I guess you can call this part 2 of my anti-Valentine's Day tirade. But with the day rapidly approaching, I'm sure there are many stories that are told on and about this day. There are a lot of "how I met my lover" and "so-and-so did this for me and OMG it was soooo cute" stories. That's nice, dear.

But for every endearing, heart-warming tale comes at least three "holy shit did (s)he really do that!!" story. And boy, am I loaded with those. This isn't the blog in which I put a lot of personal tales and experiences, but since it's almost Valentine's Day, they tie in well with my well-expressed feelings about the day.

You guys haven't heard the stories I've told to people IRL. People who know me will tell you about the... er, "adventures" I've had with women.

Many of my most infamous bad girlfriend stories come from a girl I met on Bolt, an old social networking site with crazier people on it than Myspace. I met her around the same time I graduated high school, and I was bragging about how I met this girl and we're officially a couple and blah blah blah. She's also the sole inspiration for my bad girlfriends post, one of the first things I put up on SoulCast. And the following are awkward girlfriend moments from the same girl. Faux pas after faux pas, painful moment after painful moment. I winced and cringed at these moments, but worst of all I experienced them.

-Have you ever played footsies with someone? Well, she and I went out to lunch and she started a footsies game with me. Unfortunately, she doesn't know her own strength and gave me a really sharp kick to the shins. Ouch.

-Later that day, we had the house to ourselves and we were fooling around. Sparing everyone the other gruesome details, let's just say that oral sex should never involve your incisors. Double ouch.

-She farted while making out. Twice. In the same make-out session. I wouldn't have minded if she didn't make such a bg deal out of it. She just wouldn't stop laughing. I'd say the mood was ruined, but that's just redundant.

-She got offended at absolutely everything. Our major mode of communication was through AIM, and... I kid you not, folks... if I didn't respond to her within eight seconds (and yes, I've counted) she would get all worked up about how I was ignoring her.

-She lived in northern New Jersey, close to the Meadowlands. I'm down in Philly. And since I have no car, it goes without saying that going up to see her was a huge chore. I went to see her, to go to her graduation party. I waited two and a half hours at the train station. I had to inconvenience a guy by calling her on this guy's cell phone, and because of that he almost missed his train. I waited and waited until her dad finally picked her up. But that's not what offended me the most. She was mad that I only danced with her once at her party.

-The biggest no-no in the world for me is body glitter. She had at least a gallon of the shit on her.

-Her poetry really, really, really, really sucks.

-Then came the breakup. She was obsessive about me until she got greedy and found another guy to cling to. The breakup and the days that followed were the worst. To this day she's been trying to rope me back in, with little luck. She started talking to me again, and I agreed to opening up dialogue on the sole condition that she would not try to pursue me. The most recent of these incidents came when she heard whispers of me being engaged. She made my girlfriend storm off in a jealous rage with her continued attempts to get me back.

So, those are my horror stories about what people hasten to label "true love." I'm sure all of us have experienced those horrible, awkward relationship moments. You oughtta share 'em, we can cringe and wince together.