Yesterday, I posted about my experience with an intruder in my motel room during my move to Mexico. At the end of the story, I told how I remained somewhat traumatized for a while after that happened, and because of my fear, I let my new boyfriend move in with me, because I felt safer with him in the house. That got me to thinking about other times in my life when I've relied on a man's company to protect me or give me a sense of security in the face of danger (real, perceived or potential) from another man or men.
For example, I wanted very much to go to Morocco the first time that I traveled to Europe, but I'd heard that it was very unsafe for women traveling alone, as I was, so I didn't go. Years later, I finally got to go with an old boyfriend, and we had a great time. But I think I would have had to deal with a lot of harassment, or worse, if I didn't have him with me.
I'm probably not the best person to be writing about this, because I don't often turn to men for protection. But my point is that many women do. We live in a world that is much more dangerous than most men can even imagine. Sure, men get mugged, and murdered, etc., too, but women are much easier prey when you consider the relative sizes and strength of the average male and the average female, so we get attacked much more often, whether on the streets by a stranger, or in our homes by a "loved one." And when a man is attacked by another man, his strength is usually more evenly matched with his assailant's and so, he's at least got a fighting chance, unless there's a weapon involved. When a woman is attacked, it's usually by a man, and any woman who's taken a decent self defense class can tell you that even the smallest of men is harder to fight off than the largest woman.
So, what do we do with this fear that we live with, on some level or another of our consciousness, on a daily basis? A lot of times, we turn to men for protection. Like me having my boyfriend move in with me, or finding a male travel partner. And when I lost my virginity in a date rape, who did I turn to for comfort and consolation? .... the guy who had just raped me. I'm sure the rest of you can think of plenty of other examples from your own lives.
Why am I writing about this? Because it makes me so angry! When you think about it, here we (women) are living in a world made dangerous for us, largely by men. And who do we turn to for protection? Men. In other words, our oppressors are also our protectors? How sick is that? Did you ever think that the world is set up in this way just for that very purpose... that men create this dangerous world for us to live in, specifically so that we will turn to them for protection... so that we will need them?
Yes, yes, I know that there are no board rooms full of men, sitting around deciding these things. But that's not how social institutions are created over the long run anyway. Do you think that there is something deep in the male psyche that tells them to create a world in which they might be considered indispensible to the female of the species? (and this was the only idea they could come up with?) Could it be a survival mechanism, because science will soon make them obsolete (for reproductive purposes), and, somehow, that knowledge was programmed into primitive man? Okay, that was a little tongue in cheek, but seriously,
If you are a woman, do you rely on men for protection from other men, and if so, does it make you angry?
If you are a man, what thoughts do you have on this. Can you see how our world is different from yours because of our (typically) physical disadvantages? How would you deal with it if the shoe were on the other foot?
