100% satisfied with where I ended this or my treatment of their song. I may work some more on this. And I've a bit of an idea to turn this into the beginning of a story.
We'll see if it goes anywhere beyond just what is now here. :)
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VICARIOUS said on Feb 20, 2007....
I looked over the other comments and didn't want to repeat anything, I think the piece is beyond normal writers. I love your imagination and the way you tease us by painting the picture of the demise, but not allowing us to see. It is perfectly executed.I think you are very talented and if I had to offer something I'd say try taking the sentences that are supposed to be dramtaic and shorten them considerably. It really evokes emotions. Lots of punch. Even one word can be used at times to really get you to feel the tension.I also like the fact that you don't start a lot of sentences with a pronoun as so many writers do.Very impressive. -
lilnempho said on Feb 20, 2007....
zayda, I felt like I was there. great storie. I wish I could do that. -
lilnempho said on Feb 20, 2007....
sorry, im new here, but I do love this piece. -
Zayda said on Feb 20, 2007....
Lil Nempho--Thank you. :) And thanks for stopping by my blog. I'm sure if you poke around a bit you'll find some of that erotica you were talking about liking to read as well. :)
Vicarious--Thank you.
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Frlncwrtr said on Feb 22, 2007....
Wow Zayda! Great writing. There is nothing that can be said that hasn't already. Well done!freelance -
Zayda said on Feb 22, 2007....
Thank you, Freelance. :)
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