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on the nature of hypocrisy

silverwhisper posted on Jan 03, 2007 | views: 1361 | Tags: on the nature of, hypocrisy, Soulcast community, hypocrites, life, friendship, calling people idiots, secretlife, people
i’ve been trying to figure out precisely how to respond to something when it hit me that what i was really looking at what a new entry in this series.

what i’m trying to figure out is basically very simple: when someone maliciously distorts and misrepresents things into what any reasonable person would consider offensiveness, what is an acceptable response? i’ve thought about this a bit. this blog entry is the answer.

either yesterday or the day before, mobil posted a blog entry about how we conduct ourselves online. my comment was that when i think it’s justified, i prefer to use the truth as my weapon of choice. it’s a far better tool: it has a pleasant weight and produces the deepest, most lasting cuts.

i’ve spent a good amount of time in online interactions. i’ve been doing this for a long time—longer than most of you and certainly in greater volume than any of you. i’ve seen my share of flamewars, of stupid and petty little conspiracies, of all manner of stupidity over the years. that’s what happens when you have a tendency to be omnipresent, opinionated and type quickly. and there’s no disputing i’m all of those things, is there? :>

i’ve previously mentioned that there is a maximum number of comments/day. i happen to know what the maximum is, having hit it. twice. that’s a function of actually caring about what people have to say and commenting, to let them know that they aren’t lone voices crying in the wilderness. i was myself that lone voice myself when i started out here, just as we all were. even though i don’t go looking at new posts and eagerly seek out newcomers the way i used to, i do still try from time to time. it would, in fact, be hypocritical of me not to make the effort. i feel guilty about not being better about it these days now & again, but i also recognize that there are only so many hours in the day.

i suppose that all of this is to say that generally speaking, we’re all a little bit guilty of hypocrisy now and again. that’s normal. we’re all imperfect creatures and there’s really no denying that, either. :>

but sometimes, you encounter an example that is so beyond the pale that you simply cannot ignore it or chalk it up to someone having a bad day. and yesterday, i encountered such an instance.

one of the interesting things about interacting with the however many people to whom i’m subscribed, or to those who have subscribed to me, is that the more i interact with people, the better i get a feel for the way they express themselves: characteristic turns of phrase, common typos they make, how they like to format their blog entries or comments, etc. that’s generally true of everyone: i have a friend elsewhere that i can always trust to misspell “regard”. it’s a somewhat idiosyncratic misspelling, which makes his comments quite distinctive.

in every online haunt i frequent, i inevitably earn a reputation for being generally pretty bright, having a flair for words and general, all-around level-headed-ness. ask anyone who actually knows me from outside of soulcast. there are plenty to ask—nearly two dozen, IIRC.

i mention all of this not b/c i feel like i need an ego boost—as anyone who’s been at this for a while can tell you, people who seek an ego boost online are dumb—but to make the point that in general, i notice things. very specific things. and i tend to notice them pretty fast.

so when i look at things like the mind-bogglingly offensive blog entry posted yesterday by gumpyjumptooth, someone who’s always been a bit prickly but with whom until yesterday i’ve never really had a problem, i was unpleasantly surprised by three things: 1) that he would be so obviously hypocritical re: his choice of language, and 2) that he would have violated someone’s confidence by reproducing in public a communication that was intended to be private, rather than deleting it as was requested of him.

i won’t link to his blog entry and if anyone posts a link to it in the comments, i will delete that comment. such ugliness deserves no more attention than that pedophile from a few weeks ago.

i mentioned petty little conspiracies earlier. i mentioned that very specifically for a reason. i saw that paper gave gumpy her e-mail address, which i’ve noticed her giving to about a half dozen folks or so in the past month or three. i always try not to look when i encounter it—it’s not as if she’s giving me that information and i prefer to respect her privacy. besides, she’s only ever been pleasant and charming to me so i have no ill-will towards her.

but here’s where the story gets interesting. i mentioned above how i generally can discern someone’s writing style, right? the blog entry gumpy posted quotes, at great length, a communication, either a comment or e-mail, by someone and it’s very specifically about a friend of mine.

so this means that gumpy and paper know one another’s e-mail addresses: gumpy mentions that he rec’d another, similar message, so i can conclude that pretty safely. and i know in turn that paper has several other people’s e-mail addresses.

i said there were three unpleasant surprises, right? i’ve been holding this one for last. the third one was at how shockingly two-faced the author of that private communication was. i say shockingly two-faced b/c i know who the author is and up until yesterday, i thought of her as a decent person.

i am going to reproduce just the quoted e-mail below. all grammar, spelling, cases, etc are preserved as they were copied & pasted. enough of you folks (JD, mom) have seen the blog entry in question and can attest that this is a true & faithful copy & paste of it:

I wish there was a way to just email you ---

Since there isn't, i'll do it this way.

I'd like to ask you a favor. I know I have no right to ask you for a favor, but I'm going to anyway, and I know either way, you'll give it fair consideration and I can live with your choice whatever that is.

