• gingersoul said on Jan 25, 2007....

  Ms....my mother reacted exactly like that lady when my sister died last October.

  When somebody approached her to hug her and showing her love and support i could feel my mom cringing....she was in an uncomfortable place having to hug back all those people...and they were her friends! But she has always been a no-touch- me person all her life. Even with us.I don't remember one single hug from her when i was a kid. Not a single one.

  She started hugging me when i moved here in Usa. Anytime i would be back for visiting and before leaving she woud finally hold me tight and even cry... unreal but true..

  Me? I guess my mother's way influenced me even if i didn't want to .....i am a very spontaneous person yet i am not a hug-you person... i am not always hugging or kissing my friends. 

  Very odd, i am more at ease in touching with my male friends.....I poke them, i stroke their hair, i touch their hands...but with my girlfriends i am more reserved... .....and even odder ..my American girlfriends are a lot more touchy than my Italian ones...., You would think the opposite maybe...since we Italian are always described as extremely over you people......well, not this girl...lol.... 

• anonymous said on Jan 25, 2007....

   I can relate to this woman refusing a hug.  
  A little over eleven years ago my daughter, who was 24, was
  diagnosed with terminal cancer.  Responsibilities and 1000
  miles prevented me from being with her daily.  I made the 1000
  mile trek monthly, spending two weeks with her then going home
  and taking care of responsibilities.  Each parting broke me a little
  more.  I would arrive home filled with worry and guilt at leaving her.
  Those last couple months, minute by minute I was barely
  hanging on with my jagged fingernails.
  One day on of my co-workers said "why I think you
  need a hug".  Eyes brimming with tears I whispered thanks
  but no thanks.  She refused and insisted even when I tried to fend
  her off.  The hug sent me over the edge and stripped me of my
  fragile armor.  It took me almost three days to get my armor back
  in place.
  It is not that I was unappreciative of the care and concern, it was
  my coping mechanism.
   
   
   

• dailyachesandpains said on Jan 25, 2007....

  Hi Ms,

  In real life, I can't stand to be touched.  My Cousin's funeral and wake was so hard for me because of everyone 'touching' me!  I hugged my Aunt, Uncle and their son and his wife.  I washed up after.  It's so hard, I feel 'contaminated' and sometimes I know I have to touch, but it eats me alive. 

  Ginger, I'm still so sorry about your sister. 

  Anon, I'm so sorry for what you went through. 

  Virtual hugs are just fine with me ;-)

  {{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

  Daily

• Shirl said on Jan 25, 2007....

  thank you..... burying a child is the absolute worse thing in the
  whole world....

• husbandhater said on Jan 25, 2007....

  That is just so wrong not to respect someones wishes. If the bookkeeper had of said no hugs at my sons school I would have most definately not touched her. You have to understand that there are personal boundaries with eveyone and they have to be respected.

   You are right anon it is your coping mechenism but yours alone to deal with. Had you taken it another way and in confusion& anger punched the co-worker they would have been insulted,upset but you would have violated their personal space. The hug is sort of like the same thing in this case.( I'm not trying to cause trouble but everyone grieves in their own ways and grief can make people do the strangest of things including what I just described.I've seen it.)

   I'm so very sorry for everyone that went through some sort of tragedy and someone didn't respect their NO! Me I'm the touchy feely type especially with family( Due to 9/11. I was down there and saw the last building go down.)

• secretlife said on Jan 25, 2007....

  I'm pretty touchy feely.

  I understand people who don't like it.  I'm pretty mild mannered if i don't know the person well.....but i will often reach out and touch an arm or hand during a converstation.

  the only time i really didn't like to be touched was when i was pregnant and people would walk up and rub my belly.....i thought that was a huge infringement of my space-

   

• mobil said on Jan 25, 2007....

  Big hugs here, pick you off the ground hugs. Sometimes I hug strangers

  in the store, mostly buxom women. Get my face slapped sometimes !

• dailyachesandpains said on Jan 25, 2007....

  Mobil, don't touch me! LMAO!

• Lucytorial said on Jan 25, 2007....

  Oh I always adapt to the person I am with, they may be having a bad day, but I really love a good hug, I am touchy feely even with my female friends. I kiss on the lips my friends, aquaintances I kiss cheeks until I know them even at work if it's been a tiresome day who couldn't resist a huge hug and thank god the days done.
  There isn't anything wrong with someone refusing a hug but you just don't take it the wrong way you respect and back off. If you are in the same situation where you are hurting inside so much the merest of touch will set you off I believe people should understand or try to understand and let things be until you are ready.
  Pain like the women was experiences has many phases and I do not begrudge anyone their greiving process. How sad though!

• yani said on Jan 25, 2007....

  I am a touch person. I love to hug, embrace, those sort of thing. I used to be rather cold but when I had my children, everything just changed :)

• MsStar39 said on Jan 25, 2007....

  ginger, I can see the significance of you not wanting to be hugged  because as you said your mother was not a hugger. It's hard to believe that you never remember her hugging you when you were small. Of course this is not the first time I have heard of this. IT's hard for us to break away from what we experienced  as children.
  
  

• MsStar39 said on Jan 25, 2007....

  Vani, I think that you having children was the break through for you. when you see their little faces, so cute, the love just over flow.

• mom said on Jan 25, 2007....

  I am a touchy feely person.  If I felt compelled to give a person a hug, I would ask them first. I will sit and just rub my childs arms or legs, it is calming for me.  I have 2 small dogs and I pet them a lot.  I never used to be that way, I always felt dirty after touching, and would get angry if someone hugged me. I am not like that anymore.

