the bulwer-lytton fiction contest is run annually. it's a contest in which entrants are encouraged to submit the worst first sentence of a novel.
given the interest so many of us seem to have in writing, it seemed like something that might be fun to try here. i don't know how we would be able to do votes on whose submission is the "winner", but hey, it should at least be fun to try, i figure.
there's really only one rule: any submission has to be your own work and an honest effort to be as bad as possible.
so...anybody interested? :>
ed
silverwhisper posted on Jan 07, 2007
| views: 380
Comments
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Ormocanon said on Jan 07, 2007....
Silver, would you consider my "pissing contest" as an early bird entry? :) its bilingual though. -
the_infernal_optimist said on Jan 07, 2007....
Ooooh, interesting! I'll be back later with my submission. Thinking I'll have a little fun at Robert Jordan's expense. ;-) -
momsrock said on Jan 07, 2007....
Great idea...I don't have a submission but I want to follow along! :) -
silverwhisper said on Jan 07, 2007....
ormocanon: i haven't read that blog entry as it's in tagalog so i figured i was probably bound to miss something but i somehow doubt it's actually bad. :>
infernal: you know, i've never read his work, but from what i've heard from my friends who have, he appears to deserve whatever you can dish out! :>
MR: ah, don't be shy, missy! :>
i ought to have mentioned that i am shamelessly borrowing this idea from another online haunt of mine. it was someone else's idea that i happened to think was pretty cool.
ed -
ALIENated said on Jan 07, 2007....
I have seen the winning entries from previous years in e-mails that were going around. Let me try ...
She seemed to be holding a tiny chipper shredder, and
a grudge, as she motioned for me to unzip.
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Zayda said on Jan 07, 2007....
I don't have a submission right now, so I'm just commenting to follow along. :) -
husbandhater said on Jan 07, 2007....
I have 1.She sashayed down the hall way as if she was gliding, her long slender milky white legs eager 2 wrap them around her liverlips face. She was almost there. His liverlips quivering ready to smack... OH wait just take the first line silver or is it too x-rated. teh heh teh heh -
silverwhisper said on Jan 07, 2007....
HH: too x-rated? you clearly haven't seen some of my other blog entries. :>
ed -
lioneljay said on Jan 07, 2007....
I would nominate any of the first several sentences from the script of the Altman movie, A Prairie Home Companion, which are written in a mock film noir style.
But I may well find myself staring at a dark and stormy night soon and become inspired to honor Sir Edward in my own inimitable way.
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pickersplock said on Jan 07, 2007....
As the rain's pelted, he, brought the hammer to the
nail dubiously, while thinking, how could
she while standing on his left foot.
There, now do I win. That was really awful! -
CreativeWoman said on Jan 07, 2007....
I'll have to think on this a bit, but I have just started reading a book that directed me to read the last chapter first so I could get the rest of the book. It was more of a self-help book though.
I'm sure I'll enjoy following this thread. As a writer, I've always been instructed that the first line should be good enough to hook the reader.
CW
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the_infernal_optimist said on Jan 07, 2007....
Here's my [first] attempt, based loosely off of the horrendous Wheel of Time series. If not too many people participate, I'll try a better one later.
"Legends are really old stuff, like where this normal farmer-looking guy and his dad walk down a plain old dirt road, bitching about this and that, and then they get held up while the horse takes a dump, and then they walk - there's this tree, and then another, and some grass from time to time (did I mention trees?) - and they walk until you can't see them, but I'll tell you about the boring stuff they do next anyway."
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pickersplock said on Jan 07, 2007....
oooh, I've got another one!
The apple's Mary bought at the store she ate and
her passsion exploded her thought's drifted ambiguously
as she gazed out the window of her cars' windshield
shameless without hesitation.
That was worse, I can't believe I wrote that.
I added the punctuation and grammer errors for effect! -
copsunited said on Jan 07, 2007....
While antiquity is just another old idea it would be redundant to repeatthe iteration again, I was really close in proximity to the nearnesss of herbreathless breathing. Whew...Nah..that was the start of my novel on how to win influence and nudgefavorites to my side.G'night. -
petitepapillon said on Jan 07, 2007....
Infernal~ Lol, loved your first line. Now, if my boyfriend heard you call The Wheel of Time a horrendous series, he might just hurt you since he reads the series. But, no worries, I won't tell him what you said, hehe.
Ed~ Such an interesting thing. This is one thread I'll have to keep my eye on and possibly add as soon as I am able.
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ALIENated said on Jan 07, 2007....
"What is that smell", she thought, as she looked around, and stopped pulling his finger.
Something for the under 10 crowd. -
Tinkerman said on Jan 08, 2007....
In a world where crime is the currency, and the guilties ruled the streets..... -
BombShell said on Jan 08, 2007....
I vote for pickers. Misuse of apostrophies is something that just grates my skin. Two thumbs up for terrible writing. -
pickersplock said on Jan 08, 2007....
Thank you Bombshell. I just finished reading
Eats, Shoots, and Leaves. If you haven't read it you will
enjoy it very much! -
Expendable said on Jan 11, 2007....
Blushing, I stepped forward to give the former president a friendly peck on the cheek when the heel on my pumps broke, tumbling me face first into his lap while one wildly flailing arm managed to knock his half-eaten breakfast on top of me. I wanted to die then and there but the only thing I could find in his lap was a teaspoon. -
copsunited said on Jan 11, 2007....
Frankly I was looking for a good round of applause for all theentries..some analysis on how fucking bad some of themwere ..and the reasons why..and finally a vote..anon if necessary.but somewhere the idea of the contest got lost..shall we poke it up someones butt?? -
silverwhisper said on Jan 16, 2007....
alienated: ow ow ow! damn, man! and i like your second entry too!
HH: heh..."liverlips"...too funny!
pickersplock: they're both good entries although i think the second is "stronger" as bad fiction. :>
CW: i know, it seems tough to write badly on purpose. i think perhaps trying to write when really tired might help--i know that for me, my worst stuff is usually then. :D
infernal: you know, i've never read jordan. evidently, i've been lucky. :>
JD: o wow, that's really bad!
tinkerman: o, i like that!
ex: bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
sorry for the neglect here, guys. i completely forgot about this one. these are all good entries. does anyone have any entries they'd like to make?
ed -
lioneljay said on Jan 16, 2007....
War is hell, they say, but "they" never had to eat the chili and peanut-butter omelette at Mac's Diner to fend off the wormy attack of a cheap merlot hangover on a gray and grisly Tuesday morning. -
copsunited said on Jan 16, 2007....
Unfortunatley LJ that, being as bad as it is, has lots of merit.Those of us in the SHAFE French theather remember incidents of exactly that but Merlot was not even thought of at the time.
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