I hate butting into battles that aren't my own.
I always feel really incomfortable when people are going head to head with each other, and it starts to get really ugly.

I understand your point of view. I do.
I understand it about the cover post and comments.
I understand it about her personality and posts in general.

I've actually fought with myself and have had to hold back NOT to call her elitist, pompous, narcissistic blah blah....and especially when she complains about her students being stupid....i think that's the worst of it all and i would not want my college profs writing that about me, that's for sure....

i've actually felt attacked on more than one occasion as I've responded sincerely to some of her posts.
But-
(i know you aren't gonna buy the buts gumpy, but i'm still going to but you-)

This is how i feel....sometimes, the way you prove you are better than someone, is to ignore what they say.

I've come to believe that this person must be very very unhappy in her life gumpy....and isn't that punishment enough without having to stoop to her level and fling insults?

Enough, no? enough has been said. Sometimes you just have to say what you think and let it go....otherwise it looks like you're enjoying the kill too much....and that would make you cruel and unkind. i know you are neither....
Don't become like the thing you abhor, ok?

You'll not get ed to agree with you. He defends her like a brother.
Sometimes people defend those they care about ---right, wrong, or indifferent.

Love is blind, you know.

So, a stranger asks you to be the bigger man here.....
Let it go.

Have compassion for her even though she doesn't appear to offer the same to anyone else. It makes you better. In the eyes of others gumpy, it makes you bigger.

I'm sorry for butting in. I rarely do that.

I'd appreciate you deleting this when you've read it.

see, the author complains bitterly about my friend and how my friend is arrogant, then proceeds to judge her as a small person who is miserable. gumpy, tool that he is, ignored the good advice she gave him to be a bigger man and proved to the most casual reader’s satisfaction that he’s in fact a very, very little boy. but here’s why this is about hypocrisy.

you see, the author of that little character assassination piece is a hypocrite of the highest order. she judges others for being unhappy in their lives, when in point of fact, she’s actually unhappier than most. she judges others despite the fact that her own religion tells her not to yet in public, when interacting w/ my friend, she’s nothing but smiles.

so now, author, i have to address you directly.

the formatting of the comment, which gumpy just copied & pasted into his blog entry, is distinctly yours—your longer posts have a distinct rhythm and flow to them. so are the word choices, the phrasings and the rhythm of it. you wrote it without reviewing it much or taking any pains to hide your writing style, which you are normally smart enough to do when you post anonymously elsewhere. it made me laugh to see how often you thought you were speaking to my friend yesterday.

i know your writing style. indeed, i probably know it better than any other soulcaster. i read, with great interest, two very, very long samples of it a few months back. and i know how you like to format things—do you recall our discussing your formatting? i am uniquely qualified to identify how you write.

and that’s just how you conduct yourself here on soulcast. i won’t even touch on the hypocrisy that consumes the entirety of your marriage or how you practice your faith.

and yes, i defend her like a brother. just as i would for any friend. up until yesterday, i would have done the same if anyone had done the same to you, b/c up until then, i would have considered you a friend, too. and the same goes for hunter, CW, jadelondon, momsrock, lioneljay, ladygamer, happykat, and a whole host of others. how many others? just about anyone else on my subscriber list.

my only question to you is this: how on earth can you even look at yourself in the mirror, much less sleep at night? are you so lacking in the capacity for guilt, or merely just that convinced you’re actually that much smarter than everyone else? the former wouldn’t surprise me and the latter would be hugely, embarrassingly wrong.



so how do you look at yourself in the mirror, secretlife? b/c there’s absolutely zero question that was you. i pity you, you poor, lost creature.

ed

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Comments

  • Alyss said on Jan 03, 2007....
    Commenting solely so I can follow this.
  • MissMimi said on Jan 03, 2007....
    As am I.
  • secretlife said on Jan 03, 2007....
    thanks ed.  a true friend indeed.
  • EvilTwin said on Jan 03, 2007....
    Oh.  Damn. 
     
    Nothing to add right now, but I too wish to follow this...
  • silverwhisper said on Jan 03, 2007....
    well now, color me surprised. i expected you to try to say it wasn't really you.

    seriously, seek counseling, SL. you're a sick, sick woman. you can't even apologize for your misdeeds. i guess that means you just lack the capacity for guilt.

    ed
  • satyr said on Jan 03, 2007....
    I will come back and comment later
  • CreativeWoman said on Jan 03, 2007....
    ed,

    I can't speak for others, but I have always and continue to be grateful for your friendship.  Sometimes that includes defenses, at a girls or a kick in the pants.  All are appreciated.

    CW
  • husbandhater said on Jan 03, 2007....
    Now now boys and girls. If u can't play nice were going to have to put u in the time out chair like my 3yr old. Guys life is too short and were here to share thoughts and ideas not cause drama. Don't we have enough of it in our everyday life? Isn't it partly why were here? To find another "healty" outlet? Right or wrong lets find a way to grow, learn from this experience, and move on. Our little community begs this of all involved. Including teacher who calls students idiots or whatever she calls them.
    Someone find a good laugh out of all of this and for God's sake stop giving out your e-mails to eachother LOL
  • silverwhisper said on Jan 03, 2007....
    satyr, i will wait for your return.

