• Dicconzane said on Feb 14, 2007....

  Bit cliched but I enjoyed the writing.

• polarheart said on Feb 14, 2007....

  Diccon, I'm no expert, but I esp liked "he reaches out with his aura to sooth. . ."
   
  You have a knack with using words beyond their obvious meanings.

• husbandhater said on Feb 14, 2007....

  OHHHH! DIC nice job. I want more

• mom said on Feb 14, 2007....

  very nice,  enjoyed it very much

• Lioness said on Feb 14, 2007....

  {{{{shivering}}} nice description dicco, very vivid, especially the body reflexes.
  
  "YOU NEED NOT FEAR ME FOR I WILL CAUSE NO HARM TO YOU."
  
  With due respect, I suggest that it be reworded to: "You need not fear me for I will bring you no harm"  to match the other strong words.
  
  

• tbs230 said on Feb 15, 2007....

  Ohh, this was good. I particularly liked the part where you say, "...as he moves, unhurriedly, towards that which awoke him". I think that shows more than just a physical characteristic. It emphasizes his state of dormancy as well as shows that he is not an impatient sort. But clear and rational, which is proven with his thought-speech to the boy.
  
  One thing, the light revealing a "frozen form" made me think he was unable to move, but you mention before this that "he uncoils his lithe, powerful body". So that was a bit inconsistent for me.
  

• Dicconzane said on Feb 15, 2007....

  Polar, HH and mom: Thank you very much.
   
  Lioness: I actually re wrote that whole speech several times but had to leave it as I wasa under time constraints. Didn't work with what followed about being fate chosen as a curse as well as a blessing. So indirectly will cause harm. So perhaps just  YOU NEED NOT FEAR ME, I WILL NOT HARM YOU. would work better.
   
  tbs: reading back it's not properly clear, but the frozen form is actually the boy. As I said I only had time for limited editing. would work better if it were "reveals a frozen form amongst the rubble and two wide, terrified eyes staring back at him." possibly.
   
  Thank you all for your comments.

• tbs230 said on Feb 15, 2007....

  oh, my bad...but that edit really works. Cool read. I love stories about dragons...it is a dragon right?

• silverwhisper said on Feb 15, 2007....

  dicconzane, i'm a reader of fantasy, too, so i knew immediately what you were talking about. i have a fondness for dragons, myself. :>
  
  you have powerful descriptions and good wordplay--they're very skillfully done. i do have trouble reconciling your early description of his form as lithe along with it being massive--to me, those things don't go together, but perhaps i'm envisioning this differently than you are? my only other criticism is when you describe the dragon's "frozen form"--since fire-breathing is a trait often found in dragons, that didn't quite work for me, although "frozen form" is certainly a fine turn of phrase otherwise--i'm fond of consonance when it can be employed.
  
  ed

• Dicconzane said on Feb 15, 2007....

  ed: you weren't the first to point out the clarity issue on the frozen form. replied to tbs's comment on the same with an edit to clarrify above.
   
  But I would maintain you can be big without having to be bulky. A four hundred foot panther could still move lithely whilst definitely being massive. But maybe that's just me.
   
  Thank you for the comments though it's all very much appreciated. And yes I love alliteration too, fun to play with.

• Zayda said on Feb 18, 2007....

  Diccon--This reminds me of the dragon in the book Dragon Rider, especially how the dragon links to the mind of the manchild who has encountered it.
  
  I especially like the second paragraph--the description of the dragon rising and stretching.
  

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