The decision to tell this part of my life has not been easy. I felt that people would accuse my of being crazy, or of lying, and I wouldn’t blame them. It was PastorJ4Christ who reminded me that sometimes miracles are not only for those they happen to. Sometimes sharing the story of a miracle can help others, and so I share this with you. Please read to the end with an open mind. If you decide I’m a crazy, a liar, or both, I will accept those as your opinions, after all you don’t know me in real life.
From the age of seven I was bullied. This isn’t the story of that, but it is where my tale starts. Years of living in the isolation of rejection triggered severe depression. I can’t remember when that dark cloud crept into my life, but I do know it had firmly gripped me by the age of thirteen. No-one knew how I felt inside, no-one knew of the bullying, for anyone to find out, in my mind at least, would have meant I was even more of a failure. I couldn’t bare to cause any one the pain that knowing would cause, particularly to my mother.
By the age of fourteen I was very ill, although I couldn’t see it at the time. I wanted to die, to leave the pain that was this life. The only thing that stayed my hand form ending it myself was my mum. I knew that she’d find me, that she’d blame herself, I couldn’t be the source of that pain. Instead I prayed to die in my sleep so she could blame God, rather than herself. As ridiculous as it sounds now, and please remember my state of mind at the time, I would rub dirt into wounds on my arm hoping for gangrene. My plan was to hide the condition until there was no hope of survival. Of coarse it never happened.
This depression never lifted. I left school, dated, fell in love, married, and still happiness was a transient emotion that could be felt for only moments while the depression consumed my soul. During the majority of that time I had nothing to blame for my depression than my own mind. Just as I turned twenty-one I stood up to some bullies in my town and they started putting my living-room window through once a week. This was the straw that broke the camels back. I was tired, tired of fighting. Live was nothing but drudgery and I couldn’t see a way for it to get better. In my mind I couldn’t ask for help either, I didn’t want to let anyone down. I’d already failed my education, having dropped out of college because I couldn’t cope anymore, although that wasn’t the reason I gave.
It was at this time, Spring 2003, I gave up. I was laid on my bed praying to die. In my heart of hearts I knew that I would soon do it myself, I felt I had no way out anymore. I don’t know why my prayer changed, but suddenly, instead of praying to die, I called out for help. I poured my pain into the prayer, explained how I couldn’t face this world any longer and closed my eyes.
In a bright flash of light an angel appeared in my minds eye. A being of pure light, humanoid in shape with wings of brilliant white. Suddenly I felt surrounded by the purest love and heard a voice tell me, in soft, dulcet, male tones, that it was not my time to die. I still had work to do.
“Who are you,” I asked, completely relaxed in the presence of what I knew was an angel.
“Raphael,” the angel replied.
“Don’t be daft,” said I. “That’s a mutant turtle.” This of coarse is a quite ridiculous response, it is, however, what I said.
I could hear the laughter in his voice as he said, “And the name of an angel.” His voice resumed a serious tone then, “You are loved, and angels watch over you. When you feel you have no-one else all you have to do is ask and we will be here. You are not alone.”
With that it was over, but the feeling of love remained and stayed for many days. As he left Raphael took the depression from me, in those few moments it had lifted and was gone. It has never returned and I would say I am now a happy person. Through subsequent research I found out that Raphael is the archangel of healing, something I could not have known before.
There were consequences. My husband had to get to know a different woman, as he’d never known me without the depression. I had to learn to love my husband. I’d made the enormous decision to spend the rest of my life with him while I was ill, I’d married the first man to show any interest in me. I’m pleased to say that that was a good choice in the long run. He is a wonderful man and I do love him with all my heart now.
I know that you will think that this was a delusion of my own mind, if you believe me at all. I have no evidence that you’re wrong, but I believe that I was visited by an angel that day. I also believe that if this miracle hadn’t happened to me I wouldn’t be alive now, and that if I was I wouldn’t have my beautiful daughter, or my loving marriage.
Now I’ve told my story I leave you to make your own judgements, but I do ask you to remember this, in your darkest moments you are never alone, and sometimes all it takes is the right prayer.
