• Lucytorial said on Feb 13, 2007....

  Hi there allround,  I tried to have one of these relationships with another person before I met my husband and it just didn't work.

  A relationship for me is just that, monogamy is important, I married my husband because I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him, it may not be perfect but it's still owrthwhile, its invaluable actually.

  Is it possible your friends husband is wanting perfection without the reality of what life truly is??

  Life isn't meant to be perfect if it was it would be completely borring and uninteresting.  Sex is important in a relationship but I think maybe some people get get caught up in what I call the

  begining feeling - gushy excited newness of a relationship.  once they get caught up in this they try to constantly emulate it by creating new relationships.  They don't seem to have the ability to learn about true aspects of relationships which really are 80% hard work, 20% of its naturally easy.

   

  I got hurt and so did my partner at the time and it ended up tearing us apart because at the end of the day if he wanted to spend intimate time with another women then he should just go and be with her, not have me sit and wait until he felt like he wanted to be with me because she was getting real.  Its raw and to be honest extremely selfish thing to do to someone.

  I could continue but will let our wiser and older friends have a go at this one.

• silverwhisper said on Feb 13, 2007....

  i think that she's right: as a rule, they don't often work as one might imagine. it's a subject on which i've blogged in the past.
  
  in short: i think it's a function of being able to separate love from sex to a greater degree than most. this isn't to suggest that such a separation is necessarily a good thing, IMHO.
  
  ed

• SaltwaterPearl said on Feb 13, 2007....

  I can't see a scenario where jealousy wouldn't play apart, if not immeadietly certainly eventually. If your friend is shocked it doesn't sound as if it would work for them. And if that's what they wanted why get married and take a vow to forsake all others. 

• silverwhisper said on Feb 13, 2007....

  pearl: "forsaking all others" could mean hearts, not genitalia.
  
  ed

• SaltwaterPearl said on Feb 13, 2007....

  Isn't that rather splitting hairs ed? I suppose it's a matter of personal interpretation but I would say it would mean staying faithful to your spouse  physicaly aswell as emotionally. Maybe we need to make the vows more specific? :D

• silverwhisper said on Feb 13, 2007....

  my point is that up until a few months ago, i had an open relationship w/ my wife. she was allowed to find same-sex partners if she wanted w/ my knowledge and blessing. sex and love are different things. so if you're telling my marriage is somehow lesser for that, well then, we have a bit of a disagreement.
  
  ed

• SaltwaterPearl said on Feb 13, 2007....

  I didn't mean to say your marriage was lesser in any way ed, I hope I haven't offended you. I suppose I'm looking from the point of view that if I wouldn't have sex with someone unless I loved them, so to me it makes very little sense. I will read your blog entry on it though as I'm interested in how you made it work.
  

• silverwhisper said on Feb 13, 2007....

  pearl: i didn't think you meant that, but sometimes it's hard to tell. it didn't seem consistent w/ the way you comment and i should have known better than even to think it. i apologize, i'm in a peculiar mood today.
  
  ed

• SaltwaterPearl said on Feb 13, 2007....

  No need to apologize ed, I'm just sorry it sounded that way. I admire your marriage. I love Hubby deeply but I couldn't live with the idea of him with other people, whether emotions are involved or not.  I have a feeling you are a fairly unusual couple in this aspect, others, such as myself, couldn't make it work. 

• husbandhater said on Feb 13, 2007....

  Oh he wants his cake and eat it too! Coochie on the side and coochie at home in bed. This is called Greed! And the confusion is with himself. I'd ask him how about a seperation then you are free to see and fuck anybody you want and I can live my own life too. Then we can come back in 1year and divorce:>)

• husbandhater said on Feb 13, 2007....

  Relationships like this never last b/c some one always goes beyond their boundaries emotionally. He needs to get over his freaky ways.

• silverwhisper said on Feb 14, 2007....

  HH: i assure you that isn't always the case.
  
  ed

• anonymous said on Mar 17, 2007....

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• anonymous said on Apr 03, 2007....

  I am currently in an open marriage, and though I can see where it wouldn't work for many, it does work very well for me and my husband. As a matter of fact, that's what convinced me to marry him. We are very liberal, and have guidelines for exactly what is considered "cheating." Our main rule is open honesty and respect. We have the understanding that we are the priority, and we come first. I had a tough time with the concept at first - I couldn't wrap my mind around it - but the more I thought about it, the more I realized it really suited me. Otherwise, I am not cut out for conventional marriage. We are very happy with this arrangement.

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