    CW: thank you.

    HH: if i'd been the one starting something, i'd agree w/ you. that isn't the case here. and as to the teacher in question, she never called them idiots. go back and look at the blog entries. she's frustrated by their crappy attitude.

    ed
  • RollingC said on Jan 03, 2007....
    Don't know what to say. 
    And yes, love is blind but only to those who let it blind them.
    And the bottom line is that love is, was, and always will be... love.
    It doesn't matter if it's blind. Even though you know the faults of someone and you complain daily....if you love them....you will find ways of showing it and put up with their faults.
  • Chimaera said on Jan 03, 2007....
    On the topic of teachers calling their students idiots (or not)... It's called venting, people. You'd be amazed at what people say about other people -- doctors on the topic of patients, lawyers on the topic of clients and yes, teachers on the topic of students. Just saying.
  • husbandhater said on Jan 03, 2007....
    Hey ed speaking of writing styles are u an english teacher? Just curious?
  • silverwhisper said on Jan 03, 2007....
    rollingc: um...huh?

    chimaera: not everyone has the requisite two brain cells to rub together and understand that. this of course appears to include SL, although i don't mean to include HH in that.

    HH: no, although i did graduate college w/ an english major. why do you ask?

    SL: since i know that it was you that actually called me while blocking your own phone number (hint: mobile phones w/ blocked numbers show up differently), i double dog dare you to keep this going. go ahead.

    ed
  • carmachu said on Jan 03, 2007....

    burn'em to the ground ed.

     

    you know thats what I'd do....

  • silverwhisper said on Jan 03, 2007....
    i'm waiting for something substantial to materialize over the plate, carmachu. but thanks, dude. :>

    ed
  • secretlife said on Jan 03, 2007....

    ed:  I did not try to call you.  i would not ever try to call you.  please check the number dialed and stop acting like a little boy.  is this how you will 'destroy; me ed?  I don't even know HOW to block a call on my phone nor have i EVER done so.

    I hope you feel superior today ed.

    i will not defend nor apologize. 

    i'll let the you and soulcast be judge and jury.  it seems to be what you do best.

     

     

  • silverwhisper said on Jan 03, 2007....
    [giggles]

    o, secretlife...you're such a sad, pathetic little creature. see, i knew you would deny that. and i know you're probably quite busy right now w/ frantic e-mails so i won't take much of your time.

    blocking a phone number on a mobile phone is fairly standard. given what you do for a living, i have great difficulty believing that you, who are otherwise quite technically savvy, don't know how to do that. try again.

    as to what i do best...you'll never know what i do best. i know you've got dozens of the male soulcasters here dying to get into your pants. i find it interesting that shortly after i told you that i thought your non-erotic posts were stronger than your erotic ones, you almost entirely stopped posting erotica.

    given that you're utterly unrepentant for your misdeeds, i will say this: secretlife, to you, i will always be superior. always.

    ed
  • husbandhater said on Jan 03, 2007....
    HEY  ED U HURT THE FEELINGS I GOT ALL THE BRAIN CELLS GOD GAVE ME AND MORE. IF I WANT TO BE HURT I CAN LOG OFF FOR THAT.
  • silverwhisper said on Jan 03, 2007....
    whoa, hey: i said i didn't mean you.

    ed
  • satyr said on Jan 03, 2007....

    I saw some weeks back that there was some kind of a feud going on between cops and gumpy.  I try to steer clear of other peoples’ fights.  I couldn’t even tell you what it is about, or how it started.

    I don’t know you all that well, ed.  I have had a run-in with you which I mistakenly thought we had pretty much gotten past.  I have only been here about 5 months, but I have noticed I haven’t been the only one you’ve had a run-in with.  I can name four in that time without even trying to remember more.

    If we’re going to drag names through the mud, let’s get all of them out there.  For anyone who doesn’t know who the person being talked about is, it is Zayda.

    Secretlife has been my friend for a long time.  She is not sick, other than having some long term medical problems.  I think if you look at the private correspondence that you have so gleefully reproduced in an objective manner, ed, you would realize that secretlife was attempting to diffuse a feud by telling gumpy to drop it.  It was gumpy who was an ass by not deleting the comment after he read it……but I think from what I’ve seen it’s not the only thing gumpy has been an ass about. 

    I understand coming to a friend’s defense.  Zayda has said some rather nasty things from time to time.  I understand you have a special relationship and feel very close to her, ed. 

    I was taught to be civil to everyone, whether I liked them or not.  Assuming secretlife was raised with a similar set of values, I can easily see why she might have had some of the thoughts she expressed, but had not posted them in public.  We all have impressions of people we read on SoulCast.  Some are good, some are not so good.  There is a lot of chat and/or correspondence of things posted on SoulCast between individual SoulCasters. We both know this.  To say that another’s views are maliciously distorted and hypocritical because they don’t agree with yours is pretty damn arrogant.

