i recently had a conversation with one of my favorite people to have a conversation with.  i trust his knowledge and his general understanding of the way things are and so when we talk it always proves itself to be a somewhat enlightening and enjoyable process.  as a result of my inquiry thrown his way, part of his advice involved itself in the idea of being "unaffected."  "just be unaffected" he said.  ha.  yeah right.  unaffected?  is that even possible?  all i am is affected.  by everything.  all the time.  if i were unaffected i'd be a vegetable (most likely asparagus because of its delicious nature), not a living breathing human fueled only by emotion.  i don't even know if i would want to be unaffected if i could somehow manage such a feat.  if i could though, somehow become unaltered, i'd have to decide if it were to be relative or absolute.  constant or fleeting/continuous or intermittent.  desirable or foolish.  he's got my reading "the four agreements" for further enlightenment purposes.  being a person rocks. 


i've decided against the kitten.  this is kind of sad but not really.  you can't be sad over something that was never yours.  or maybe you can.  whatever the case is, i'm not sad really.  more proud that i made a decision that i believe is the right one.  i want a kitten because it would be fun and cute and a responsibility i've never had.  i'm not getting the kitten because i am too unstable.  my life is like this flowy river that i'm gliding down.  i don't know what is around the corner.  i don't know where it's going to take me.  i can't get a kitten all involved.  it wouldn't be fair.  to me.  or the kitten.  aw.  poor little kitten.  i would have been a good mother to it.  but it will find someone even better and it (let's pretend we know the sex and make it a little kitten girl so i don't have to keep calling it "it") will grow up with her mother and father and they will have a big ol' house that she will grow up in and play in and she will ruin their furniture, not mine, and she will frolic about and will do things that kittens/cats do and she will love her life and will grow up into a very productive, healthy and happy cat who will hold no resentment against her parents or the life she has lead.  haha.  i'm crazy.  one day i'll get a pet but it will be a puppy and it will be a boy and he will be glorious.  

i am an aunt to a wildly perfect dog named vicky.  she will kick your ass if you mess with her mama, me or anyone she knows and loves.  so don't even try it.  if she likes you and feels no need to take you down, then she will shower you with kisses at random and funny parts of your body for no good reason and she will also playfully bite your feet and run around like an outrageous woman.  she likes boys and butterflies.  treats and walks.  it is often the case that on these walks she enjoys so thoroughly, you (i) are (am) the one being strolled along instead of vice versa.  strong insanely hysterically cute girl dogs rock.


one of three things happened in concern to the third recommendation i am so anxiously waiting on to arrive in the mail before monday so i can get into graduate school and save the world.  one: it is still on its way.  two:  it was sent to the wrong address.  three:  the little doctor professor man is a liar and never sent it, in which case will endure a troubled series of karmic events.  if i don't get into graduate school i am going to move to brazil.








l.o.o.k.t.o.t.h.e.s.k.y.  h.e.a.r.t.y.o.u.i.