SaltwaterPearl posted on Jan 19, 2007
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Comments
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anonymous said on Jan 19, 2007....
SaltwaterPearl, you are definitely not crazy or a liar. I write more later. -
PastorJ4Christ said on Jan 19, 2007....
I am so glad that you chose to post this. While reading your post, I paused,,,,,often, because it all seems eerily similar to experiances that I have had in the past.
You are neither crazy, nor a liar. I am sure that by stepping out on faith and taking the courage to write this, you very well may have given someone else the strength to believe.
Thank you for mentioning me in your post,,,,,I am very grateful and honored that I was used to help release that which God had given you. Never again feel apprehensive about writing anything. Obviously, I through all fear out the door in my posts,,,,I don't care what people think me anymore,,,Only what God thinks.
Well, anyway. I will post one of my encounters later this evening. Until then, be blessed.
Jason -
polarheart said on Jan 19, 2007....
Pearl,What a wonderful testimony! I was so amazed when you mentioned "Raphael", because I read a book many, many moons ago about a man who had certain encounters with angels, and I destinctly remember Raphael's name. . .isn't that absolutely amazing!?I am soooo happy for you and that your life was spared by our Heavenly Father through the ministry of an angel! And i'm so glad that I've met you here at SoulCast (esp coz you are also here in the UK) and I think that you will bless many people still to come across your path with this life changing message.Blessings to you! Polar x -
SaltwaterPearl said on Jan 19, 2007....
Thank-you everyone. I can't express how grateful I am for your comments. The adrenalin was flowing and my heart was hammering in my cheast when I clicked that "Publish Post" button. I thought I'd be tagged as a nutter.
Anonymous: Thank-you for commenting, I look forward to hearing from you.
Jason: There is no reason to thank me, you really did help me make up my mind to post this and credit where credit is due, so thank-you once again. I think many people have these times in their lives when they felt like that. I look forward to your post tonight.
Polar: Thank-you for your words. I was, and am truely blessed, to have had this experience. I'm glad to have met you too especially because you're a fellow inmate of this rainy little isle. I was also floored when I found research afterward and found out about Raphael, I really only related it to the Teenage Mutant Ninga Turtle's, hence my rather un-spiritual response.
Thank-you all again. Bright Blessings,
Pearl x
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mom said on Jan 19, 2007....
Salty, it is these kind of stories that testify that God is real and he does watch over us and that we are never alone. I have had experiences also but am not really ready to share them, probably for the same reasons you were. Some things are so private and special that I don't want people mocking it or being negative. You know in your heart of hearts that what happened was real. Maybe we should start a post about wonderful personal stories or just stories we have read or heard. It is always so uplifting to read these things. Thanks for sharing it. -
secretlife said on Jan 19, 2007....
swp: i believe that it's only important what YOU believe happened.the fact that you are alive and happy......those are the testaments to the rest of us. -
SaltwaterPearl said on Jan 19, 2007....
Mom: Thank-you for your comment. I will be interested to hear about your experiences when you feel ready to share them. I think starting a post about wonderful things that happen is a great idea, there's so much sadness in the world right now, sometimes it's nice to remind ourselves that there are reasons to smile as well.
Secret: Thank-you for commenting. I think you're right, sometimes I worry too much over what others think.
Pearl x
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queenparanoia said on Jan 19, 2007....
saltwaterpearl: this post brings tears to my eyes. why? because i had an angel too. read him in this post. his name is rafael. yup he saved me. i saw his angel when they took him to our creator. but that's another post.today i'm having another crappy day.thank you for reminding me why i should be smiling instead of dwelling on my problems.. -
CreativeWoman said on Jan 19, 2007....
That's truly inspiring. You aren't crazy. We all wish for miracles. You were blessed with yours.