    You, sir, are entirely out of line with this post.  To avoid more egg on anyone’s face, I suggest you drop it, even to the extent of deleting the post entirely.

    I am not a debater, ed.  I tell things as I see them.  I am sure you will have some little digs to throw back at me.  I will not debate you.

  • BombShell said on Jan 03, 2007....
    Man, I have been gone a while to have missed the thread in reference. 
     
    You know, in the book How To Win Friends and Influence People, the author describes the worst of villians in history to have believed themselves to be public benefactors.  The worst people actually believe that they are doing a tremendous service to society in their misdeeds.  I think that the virtual world is no different. 
     
    The way people reveal their pretenses is of continual amusement to me.  Without meaning to, most people reveal their biases.  I think we are all hypocrites and don't even know it.  I didn't go back and read the reference blog, but from what you posted, SL probably had a genuine desire to ease hostilities and errantly exposed her own shortcomings. 
     
    So that leads me to query: Now that SL has been called out....now what? 
  • silverwhisper said on Jan 03, 2007....
    satyr: i'm aware you've been her friend for a long time. and as such, and esp b/c you and i don't have any problem b/n us barring this, i want to be very careful about how i respond to this.

    1. no, i do not have any digs to fling at you. on the contrary, i thank you. i know that you're a man of principle and i respect that. further, i appreciate that despite what i'm sure is no small measure of irritation at what i have to say, you have taken the time to express yourself neutrally.

    2. zayda is my friend, and as i mentioned previously, so are a number of others here. had secretlife chosen to judge any of them, my response would be no different.

    3. i understand that you don't agree, but honestly, anyone reading those blog entries and getting a sense that zayda is narcissistic or any of the other junk your friend seems to think is IMV working well short of the right number of neurons. i don't think that's arrogant in the least: that's a call that any thinking person is bound to make, just as you make the call that you feel the same way.

    4. yes, there've been some run-ins w/ others. i have over 370 subscribers and have been on soulcast for going on half a year now, and post very often. the fact that there have been a small number of run-ins w/ others is in fact IMV a fact in my favor.

    5. i've read that comment very carefully, satyr, and remain satisfied w/ my reading of it.

    i understand that you're coming to the defense of your friend, and i want you to know, for whatever it's worth, that i bear you no ill-will and have tried to express myself as neutrally as i can.

    if others feel that this is out of line, they've not yet seen fit to say so, satyr.

    ed
  • mom said on Jan 03, 2007....
    Hey SW,
    Thanks for being a friend, now you have put yourself out there to be taunted by You know who.
    I am not a confrontational person until  I am pushed into it.  I am nice to everyone and I try to listen to what people have to say.  Unfortunately there is one who has not given me the same courtesy and so now the war is on.  I am also loyal to those that I have befriended.  I will go to battle for them also.  I am not really angry at anyone but I will needle that person if they want to be an ass.  That is where the fun comes in.  I just hope you are prepared for what is about to take place.  There are some of us who are in your corner.  I don't let this stuff upset me because You know who has said something nasty.
    Don't take things to heart, none of us knows the real people behind the ids on here.  We see what people allow us to see. Now having said that................Let the games begin.........*hugs to everyone*
  • Chimaera said on Jan 03, 2007....
    I don't know, I'm not really a member of this community, so I'm not privy to a lot of the implicit communication here.  But following this trail around a little, I think that Satyr has a point.  Secretlife's execution may have been poor, but she did at least hope for the expectation of privacy.  Given that you have already demonstrated that you understand the principle of people venting in private (as we discussed above, re: teachers calling students idiots), I'm sure you're not going to hold her words (which only represent a the surface of a deeper structure) against her.  What remains is her intention, whcih appears to have been noble.  In my untutored opinion, that is...  like I said, the social currents here are outside of my realm.
  • silverwhisper said on Jan 03, 2007....
    bombshell: sorry i missed your comment--i was typing up that response to satyr and i wanted to make sure i was expressing myself correctly. i haven't seen you around in a long time. and believe it or not, i'm sorry that this is the first thing i'm seeing you respond to.

    mom: o, i know i have but if recent history is any guide, he's got nothing to say that concerns me and certainly nothing i need to fear. and yeah, i know what's coming. i daresay i have a keener appreciation for it than most but thanks for saying so. i do appreciate it.

    chimaera: o, i agree that secretlife expected privacy and honestly, i am upset for her. however, i would point to her responses here as evidence against that reading of her motivations.

    ed
  • copsunited said on Jan 03, 2007....

    Holy Fuck. I am totally lost in this issue.

    I thought taht GrumpyNoBrains was the only real asshole on this blog site and here and now..well..I am shocked.

    I really and truly do NOT know what is happening and I

    am suspicious of myself for NOT knowing. This MUCH I know''when someone attacks one of my friends.".such as Zayda..they may have bitten off more than they can handle. Zayda is one of my favorites on this blog and if someone wants a piece of her..then they must want a piece of me..and that may be more than they can handle..guaranteed. Friends are precious and I treat each as a diamond in a wonderful tierra..called "Life"

    In other words fuck with them fuck with me..

