well im not sure where to begin...I recently found out that my husband has been well satisfying himself and keeping it a secret....i understand that all guys do it but he's been so distant with me and been watching porn and "taking care of himself". Which of course makes me feel as though im not good enough or as though he doesnt love me. My whole life i havent felt good enough and nothing has changed. I have battled with depression my whole life and guys have always made me feel "used or cheap". I really have had a bad history with guys....a quick review... i have been abused and beaten so therefore i have put up walls....and i always some how push people away, whether it be by me shutting people out or they dont what to attempt to get me to open up...actually come to think of it i have never been able to open up to anyone it has always been me alone in the world trying to deal with things....my husband gets so arrivated with me b/c i hold it in but i found out that hes been lying the whole time we have been together (4 years or more) and i feel as though i cant trust him, but what kind of a marriage works without trust??? none that i know of im so confused i told him that this is his last chance b/c i cant deal with the heartbreak any more...this may sound greedy but i feel as though i deserve a better life one where my husband wants to make love to me and doesnt push me away and that i cant trust him and i can open up to also.....but will i ever find anyone that i can open up to??? i truely feel as though im all alone in this world with only my 1 year old son and i will always be alone b/c im damaged and broken and cant trust anyone.....thanks for listening or reading .......
Comments
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wombat said on Feb 15, 2007....
Oh my, HiddenDarkness. Hello, but sorry to read your story. There are so many of us here with pasts that seem to slap us in the face day to day. Wish we could all get together in one room for weekly sessions. The best we can do is hang here and offer support and understanding. Hope you find many friends here to pave the way to a better life.{{{hugs}}} -
HiddenDarkness said on Feb 16, 2007....
thank you wombat ....i just dont have a clue what im doing it seems as though everything is out of control... I dont want people to think that this is his last chance b/c of the porn or the lies, they were just "the straw that broke the camels back" i dont know. i want it to work out but at the same time i cant trust that it will...im confused -
VICARIOUS said on Feb 16, 2007....
Hello. Welcome to SC. As for your post:Guys are ashamed of jerking off, and will not discuss it. We were teased relentlessy as boys and as men we carry a lot of guilt for wanting to watch porn rather than have normal sex. It is complicated. We love the idea of really trashy women, but most of us don't want one for a wife. It is hard for ladies to understand.Trust me, I know how you feel, it is epidemic. My years of service in phone sex gave those women an outlet.If you want to beat him: join him. Tell him you think it is hot and want to watch. He may let you. And trust me you will enjoy seeing him get hotter than you've seen him in a long time. If you can't do that and your feelings are destroyed; call me. -
HiddenDarkness said on Feb 18, 2007....
Thanks .....(i think) ...lol I dont know i think I'm at a difficult place b/c I feel like we are turning away from each other rather to each other in own difficult time...thanks for responding....its nice to feel welcomed :) -
SAWblogger said on Apr 21, 2007....
Hi. I am a married man and porn addict, from early childhood, age of 7. Now I am 40. This is not related to my wife, how she is good looking or not. This is addiction to the to endorphins, chemicals produced by brain for itself, during any pleasurable activity. For example, during long hours of looking at porn. It is hard to break addiction, like any other chemical addiction, like alcohol or drugs. You have to help him, at least to try. He is in real trouble. There are ways to get out of it. I now treat myself by “the Sex Addiction Workbook”, and I write a blog about this. http://sawlog.blogspot.com/ SAW blogger
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