CW
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Mamie said on Jan 20, 2007....
so glad to read your post, SWP! I not only believe your story but know that it is true! There are times in our lives where the only way for us to hear, really hear God is when He allows for the v eil to be lifted so that we are pulled back into the the comfort and safety of His love. I am so happy that your heart and mind was open enough to hear the message and accept the rewards of surrendering your life.BTW, when I was on chemo years ago, my fam was out of town and home alone I had a reaction to the drugs that I had finished using for pain meds. Yep, I was in withdrawal that was painful and scary. The pain in my chest felt as though a ton of bricks were crushing me. I called out for help. If this was "it" I asked Jesus to just come to be with me as I didn't want to be alone and I didn't want this pain anymore.My phone rang. It was my neighbor...she was on her cell and out in my driveway. She brought in a hotdog and a pot of coffee. To be polite, i let her in and took a bite of the hotdog. We chitchatted for a little while and I finally told her about the withdrawal. We considered calling an ambulance, we continued to politely drink cup after cup of coffee. She put the flowers she brought into a vase and said, well thats it, you were on my mind, but now I leave you to rest.Almost the minute she left I knew...the caffeine had somehow allowed my to detox from the barbituate I had been on. The roll from the hotdog allowed my stomach to settle down and...the flowers, well they were roses....I have had the chance to tell my friend exactly what she did for me that day and she said that she just woke up that moring with an intense sense of coming over uninvited. She had not known that my fam was out of town. She was my angel that day, unawares..yes, I not only get your story, but I tell you it is true.Best of luck to you in '07!!Mamie -
SaltwaterPearl said on Jan 20, 2007....
Queen: Thank-you for your comment. I'm glad my post helped you yesterday, are you feeling better today?
CW: Thank-you so much for your comment.
Mamie: Thank-you for sharing that wonderful story. A Spiritualist leader once told me that Spirit often works through people without them being fully aware, and this is a beautiful example of that. I'm so glad both God and your friend were there for you. Are you in remission now?
Thank-you all for your kind comments. I do appriciate them very much.
-Pearl
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queenparanoia said on Jan 21, 2007....
yup i'm okay today!!! we are celebrating our town fiesta so i'm happy!!!
thanks for asking...
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kruuyai said on Jan 25, 2007....
salt: This was a beautiful story. I'm so glad I found it, and I don't doubt it for a minute. I've had a similar experience (even though I don't believe in 'god'), but I believe we are guided in some way.... I'm just not sure what name I would give to our guides. I also believe that our guides appear to us in ways that we are most likely to accept and hear their message. So, for you, it was an angel... for somebody else, the same guide (or another) may have chosen to appear in a different way, but they're all valid manifestations, because the most important thing is that it helped you in your life. My experience only changed my life for a short while, and I went back, eventually to that depressed state that I've known all my life. But it was enough for me to believe that I can be lifted out of it again someday. Thank you for posting this... and now I'm going over to queenparanoia's post to read about her experience with Rafael. -
SaltwaterPearl said on Jan 29, 2007....
Kruuyai: Thank-you for your comment. I think you're right. There are many ways for spirit to guide us, and I think that these things happen more often than people realise. I pray that your guides will find a way to help you again. I have no doubt that they are around you when you need them. -
truthsayer said on Jan 31, 2007....
There are angels of the heavenly host, and powers and principalities all around us, all the time. The "seen world" is miniscule, compared to the unseen world. You are the focus, and the battleground. God has messengers in all shapes, sizes, species, etc. He does communicate in ways that we can understand, and in ways that get our attention.
Raphael comes from the Hebrew word rapha, to heal; and el, means of God/Yahweh. So his very name tells you who sent him. Please don't doubt that he was a messenger of Yahweh Rapha, or Jehovah Rapha. That means I AM THE LORD THAT HEALS YOU. Raphael delivered the message and ministered to you, but it was THE LORD THAT HEALED YOU. It's all in The Name baby ; ) You gave credit where credit was due for the encouragement to write the story...remember to give the Almighty His praise too : )
I started to read this weeks ago, and bookmarked it to come back to it. I am sorry it took me this long; but I am glad I finally got here! And I am really proud of you for sharing it. It is humble and strong. Thanks again.
truthsayer
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SaltwaterPearl said on Feb 01, 2007....
Truth: Thank-you for your comment. I can assure you I'm truely grateful to the force that moves in and around us for sending Raphael to me. I know I owe everything in my life now to this experience.
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