     

    JD

  • the_infernal_optimist said on Jan 03, 2007....
    Wow. Just...wow.

    I want to go back and trace some of the pieces I'm missing before I'd dare say anything substantial, if I ever even do, since it's technically not my business anyway.
  • mobil said on Jan 03, 2007....
    I arrived here late, am usually confused, though I don't
    believe I am confused now.
     
    First, what is supposed to be an anonymous blog has
    turned into a kind of Payton Place.
     
    People have grouped up, talk to each other, hold opinions
    and a host of other ways, gather, get together, talk
    and communicate off to the side.
     
    It's no secret that I like SL. I will try to remain natural in my
    view Ed.
     
    In a perfect world none of this would be happening. Yes
    it's been my experience that we are all hypocrites. Today
    you, tomorrow me.
     
    SL did some name calling, this is true, but it wasn't
    intended to be seen by anyone other than it's recipient.
     
    Have you never in your life done this? If you haven't,
    I Sir, will put down my stone.
     
    Were SL's comments meant to be hurtful? I don't think
    so. If they were, she'd have done what you have done today !
     
  • Chimaera said on Jan 03, 2007....
    I think that she's perhaps more than a little hurt by what seems to be less than charitable inferences drawn about her character from what doesn't appear to be terribly compelling or damning evidence.  As such, I wouldn't put too much stock on the few words she's posted here in this thread.  If you're interested in simply sticking up for one of your own (i.e.: Zayda), then stomp away, I guess...  but if you're interested in what's right, Secretlife does not appear to be the right target.  As far as I can tell, anyway.  Secretlife got fucked over by having a priviliged communication made public -- that's it.  If you expect that none of your friends will ever vent about you, express a critical opinion of you or say anything negative about you from the safety of a private communication, then I think you have unrealistic expectations of friendship.
  • RollingC said on Jan 03, 2007....
    I really don't know what's going on so I can't really comment with assertiveness as to who did what. This is a place to vent if you need it, flirt if you want it, or just go off the wall if the situation demands it.
    But getting personal?
    Let's go back to getting along and having fun....hhmmmm?
  • the_infernal_optimist said on Jan 03, 2007....
    I'm back, with a slightly better understanding.

    I do disagree with Chimaera above, on the thinking that every friend bad-mouths every other at times. I'd rather go to the person I have an issue with, friend or not, and say "This bothers me, and I need to understand why you're like this (or whatever)" before spewing crap about them to a third party. That doesn't make me better than people who do that sort of thing, but I think there are more up-front people out there than back-door snide whisperers.

    But, what's done is done, and right or wrong, it wasn't intended to be made public (IMO, that makes it more toward wrong, because things you have to hide are usually the things that shouldn't be there). The target of the original words didn't deserve them (again, my opinion), but everyone gets to make up their own mind about everyone else.

    Most people are just wise enough (not to call others stupid - wise and smart aren't the same) to keep their opinions to themselves when airing their thoughts wouldn't be helpful. Maybe SL thought she was being helpful, but she had to realize the potential for greater harm than good in her words, and nobody here should be so naive as to think that what they say to someone else could never end up in a post.

    I like Zayda. I respect Ed deeply. And I don't know what to think about SL, but I'm not ready to write her off.

    I think my $.02 turned into a quarter, but it's one of the pretty US States series ones, so maybe you'll forgive me. ;-)
  • Chimaera said on Jan 03, 2007....
    Optimist, I think that you're grossly mischaracterizing what I said and the behaviour I discussed.  All of these proclamations of honesty are more than a little tired, IMV...  I highly doubt that you all go around saying exactly what you think, all of the time, to everybody.  Truthfulness as an ideal is highly overrated and, frankly, vastly subordinate to compassion as a virtue.  You're allowed to find some aspect of a friend irritating without feeling compelled to run and tell him or her about it.  In fact, that is often a bad idea and a poor example of friendship.  Kvetching about your buddy with a fellow buddy is not disloyal, no more than assaulting your friends with every little complaint or issue you have is honesty or true friendship.
  • gingersoul said on Jan 03, 2007....

    Ed......i said this before and i said this here again....Secret is one of the person i have dearest here at SC. And she earned this title with her openess and kindness, not only toward me but toward many others.

    And, sure, when i read your post i run to write her an email to ask her how she was doing. Thats what the friends do.....they run to help friends. So i understand you rushing in defense of Zayda. 

    When i read your post i was speechless...but my first question was: why did you throw all this heavy dirt against Secret when the only one to blame was who posted a very private conversation even after been asked to delete it?

    For what i read, Secret was trying to STOP the feud between Gumpy and Z.. Imagine that? If she was the sick, poor, malicious and conspirational person you called her (and what a heavy appellative you used for somebody you admitted was your friend)  shouldn't this be the perfect occasion for Secret to destroy Zayda?

    Instead she was trying to END that feud.

    Sure, she called Z. in that way. And you complain  that in front of Z. Secret was acting friendly and nice and instead she was back stabbing her. The way Secret considers Z belongs to her private territory... You called this behavior hypocrisy. And then what about you, Ed?

