• MissMimi said on Feb 11, 2007....

  Being excluded. If I think something is happening, and nobody's thought to include me, I get very hurt. When that happens, I become a little girl again who felt the same way. The weird thing is, I've often caught myself excluding myself before anybody else does. Then I end up looking like a snob.

• mobil said on Feb 11, 2007....

  Thoughtlessness, I try to be thoughtful to all those I love and to others I don't

  know. When I hold a door and someone passes through without saying

  thank you.

   

  When I take the time to smile and it's not returned. Helping a family member

  and not being thanked.

   

  There are probably other things that hurt my feelings more, but these are

  everyday things that grind my ass...haha.........thanks beyond

• Alyss said on Feb 11, 2007....

  Being excluded was bad, being told I ugly and unlovable was terrible but the most hurtful thing as a child was being told that my Dad didn't love me enough to want to change his ways.
  
  As an adult deceit hurts worse than anything.
  

• husbandhater said on Feb 11, 2007....

  I don't like being left out either that hurt alot. Now would be my current situation

• wombat said on Feb 11, 2007....

  Probably too many to mention without a long story with it, so I'll just pick one.  An ex bf who broke it off with me to marry someone else--He told me, and I qoute--"I even almost love you."  Like, that would make him a freak if he really did.  Great for my ego, that was.

• Jenna said on Feb 11, 2007....

  I think I am with Alyss...deceit hurts a lot....as does betrayal....I guess in a way they are the same. 

• momsrock said on Feb 11, 2007....

  I would have to say that being seen as something I'm not has hurt me the most as an adult...it's the most frustrating too! :)

• MissMimi said on Feb 11, 2007....

  wombat: "I even almost love you"? That's a horrible thing to say to somebody. You're well-rid of him, IMO.

• MissMimi said on Feb 11, 2007....

  wombat: "I even almost love you"? That's a horrible thing to say to somebody. You're well-rid of him, IMO.

• secretlife said on Feb 11, 2007....

  being ignored for me....or made to feel like i don't exist

• tbs230 said on Feb 11, 2007....

  I have to agree with SL...being ignored, whether intentionally or not...if it is intentional, than that person is intentionally excluding me, if not, then it means that I mean so little that I not worth remembering...
  
  Whether their fault or my own...being left out of the loop is a big issue for me.
  

• mom said on Feb 11, 2007....

  as a child it was not being accepted and my mom thinking I was the spawn of satan.
  Now, I don't know, if someone looks they might hurt me, I usually just break their kneecaps.

• passingmusician said on Feb 11, 2007....

  i'm a teen.  things that hurt me the most are not caring.  not being decisive about punishments.  lay down rules and expectations to start with and actually live up to them. teens may not like them, but to tell the truth, we like having them. 

  i hate it when my mom mocks me, that is my hugest pep peev that makes me want to run away, so just a hint don't do that

• anonymous said on Feb 11, 2007....

  I've been with this guy for 3 years, he always has other girls hanging around him but he always says he loves me. I have had so many people tell me bad things about him and that they have seen him out and the other girls tell my friends he flirts with them and also tells them we are not dating I am so confused I really care about him but I think he is just using me huh

• tracie said on Feb 11, 2007....

  Being  made  fun  of  because  I  was   too  tall, ulgy and   I  walk  too  fast.  So  I  stayed away   from   people  and  let   them  say  and  do   what  ever  they  wanted.  one  day  my   brother  friend  told  me  they   make  fun of   you   because  they   were  jealous.

• mom said on Feb 11, 2007....

  Aww passing I know what you mean about mocking someone.  I hate that and don't do it to my kids unless we are playing around.  I think it is mean to do that.
  Wow you and i have something  in common. I was a teen also. *sigh*  a long time ago though. *hugs* hon

• Lioness said on Feb 11, 2007....

  Prejudice. I think it is unfair and hurtful to be thought  or accused to be someone or somebody even when they don't know who you really are. 

• gingersoul said on Feb 11, 2007....

  When i was a teen it hurt being judged only by my look and having the sensation that there was always something missing to be perfect as i wanted to be.

  When i grew up and now the thing the hurt the most is being betrayed and being  denied in my request of knowing the truth.

