• mom said on Jan 18, 2007....

  That is such a tough one.  I used to be like that but it was everyday.  I am on medication so it kind of helps.  I still have my off days and today has been one but i know why I am feeling bad. I think you are feeling bad for no reason that you can think of, right?  What I learned in therapy, give yourself positive feedback.  If you have a negative thought push it away, replace it with something opposite.  I had a hard time learning to do that but I very rarely think negative thoughts.  It really does help. Negative self talk is something learned, and you have to unlearn it.  Do not let negative thoughts enter your head, chase them away.  I don't know your situation, if you suffer from clinical depression or not but I do.    When I got depressed I would withdraw, it has to do with not feeling worthy enough to be around anyone,  for me anyway.  Also accept the fact you are going to have bad days, cry, write, scream, stay in bed and watch tv all day, whatever it takes to get through it.  Also it does help to get out of the house even if you feel like withdrawing.  Allow yourself those bad days, it isn't anything you can help. Blog about it.  For me it seemed like when I felt happy I didn't want to think about the lows and felt that I had actually conquered my depression, then when I hit my lows I felt that I was going stay sad.  Now i just tell everyone, I am really depressed today and everyone is pretty good about letting me have my space.  I hope this helps, it sure isn't fun.
  Do you believe in God?  There is a poem out there called "The Touch of the Masters Hand", have you heard of it?  If you haven't I will find it for you.  It is a beautiful poem.  It is one that always makes me cry.
  Do you want my email address in case you need to contact me directly? Let me know

• silverwhisper said on Jan 18, 2007....

  to get out of the doldrums, what i always do is try to find something that makes me smile. usually, children playing works for folks, but so do pets.
  
  i hope you're feeling better, petite papillon.
  
  [hug]
  
  ed

• Lucytorial said on Jan 18, 2007....

  Well, I live with someone who is a manic depresive and it's not easy but I usually don't push, let things happen and be a happy person myself - this helps them as they see that life may not be as dark as they think. Get some sun on your face and do something nice for yourself, studies have also shown that sex can help get through depression due to levels of endorphines and pheramones.... could be worth a try!

• MissMimi said on Jan 19, 2007....

  Hello Papillon, mom introduced me to your blog.
  You're not alone. Depression is a hard thing to beat, and it's so much more complicated than just being down in the dumps.
  I've had many days when my fondest wish is to just curl up and die. More than once I've thought about driving my car into a tree. Those are hard feelings to experience, but they do pass.
  You know what I've found is the absolute worst thing I can do when I feel like that? Spend a lot of time online. I look, in vain, for someone, anyone to notice the pain I'm in (and of course that's unrealistic) and when it doesn't happen, I'm even more convinced of my worthlessness. Turn off the computer. BTW, I am terrible at taking my own advice.
  mom had some good advice for you. If the only thing you can manage is vegging on the couch all day, do it. Distract yourself. Do something that occupies your mind. I do crossword puzzles or sew because it helps me concentrate on something outside of my mind. I also write; stories, journals, blogging (although there's that computer again). You can pour a lot of the pain out in words. SoulCast has been very therapeutic for me. Sitting in the sun is a wonderful thing. I turn my face up to the warmth of the sun and just let the heat and light chase away the darkness.
  sorry this is so long winded. I wish you the very best.

• petitepapillon said on Jan 19, 2007....

  Mom~ Thank you for all your kind words. I've been upset and depressed recently because I keep getting this feeling that nothing is going to ever be right and that I'm going to fail at whatever it is I do. I used to take medication for it, having been diagnosed with Major Depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but don't anymore since the meds hardly ever worked for me. But I still am in therapy, so everything you've said are the same things my therapist tells me. But I have a tendency to forget to do those things. And you're right, sometimes you just need to allow myself to have my bad days. It just feels like crap, though,  but deep down, I know it will pass.
   
  So again, thank you so very much. And yes, if you could find that poem you spoke of, that would be great. I have never heard of it and would like to read it.
   
  Silver~Thank you for the advice. I'm feeling a wee bit better, having a good cry and being honest with how I've been feeling. *hugs* : ) 
   
  Lucytorial~You seem like a very understanding and supportive person, especially to the person you live with since manic depressives can be hard to live with. It's people like you that make me realize that there are understanding people who don't push. Thank you so much for your kind words. Oh yeah, and my boyfriend will be quite happy when I tell him that having sex will lift me out of my depressive state, lol. : )
   
  MissMimi~ Your comment was not long winded.  And yes, spending a lot of time on the computer, looking for someone to notice the pain I'm in is the worst thing I can do. I am quite guilty of this from time to time, although I am now learning to stop this bad habit. Thank you so much for your advice and your kind words.
   