    Is it a friend's behavior  throwing against another friend all that dirt at the first bump of the road? Why didnt you write Secret asking her reason of her words before tossing her in this public Colisseum to be eaten by the beasts?

    I hate when things like these happen. They destroy the thread of trust the all of us here at Sc try to build each day.....

    I dont know if you have something against me too, Ed.....i only know i always kept you in high consideration.......i told you once how much i was learning from you in the way you debate without letting the confrontation degrade too much....so i am very sorry for this aspect too.....

    Love is blind, true, so maybe you will not see what we are trying to tell you. There are a lot of people who are feeling probably torn between the two of you. Secret and you are without any doubt the most popular members of Sc...this thing is really ripping in two many of them. I am sure.

    I wish anything of this would have not happened.  

  • mobil said on Jan 03, 2007....
    I forgot to mention out of line. Yes Ed, I think you
    are way out of line.
    I've been out of line Ed, lol, This makes my out of line
    look pretty good.
  • silverwhisper said on Jan 03, 2007....
    mobil: i appreciate your neutrality. indeed, i appreciate it a great deal. i said myself that i fall short periodically of the ideals we try to hold to as do we all. i certainly don't hold myself as somehow free of that.

    so yes, i imagine i have at some point. but i do not generally make it a point to belittle someone and say "look at how miserable this person is, you can be better than that!" which is to me considerably worse.

    now, if we cannot agree on that point, that's unfortunate. and as i said to satyr, it means a lot to me that you've taken the time to express yourself as you have. my thanks, for whatever that's worth.

    chimaera: as always, you mobil: i appreciate your neutrality. indeed, i appreciate it a great deal. i said myself that i fall short periodically of the ideals we try to hold to as do we all. i certainly don't hold myself as somehow free of that.

    so yes, i imagine i have at some point. but i do not generally make it a point to belittle someone and say "look at how miserable this person is, you can be better than that!" which is to me considerably worse.

    now, if we cannot agree on that point, that's unfortunate. and as i said to satyr, it means a lot to me that you've taken the time to express yourself as you have. my thanks, for whatever that's worth.

    chimaera: as always, you give me ample food for thought. i want to consider what you have to say more fully before responding at length.

    infernal: i appreciate your support, but i think chimaera's right in that what you are both discussing seem to be different things.

    ed
  • the_infernal_optimist said on Jan 03, 2007....
    Chimaera, I don't want to start an OT debate...but I thought I read what you said well enough - if not, then I think it's fair to say that you're at least as grossly mischaracterizing what I said in reply. Yes, truth and compassion should strike a balance - however, I don't think the balance necessarily includes running to someone else with complaints about friend X.

    I'm not going to point out every single imperfection I see in anyone, friend or not, but if there *is* something that's hurting my relationship with them, then they deserve to know. And you can relay the truth with compassion - that, to me, is less potentially hurtful than risking a situation like the one that happened between the parties described in the original post.

    That said, I'll respect your opinion and agree to disagree from here if you still think I'm way off-base. You have every right to your own opinion on that and everything else. ;-)
  • the_infernal_optimist said on Jan 03, 2007....
    Oh, and Ed: fair enough.
  • LadyGamer said on Jan 03, 2007....

    This is MY two cents.

     

    Gumball is an ass. Even those who have befriended, lauded and defended him are thrown to the wolves. And is he here defending his sacrifice? No he's not. Secretlife, in private vented and made a pretty smart suggestion. Gumball was the one who brought it public.

    And THEN. To add insult to injury...he took Zayda's creative writing, erotica no less, and used it to try and shame her. I can well understand why he doesn't want to let anyone here get hold of his "music". After all, one judges others by what one will do. Can you imagine what he thinks WE would do to his music?

     

    Should SL have said those things of Z? Well, yeah, if that is how she feels, though I would think she would say them to Z first.

    Should Gumball be getting all this attention? Um..No. You are just feeding the troll.

     

  • purrrkitten said on Jan 03, 2007....

    I just want to keep up on this. I hate conflict but I keep myself informed all the same.

    Yes, I saw the anonymous comment aimed at me too. (Don't know if it was SL or not - don't care.) Know what? I don't care! It sounds to me like someone is jealous b/c they would like the freedom to act as I will. Makes me sorry for them. I've seen it many times.

    As I've told Sean before, I've been hated by far better people than whoever wrote it. In the grand scheme of my life, it will not make or break me. Nor will it make me hurry to be the kind of person they'd like me to be (in other words hide who I am and pretend to be something else).

    I appeciate you, ed. You were one of the first people to comment on my blog. I've followed SL's blog too, nearly since I started reading soulcast. I thought we all pretty much got along. We all have our opinions (see? this is mine... eheheh) and that's what makes us unique.

    I think Gumpy opened up a can of worms - either maliciously or not. I can't quite figure him out. I don't agree with everything he says but I don't fight battles that I can't win. It's not worth wasting my time.