• beyondtheveil said on Feb 11, 2007....

  missmimi- I can sure relate to you. That was my big one in childhood. And you're right, it can still hurt.
   
  mobil- I'm lucky to live in an area where I consider the public to be very polite. There is such a thing as running into thoughtlessness here, but it is somewhat rare. But it's bad when it happens.
   
  alyss- Ouch! That hurts. You were told you were ugly and unlovable? Where did that come from, alyss? Hopefully not family like the problem from your dad.
   
  husbandhater- Being left out seems to be something that has caught a lot of attention. Sorry you have that now, and I hope you can get that taken care of.
   
  wombat- There are too many to cover with everyone I would think. You are better off without that boyfriend, right?
   
  jenna- You hit a chord there, jenna. To me betrayal is the worst word in the language.
   
  momsrock- Your choice is one of mine as an adult. It really bothers me, and not easy to correct the view of the accuser.
   
  secret- You hit on my wife's number one. When it happens at home, she sits me down and tells me all about it. I'm thankful she does that, It keeps me in line and in touch with her feelings.
   
  tbs230- I hope you read my comment to SL. I know all about that one.
   
  mom- It really bothers me to hear things like that coming from parents. It has to linger heavily on a child. By the way, remind me to never hurt your feelings as I've grown accustomed to my knee caps.
   
  passingmusician- I hope you're right about wanting the rules. It shows understanding. And keep telling your mom about what bothers you. That's a good exchange.
   
  anonymous- It's possible you are right. I'd say find out what you can and then use your better judgement. Some guys just aren't worth your time.
   
  tracie- Yours is a common hurt with a lot of people. I hope you can put this aside. People who ridicule are covering a problem of their own, as your brother's friend pointed out.
   
  lioness- Prejudice is one of the things that falls into the category of what has bothered me as an adult. One can be accused of prejudice for simply possessing a skin color- any color.

• shortone said on Feb 11, 2007....

  When I was young there were 3 things I will never forget that hurt me the most- 1. A guy calling me thunder thighs when I was in my cheerleading outfit and so proud of myself until that moment. 2.  A teacher I looked up to called me a "prima donna" because I asked a question he thought was not appropriate and 3.  My stepdad calling me a whore, slut, etc almost every day of my teenage years.  I was a student council, honor roll, band person who had never had sex until I was a senior in high school.  I hated a lot of my growing up years.
   
  As an adult what hurts me the most is people judging others before even knowing them.  I live in a suburban middle class town where most Moms stay home(I dont).  My kids have disabilities (not ones that are physically visible).  I am judged as a bad parent every day by other parents for my children's behaviors when they have no idea what I endure each day.  People who have no tolerance for differences in others hurt me the most. 
   
  Alyss----you are beautiful no matter what anyone tells you.  That hurts me to hear others say such callous things to others.
   
   

• mom said on Feb 11, 2007....

  lol beyond- I think you are safe, I can't run very fast.

• Lucytorial said on Feb 11, 2007....

  Hi beyond, whenever my sister and I are together its fun but not when this happens:
  She visits for a holiday and people say "wow so she's the pretty one" I think well fuck you!, we're different what did you expect? oh and how nice of you to judge beauty by hair colour, and a chance meeting of only 5 minutes?? She could be the ugliest person in the world but you're too busy judging by face, body shape, yad yada.
  It amazes me how very nasty people can be... not that my sis isn't beautiful and not that I am not either but this kind of mindless comment gets to me every now and then.

• sheissilent said on Feb 12, 2007....

  When I was 10 years old, and at a big family dinner. My 8 year old sister and I were sitting together, and my Grandma introduces us to some distant relative I didn't know and says  (pointing at my sis) "This is the pretty one and" (pointing at me) "that's the smart one".
   
  From that day on, I have felt insecure about my looks. Why did she have to say that? My sister doesn't even remember it, and it was a huge thing for me.
   
  The good thing about it is that I make sure to tell my girls how absolutely beautiful they are. I don't ever want them to feel like I did/do.

• sheissilent said on Feb 12, 2007....

  Lucytorial, you must have posted while I was writing mine. Funny we both have "beautiful" sisters huh?

• Lucytorial said on Feb 12, 2007....

  Exactly! yet I was the one who did modeling so not sure about what people think they judge it on??? I don't really care anymore but isn't it funny that people will label us and not think of the cost at any stage in our lives....

• gingersoul said on Feb 12, 2007....

  She and Lucy-Tobi...i know how devastating can be for one sister been told she is NOT the pretty one.

  My sister has been scarred during her childhood by this label.... and not only i was the prettiest one i was even considered the smartest too....she was less than less...she grew up with the convinction ogf having been adopted...