  To everyone~ Thank you for commenting. I wasn't looking for any attention; just wanted to know what others did when they were feeling depressed or sad. Everything that each one of you has said has been quite helpful and shows me that I'm not alone. And that there are people I can ask advice on how they deal with certain things. Because it never hurts to learn new ways of dealing with difficult matters.
   
  Again, thank you all.
   
  Hugs and kisses,
  Iris aka petitepapillon

• silverwhisper said on Jan 19, 2007....

  petite papillon: you should know by now that you're never alone here. never. :>
  
  ed

• mom said on Jan 19, 2007....

  Petite I was worried about you girl.  Not being close is difficult because the last I had heard was that you had brought up jumping out a window.  I tried to give you some words of help and then nothing.  Please, please when you are like that come back on the next day and just say, "Hey I'm ok"  Also if you feel bad come on here and tell people you need cheering up.  We all have funny stories to tell and maybe we can get you laughing or cheer you up. I am so glad you are ok.  I don't know what I would do if I didn't have medication.  Your depression seems like a black hole you can't crawl out of.  I fully know what that is like.  It is the most awful and alone  feeling.  Also have you tried praying when you are like that?  Sometimes that is hard to do.
  You ARE NOT alone never!
  *hugs*

• mom said on Jan 19, 2007....

  The Touch of the Masters Hand

  Twas battered and scarred, and the auctioneer
  thought it scarcely worth his while to waste much time on the old violin,
  but held it up with a smile; "What am I bidden, good folks," he cried,
  "Who'll start the bidding for me?" "A dollar, a dollar"; then two!" "Only
  two? Two dollars, and who'll make it three? Three dollars, once; three
  dollars twice; going for three.." But no, from the room, far back, a
  gray-haired man came forward and picked up the bow; Then, wiping the dustfrom the old violin, and tightening the loose strings, he played a melodypure and sweet as caroling angel sings.
  
  The music ceased, and the auctioneer, with a voice that was quiet and low,said; "What am I bid for the old violin?" And he held it up with the bow.A thousand dollars, and who'll make it two? Two thousand! And who'll makeit three? Three thousand, once, three thousand, twice, and going and gone," said he. The people cheered, but some of them cried, "We do not quite understand what changed its worth." Swift came the reply: "The touch of  the master's hand."
  
  And many a man with life out of tune, and battered and scarred with sin,
  Is auctioned cheap to the thoughtless crowd, much like the old violin, A
  "mess of pottage," a glass of wine; a game - and he travels on. "He is
  going" once, and "going twice, He's going and almost gone." But the Master comes, and the foolish crowd never can quite understand the worth of a soul and the change that's wrought by the touch of the Master's hand.

  Myra 'Brooks' Welch

• Lucytorial said on Jan 20, 2007....

  Petite! you sweetie, you know that at the end of the day the only thing we all really have is love for each other. I truly believe that love is the only thing that crosses boundaries, lives, language, it doesn't cost you money, it won't hurt if its true love and most of all..... as human beings we were made to love. So sap all that love up because life has a tendancy to just keep going you... you just wake up every morning breath, and see what happens. Don't expect so much of yourself and maybe you might see a cloud move. A bad days a bad day and boy do we all have them BUT! tomorrow is another day and you just never bloody know.... thanks for your lovely words petite.

• petitepapillon said on Jan 21, 2007....

  Silver~ I am quickly learning that I am indeed not alone here on SC. : )
   
  Mom~ Again, sorry to have worried you. I will be sure to keep my pinky swear of coming on the next day to write a short little entry saying that I am still here but am dealing with things. And thank you for finding the poem for me. It's absolutely beautiful. : )
   
  Lucy~ You are so right. Love is something we have for each other and it just does wonders.  And tomorrow is indeed another day. Thank you again for your kind words. : )

• mom said on Jan 21, 2007....

  Thanks Petite,  I think I am training you like I have trained my own children.   :)
  I hope that things are really getting better for you.  Remember you can always wrote about those things here.
  *hugs*  Thanks for making me feel better

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