    Needless to say, I hope things eventually smooth down and we can get back to enjoying each other's company. Not everyone can be friends with everyone. If I don't particularly like what I read, I don't continue. It's my perogative... :-)

  • mom said on Jan 03, 2007....
    I agree with Purr.  Old Gumpy is sitting back and laughing because Misery loves company. He is the father of hate, I don't think he deserves the attention.  But that is me :)
  • bloc said on Jan 03, 2007....
    this raises an interesting question. Should you always tell people what you really think about them? If not should you then not tell anyone what you really think of said person. I always thought it was part of common civility to not tell people everything you think about them.

    Let's rephrase it. Should you be nice to someones face if you really think negative things about them? I'm sure the context has a lot to say about the answer, but in general I think the answer is yes.

    @sw
    You helped me see some of my errors in a flamewar so I hope to return the favor. This seems to be a mole hill that has turned into a mountain if you know what I mean. I like both you and zayda, but SL seemed to have good intentions even if she threw in some unwise jabs.
  • silverwhisper said on Jan 03, 2007....
    thank you, everyone who's posted--LG, purrkitten, mom & bloc. i will be responding more later, i'm afraid.

    but i particularly want to apologize to you, GS, b/c i missed that very long comment while typing up a pretty long comment myself. i wasn't deliberately trying to ignore you although it must have seemed so. you had a lot to say and it will take time to respond properly to it but no, i don't think poorly of you--if i had, i would not have commented w/ you today the way i have.

    ed
  • GrapeKoolaid said on Jan 03, 2007....
    Man.....  You talking heads in my computer are getting nasty with each other....

    Somewhere out there, SithBorg is pressing buttons and pulling levers to make things worse.  I just know it.  I blame him(not). 

    ed, you know how I feel about this matter, so I will not say it here.  One thing I will say is that deep down inside, each and every one of us has the capacity to forgive.  This relationship(whatever that means here) between Z and SL has been altered not just by Gumpy, but by you as well, ed.  Gumpy by his insensitive and offensive post, you by outing SL. 

    Would Z have known that it was SL if you didn't out her?  If she did, that would have been between Z and SL, right?  If she didn't, I guess you could have told her about it, but instead, there's this.  I don't think what Gumpy did was right, or proper.  It was most certainly rude. 

    Look it.  I said I wasn't going to say on it, and here I go.  I have more on it, but I think I sould stop. 

    Please remember that I hold you in the highest regard, ed.  My experience of SoulCast, indeed, of blogging in general has been greatly rewarded by your diligence and contribution.  I would not be exaggerating if I told you there are many others who feel the same.  Not just here, but in your personal life as well.  I'm sure of it.  I admire your character, your sense of humor, your tenacity, and endurance.  Comment limit....my god, man.  It is a testament to your energy and your ability to care. 

    I admire secretlife as well.  She's been nothing but kind, smart and witty.  She marches on fearlessly even though she sometimes feels unhappy and/or unfulfilled.  I admire her courage and determination.  I don't think she went about things the right way in this particular incident, but she was trying to diffuse the situation.  Of course, Gumpy posting it, and now this, has aggravated the situation, not made better.  I'm sure she'd put things in a different way, if she could. 

    Zayda....well, she's prof Z, Super Z, Lady Z, what else do you need?  She doesn't need any of us to defend her.  She's self-actualized, a professional recognized in her field, loving mother, and a caring friend who jabs you when she thinks you need it. 

    I hope one day we can all go back to being little talking heads on my 'puter screen leaving nice cute little notes to each other.

    Talking head(apparently the talkiest.  Sorry this went a little long.),

    Grape.

    P.S.  I linked this to my morning post.  I think you should check it out.  I only wish I'd found it a week ago. 
  • RollingC said on Jan 03, 2007....
    peace and goodwill to all....wouldn't it be nice if it was Christmas all year long?
  • mobil said on Jan 03, 2007....
    >so yes, i imagine i have at some point. but i do not generally make it
    a point to belittle someone and say "look at how miserable this person
     is, you can be better than that!" which is to me considerably worse.

    now, if we cannot agree on that point, that's unfortunate.<
     
    This is the last I will post about this Ed, I want to reply to your statement
    above. It seems you are talking about degrees here? That the first
    degree about how miserable this person is and then going to a what?
     
    A higher degree by saying you can be better than that? It's all about
    talking behind someone's back. Not the most pleasant thing we humans
    do. I agree.
     
    It's my opinion that you have for some reason become emotionally over
    stimulated by this. SL never said anything negative about you. So, she
    doesn't like Zayda?
     
    Now that's out in the open, am I missing something here? You admit
    to behaving in less than a sterling way sometimes. I do too, what you
    gave me as a response seems to be about degrees of what is said?
     
    It's apparent that folks writing here have become close to each other.
    Maybe closer than what this type of activity should allow.
     