• MsStar39 said on Jan 25, 2007....

  Lucy, you are right of course, just back off if they don't want to be hugged. If I am having a bad day, It doesn't take much to start the tears to flowing.

• MsStar39 said on Jan 25, 2007....

  Anonymous, This is the very thing that this woman was trying to get across,she
  had her professional face on and tried to stay strong. This was the only way she could make it through the day. when this lady insisted on hugging , the armor was gone.
  People boundaries have to be respected.
  

• MsStar39 said on Jan 25, 2007....

  Hi daily,
  It's nothing wrong in not wanting to be touched, I am so for your loss and sorry that you had to experience that. here is a virtual [HUG].
  

• MsStar39 said on Jan 25, 2007....

  mom,
  It is so strange how you can change through the years.It's like you mellow out and get more loving.I bet your kids and dogs just love it.
  

• MsStar39 said on Jan 25, 2007....

  Husbandhater,
  I feel so bad for everyone that suffered through 9/11, I am a touchy feely person myself, but if someone says no their boundaries have to be respected.
  

• gingersoul said on Jan 25, 2007....

  Daily...you are alwasy so sweet.....{{{{{{{hug you back}}}}}}

  This might be a contradiction with what i wrote......lol.....

  Ms.......thank you for understanding the thread that runs.........now i am the mother and i am always touching and caressing my daughter..she will remember my kisses and my squeezes for sure.....:-).

• MsStar39 said on Jan 25, 2007....

  Shirl,
  I agree, no mother ever wants to go through the tragedy of burying a child.
  
  Secretlife,
  I am a touchy feely person myself, but I do respect boundaries.
  I will admit that I have infriged  an rubbed a belly or two, Sorry, I couldn't help myself.
  
  Mpbil,
  LOL, you need help before you get in trouble.
  

• MsStar39 said on Jan 25, 2007....

  ginger,
  That is so very special. Your daughter will always remember the love that you gave her.
  

• MissMimi said on Jan 26, 2007....

  Hi, MsStar! I am a virtual hugger, but not so much in real life. I am not comfortable being touched, and especially by someone I don't know very well. When my husband's cousin got married, the groom whom I had never met before the wedding insisted on hugging AND kissing almost every woman there. No, no, no. Huge invasion of my space.
  Having said that, it really does depend on who it is who wants to do the hugging.

• MsStar39 said on Jan 26, 2007....

  Mimi,
   You are not alone, even though I am a hugger, I was amazed at the number of people
  that does not like to be touched. I was talking to my grandchildren and found that two of them liked being hugged but the middle child hates it. when it comes to the public, boundaries have to be respected.
  

• polarheart said on Jan 26, 2007....

  I am a touchy feely person.  When my mom was alive and I still lived with my parents I would hug my mom every day and often more than once.  She was soft and huggable and I would cuddle into the side of her neck with my head and would feel that everything was ok with the world.
   
  When I speak to people I often (subconciously) reach out and touch them on the arm.  However, when people are going through a tough time I will ask "can i give you a hug?", it is quite easy to read if people are open or not.
   
  I love the kind of hugs Mobil was talking about...can you send me one please, Mobil?
   
  A good hug requires both parties to curve their shoulders in towards the other person and their chins to be placed on opposite sides of each other's necks and then to squeeze gentley.  There is nothing worse than a stiff backed hug!
   
  I use to have a cute poem about hugs - I will try to find it and come back here.
   
  Polar
   
   

• Dicconzane said on Jan 26, 2007....

  Was definitely the not touchy feely type, not even really with partners, preferring just to be left alone rather than pawed over. But have come around, now enjoy getting close and give very good hugs.

• Comfort said on Jan 26, 2007....

  For me it depends who's involved.. I adore hugging a partner that I am with and equally like to receive them back but I just don't feel comfortable hugging friends and family..

• gingersoul said on Jan 26, 2007....

  Ms....thank you....:-)

  Polar..i like that Mobil kind of hug too.....lol.....

  Comfort....i agree with you.....hugging a partner is natural as breathing for me..... actually i am constantly touching-caressing-stroking-patting-squeezing my partner......:-)

• MsStar39 said on Jan 26, 2007....

  
  Polar,
  Thanks for commenting. I hope you find that poem on hugs. I think its important to hug our loved ones everyday and let them know that we love them.
  Mobil, I sure can use a bear hug right now.

• MsStar39 said on Jan 26, 2007....

  Dicconzane, Glad you have come over to the Hug side.
  
  Comfort, some people are just never confortable with huging
  anyone other then a partner, but that's okay.
  

• MsStar39 said on Jan 26, 2007....

  Dicconzane, Glad you have come over to the Hug side.
  
  Comfort, some people are just never confortable with huging
  anyone other then a partner, but that's okay.
  

• blueraven6 said on Jul 25, 2009....

  I was raised in an old fashioned big German family where being hugged is a fact of life. Warm. Snuggly.
  
  It's only when I left home and went to school, then the military that I found it was worth a law suit to hug someone without their permission!
  
  I could not imagine such a thing!
  
  We ran some studies in a hospital environment. The military is always doing this or something like it.
  
  What we found out is this: If you don't touch a child, they will turn their face to the wall, and die. No lie.
  
  We found the same thing with critically ill and comatose patients. They got well faster with backrubs and conversation, even when they couldn't answer back.
  
  Love is the only real reality.
  
  God made it that way.
  
  Please accept this hug from me!
  
  blueraven6
  

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