  I know i contributed to that cruelty..... My only defense is that i was so young ..i didn't have any idea of the damage i was inflicting to her but i witnessed growing up her long life coping mechanism of reaction to that stupid remarks....i regret any jokes i told her......and i dont remember any grown up slapping me on the mouth..

  i am still feeling guilty for every bad remarks i made to her.

  So i know how you might have felt now....and i am sorry for what you have felt .....{{hugs}}

• polarheart said on Feb 12, 2007....

  Just before my husband - call him A - and I were to get married he received a letter from a friend who said that he didn't believe A was doing the right thing in marrying me.  He said he felt as if A had lost his joy and that I was the reason for that.  This really hurt me at the time as the guy didn't know me at all and was single himself.  In any event he turned down our wedding invitation.
   
  A few months later this guy phoned A to ask if he could come and see us, I said it was fine.  He arrived with a wife in tow!  He had come to apologise for being so wrong, and that he met and married this lady really quickly after we got married and realised what a blessing marriage is.  It really made me feel much better.  I respect him for making right.  We are now 14 years down the line and still very happy together.
   

• cow_gurl_sexy said on Feb 12, 2007....

  well i have been in the past with a guy for 4 years i had cheated on him and it has been 3 years now and we are back together

• moonriver said on Feb 12, 2007....

  when i was in high school, being excluded for being such a strange and thin gangling boy. that really hurt, but i ultimately coped. as an adult? have experienced all kinds of emotional hurts, can't really be sure which ones hurt most. uh, let's see...hmmm...  come to think of it, i don't really know. maybe i've become so philosophical about hurts? lol
  
  

• silverwhisper said on Feb 12, 2007....

  honestly, i don't mind being excluded that much. other people's judgments about me do not concern me that much, if i feel they're formed in ignorance. no, what i find most hurtful is betrayal.
  
  ed

• Dicconzane said on Feb 12, 2007....

  A lot is water off a duck to me. Happy in my own company so never been fussed about being left out, but I learned at a very young age that people liked me more the more I was just myself, which meant I became friends with the people who like me for me and so I didn't get left out of a lot by the people I cared about. My first ever girlfriend slept with three people while we were going out, none of which were me. But that doesn't hurt. Speaks more of her than me. Besides, without blowing my own trumpet too much, her loss as it turns out.
   
  It hurt when an ex tried to set me up. She sent me an email as someone else trying to trick me into cheating. I knew it was her because I had nothing to hide (she tried to say we'd met in a chat room a few weeks before, which would have been hard since I hadnt been in one for a lot longer). What hurt at the time was her low opinion of me. But I know that was her insecrity not me again so doesn't hurt looking back.
   
  The only things that still hurt and get me riled really are when I think about how a couple of people I'm close to talk about their past. They have had to live with horrific things and have come out as truly wonderful people. What hurts is the impotence to change their pasts.

• mommyof2 said on Feb 12, 2007....

  Same as you beyond as achild, now it's when my youngest gets mad she'll say i hate you mommy or i never loved you mommy or i want to runaway and find a new mommy....I give her everything...

• kruuyai said on Feb 12, 2007....

  MissMimi: Wow.. you could have written my answer for me!  That is exactly my situation.  I didn't realize until someone pointed it out to me.  I was complaining about being left out, and she said, "But Kruuyai, you don't look like you want to be included."  I'd gotten so used to being left out that my defense mechanisms made it look like I didn't care to be let in... but it hurts just as much, or sometimes even more so, than when I was a child.

• here_in_my_head said on Feb 12, 2007....

  Lies hurt me the most. When you catch someone in a lie, and wonder why they couldn't just tell you the truth instead of making some round about story. A friend of mine lied to me this weekend about coming for a visit. Her lie was extensive, well doctored, she even called 4 times saying she'd just be another hour or so. I waited up for her until 11:30 p.m. then decided I'd just go to bed. The funny thing is, she didn't call and cancel or call me the next day to apologize.
   
  Liars suck! 

• beyondtheveil said on Feb 12, 2007....

  shortone- It bothers me most when parents are involved in things like this. And the judging of others is one of my big complaints now.
   
  mom'- I wouldn't ever say anything bad about you anyway.
   
  lucytorial- This is a big problem lucy, doesn't it enter these people's minds they are hurting someone else?
   
  sheissilent- I think you're right, you and lucy must have been posting at the same time.
   
  ginger- How good of you to have told this story. We all know you have the biggest heart in Italy or Texas. Must be something in the water of the Mediterranean.
   
  polar- I'd say quite unusual from a guy to realize, admit, and apologize, wouldn't you? Bet he's still a friend.
   
  cowgurlsexy- Got a forgiving guy, huh? All of us should probably be a bit more forgiving.
   
  moonriver- That was my big thing in childhood, too. Do you mean by philosophical that you've become more accepting and understanding? If so, that's what I think has happened to me.
   
