Perhaps I am simply naïve, or for all my looks otherwise, old-fashioned, but I must say--it is not the sort of thing I expected to hear from the mouth of a ten-year-old girl. Especially in reference to one of her own peers.
"What gives you that impression?" I asked, Dark Eyes, wondering all the while if it were more proper for me to quell the conversation as opposed to encouraging the discussion.
"Well, she goes around asking to kiss other girls."
"Maybe she is simply curious," I responded. "I mean ten-years-old..." I trailed off, and the girl's large, liquid eyes caught my gaze in question. It was just too young. Wasn't it? Did one decide what one wanted even then?
Maybe it wasn't so much the recognition of sexual preference, as it was Dark Eyes' acknowledgement and frankness, concerning it. I don't know, really.
In retrospect, I don't know why I was so surprised. Starr, my best friend, and I once had a discussion of sexuality. She told me from the age of five she knew she preferred females to males. I don't believe my puzzlement originates from this, however.
Maybe it was Dark Eyes' use of the word 'lesbian'.
Even though this has happened some months since, I mentioned this to my husband in passing two nights ago. He laughed deeply, richly. "Are you kidding me?"
"What?" I couldn't control the smile curving my mouth, he seemed genuinely amused.
The crassness of his next words shocked the prude within me, but my mind could not deny the unfortunate ring of truth: "Even in my day, there were girls not much older who would suck dick. And if they were not having anal sex, they were thinking about it."
I nodded reluctantly, remembering eleven and twelve-year-old classmates speaking of sexual exploits. It was a time of lost innocence and longing. I can remember the popular question: "Are you a woman or a child?" If you didn't bleed, you couldn't compete.
Maybe what shocked me about Dark Eyes' declaration was not so much what she said--as to whom she said it.
I remember, beyond even sexual orientation, whispered confidences of wet, tongue kissing and furtitive gropings, charged discussions about tampons and the importance of bush trimming. What I don't remember was discussing them so openly with another adult. Certainly no one outside of my family circle.
Perhaps I should simply feel honored to be one of the girls. Being a late bloomer, I wasn't then. Could I be now?
It scares the hell out of me. Firstborn surprises me continually with the notions that float within his brain, that trip from his tongue. I wonder what will come from his mouth when he reaches ten.
Is it simply a sign of the times? Why are our children so very knowing? Where has gone their innocence?
