Have you ever felt like you were stuck, between a rock and a hard place? Have you ever wondered where that phrase came from? What if being between a rock and a hard place, is actually being in the Cleft of the Rock?
Sometimes, on a critical issue, I picture myself walking the edge of a sword: I make myself small enough so that I do not slide off, in either direction, cutting my feet, or falling. I stay as close to the middle as I can, but it isn't easy. A little too far to the left or right, moving too quickly, so as to lose my balance, or thinking of myself as too big, too important, and I could hurt myself, for no good reason. The edge of the Sword is safe to walk, and weild, as long as I am balanced, and humble. Not boring or weak, just balanced and humble.
I spent so many of the last 18 or 20 years feeling like I was stuck, between a rock and a hard place. There are so many ways to feel stuck, but few ways to actually BE stuck. People would perceive me as, and I quote: Happy go lucky, free spirited, etc. For the most part, they were right, but my daily life didn't seem to to me, to be happy enough, relaxed enough, fulfilling enough...Other than my children, it just never seemed to be "enough." My outlook, my personality, and my beliefs, stood in stark contrast, I believed, to my natural daily life.
Mostly money troubles and marital CHALLENGES ; ) But I always did my best to "do my best"! Somehow, I just could not shake the feeling that no matter what I did, it was not enough. No matter how much I prayed, hoped, trusted, and actually worked on my marriage, it never SEEMED to flourish. It seemed to be dying, a slow painful death. But, like the Master reminds me: When will you do away with appearances, and make a right judgement?
Money challenges were a serious point of contention for each of us too. I could make you laugh with the word battles we had; and whoever you liked the best, you would think was "right". We are both pretty attractive and likeable people, but our interpretation of things, well, that sounds like one of us calling day "night" and the other calling night "day"; and both of us are right, and wrong, I am sure. People tend to sympathize more with me though. So, I have to be careful of that.
Anyway, back to my original question: Have you ever felt like you were stuck between a rock and a hard place, later to find, looking back with the wisdom of years, that you were exactly where you were supposed to be, when you were supposed to be there?
I have reached a new place in my life. I can actually look back on my life, and get a glimpse of such a grand design! I cannot, of course, see the whole thing yet; one day I will. Until then, I have such contentment that I have never had before. I am so grateful for the times I have been allowed to know the truth, and escape the lies of our temporal spatial tiny view of life.
I like myself now. I really do. I know that I am not perfect, and never will be, in this life (except for maybe the split-second before you die!): And I am okay with that too, by the way ; ) I am not perfect, and I have released my spouse from being perfect, but I also welcome us both to change in ways we never thought we could. I do the same with my children. By having a good foundation on solid ground, I know we are all anchored, and the storms still come, but we get through them, and grow in ways we never thought we could.
I have noticed that I see and believe in far more possiblities than I ever did when I kept trying to get out from between that rock and hard place. Now, I just lean on that Rock, and I quit pushing against the hard place. I accept my Refuge. I welcome it...and like a chinese finger puzzle, when I stopped pushing and pulling and struggling, the tight feeling just slipped off. Once captive, I am now free.
Peace Fellow-Think-Babies, try it.
truthsayer, copyright January 18, 2007