  Ed- For some people being excluded may not be a big thing, but from reading the comments here, you're unusual. Good for you. I mentioned earlier about betrayal being the worst word in the language. I understand perfectly about what you are saying.
   
  dicconzane- So many times people who hurt are hurting themselves most, in many ways. I'm lucky to have not had a horrific past as your friends.
   
  mommyof2- How many times I've heard parents say "great, now they hate me". I think it comes mostly from laying down rules and sticking to them like passingmusician said, don't you?
   
  kruu- You could have been writing about me also. I turned to making it look like it didn't matter. It later made people think I was stronger than I really was.
   
  hereinmyhead- The truth would almost always work better. They are probably are thinking lies would hurt less, when getting caught always makes it worse.
   
   

• moonriver said on Feb 13, 2007....

  beyond -- the teenage hurts first led me to become a committed loner, somewhat similar to kruu, then to social activism. i read your blog again. come to think of it, in my adult life, the hurts that i found hardest to cope with are somewhat like yours -- being blamed for seriously bad things that i didn't do. the worst hurts are when it's close friends and loved ones that blame you.
  
  

• Alyss said on Feb 13, 2007....

  beyond, I had a rough time with bullying when I was at school right up until I left for uni. All of those comments were said by the bullies over the years in one form or another but the one about by Dad was particularly hurtful as it came from someone I thought understood the nature of his addiction.
  

• WoodBurning said on Feb 13, 2007....

  When I was a kid, it was being teased about the scabs on my body from psoriasis. As an adult it's being turned away from when they see scabs or the looks of disgust when they see my psoriasis for the first time.

• silverwhisper said on Feb 13, 2007....

  beyond: i'm accustomed to being atypical in some respects. :>
  
  ed

• beyondtheveil said on Feb 13, 2007....

  moonriver- I believe this was mentioned in one of my comments, but don't you think being blamed wrongly is one of the most difficult to make right? An apology doesn't fit, an explanation inadequate.

  alyss- The bullies seem to be around by the bucketload, don't they? And hurts from parents, there isn't anything much worse than that.

  woodburning- I had a very good friend, a girl, with psoriasis. I've since lost track of her, but remember well what she went through and how she suffered.

• mom said on Feb 13, 2007....

  Beyond- you are so sweet :)

• gingersoul said on Feb 13, 2007....

  Beyond.....more i read you and more i discover so many qualities in you....now i know you are a sensitive, caring and deep man....you must have suffer many battles to have such a compassionate heart....

  thanks for your words {{{hugs}}}

• Lioness said on Feb 14, 2007....

  beyond, I hope you won't mind me commenting again. Just recently, a friend, P told me something about our common friend, C. They are not in good terms now. They were both my college classmates and friends. C and I took our postgrad course together. P was busy working, did her best to avoid us,even if C reached out for her. One day, P sent me a message. We met and reminisced our college days. Then she told me what C's impression of me was back then. I was really shocked. It was the opposite of how she treats me when we are together. I know she can do it, that's the reason why P avoided her. She backbites. I felt betrayed. I trusted her, treated her like a sister, and this. I know I am not perfect, but hey, she had all the time to tell me about it, and I could at least air my side. How discouraging.

• beyondtheveil said on Feb 16, 2007....

  lioness- Are you sure P is truthful and on target about C? If she is and C is a backbiter, she probably is to many, not just you.

  But you are right, it is discouraging.

• Lioness said on Feb 19, 2007....

  I can't be 100% sure beyond, I guess time will tell. Yeah, probably to most of her friends.
  
  It is difficult to differentiate the grain from the chaff, but true colors eventually show.
  

• MyLoveDDW said on Oct 16, 2007....

  Being lied to. Because it makes me feel that you don't even respect me enough to be honest.
   
  Oh and not being listened to. I feel like if I let you talk and I listen. please give me th same respect.

• beyondtheveil said on Oct 16, 2007....

  mylove- I hate being lied to. It makes you lose trust with that person.
  
  I think I'm a good listener, at least I've been told.
  

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