    I don't know Ed, I am rambling now. I guess as my last word on this
    I have to say; I think you will be sorry for handling this as you have.
    Perhaps not today or tomorrow, but this that you've done; It's not
    pretty, it brings no honor to you and it's vengeful Ed, it's just vengeful.
  • BombShell said on Jan 03, 2007....
    OT: sorry, ed.  My job has kept me in a secure room away from the compy lately and I've only had time to lurk on my lunch break or after the kids are asleep.  Have I not commented on your page before?  Gosh, I guess I *have* been lurking too much.  I'll try to speak up more.
  • Ormocanon said on Jan 03, 2007....
    Whew! this place is getting hot...by the way, I'm a distributor of Arctic Sea, a food supplement rich in omega 3 & omega 9. Its good at keeping one's blood pressure at normal level. thought I'd let you all know, just in case.
  • yani said on Jan 03, 2007....
    Oh my!

    Now I know that I have been gone for soo long.

    From what I can gather, and this is only my opinion, I think the one who's in the wrong here is that Gumpy person. He shouldn't have posted that private correspondence, said mail was sent to him to try to diffuse the unpleasant situation between him and Zayda. He should have just kept it to himself and deleted, as requested, the message. Shame on you, Gumpyperson.

    That said, I'm out of here.



  • LadyGamer said on Jan 03, 2007....
    Well I don't call him Gumball because he bounces. I call him that because he invites people to chew him up and spit him out as soon as his detestable flavor has been discerned.
  • paidinblood said on Jan 04, 2007....

    Since I both hold Z and SL in high esteem, I will try to be as circumspect as I can with my 2 cents.

    4 things:

    1.) We've already established that GJT has made very classless actions and should answer for his tactlessness.

    2.) Regarding the email, SL's intentions were definitely good; the execution however was flawed.  Nobody has a right to judge a person and I mean NOBODY, I think all of you understand that.

    3.) Zayda has been the victim of indiscriminate flames.

    4.) As ed has said, SL and ed should sort this out privately.  There is no need to bring something that should be done privately out in public.

    Much respect,

    paidinBlood

  • missb said on Jan 04, 2007....
    What the hell is going on? Sheeshh.... guess i've been away for too long :/ I'll be back... I need to acquire more info before i can say anything.

    Cheers!
  • copsunited said on Jan 04, 2007....
    Ach de libre..einen fartisable. And little red riddinghood got eaten by
    a wolf?? Nah... just me in sheeps dips.
     
    GOOD morning all Trying to catch up. Everyone has a take on the
    issues and seems to be well informed and well founded/grounded
    in their belief systems. Good. Everyone has a right to vent and voice
    opinions..Even GravelDeepThroat (aka: Asswipe).
     
    While following along I see very good intentions and some very strong
    opinions. Good.
     
    From what I see this (SC) is NOT designed just for everyone to be buddy
    buddy and "see friends in dump..kick friend in rump". It is merely a forum
    for expression. So have at it.
     
    I have a question perhaps someone can addressd for me. Who in hell
    is Chimaera? Out of the woodwork comes someone telling me how to
    and how I should or should not communicate with friends. I sat there
    in disbelief that such huge assumptions were made in the blind. I most
    certainly DO talk to my friends about how they are, if they offend me, if
    they piss me off etc. I broach each and every subject with the person
    with whom I have had the "view or aspect of view". If someone pisses
    me off I go right to that person..no holds barred and confront them with
    my thoughts. Seems to have worked for years beause I am constantly
    surrounded by friends.
     
    I never.and I mean never talk to anyone else behind a back. Never. If I
    can't tell the person directly..then I am either not concerned enough about
    the issue or risk being a two-faced coward.
     
    If Chimaera has those feelings that it is okay to diss behind a back..so
    be it..but don't include ME in those gross misrepresentations of "others"
     
    Thank you... JD the Cop
                          JD the Mad Irishman/Crazy for ewe...
  • EvilTwin said on Jan 04, 2007....
    All that I might have said has been said much more eloquently than I could have.  And I am seeing the logic on different sides of this issue.  Personally, I am sorry it has come to all of this and I feel badly for everyone directly and indirectly involved...
     
    I think this could have been handled much differently.  Perhaps it could have been done out of the public's eye (as public as SC is to be considered) and things could have been sorted out, differences discussed rationally.  Perhaps this was the only way it could have been done.  I don't know.
     
    What I do know from reading the responses is that this is not a good thing.  This thread was made out of anger.  With good intent from a certain point of view, but out of anger.  From another point of view, it can be considered simply malicious.  YMMV.
     
    I believe it was made to defend someone who many of us feel is quite capable of defending herself.  Though I am not faulting one's desire to defend or stand up for someone else.  I admit that I am very likely to stand up for someone when I think it should be done, whether the person in question wishes it or not.  That's me, so I can understand it.
     
    And I believe it was made as a means of venting one's frustration.  That is what many of us do.  Some choose to do it differently than others.  Some do it in private.  Some by sharing an assumed private communique.  Some do so publically.  And some may not realise they are venting when they may in fact be trying to help.  Again, it's a matter of one's perspective and point of view. 
     
    We're all human and we are prone to make mistakes.  We are prone to occasionally have feelings that we may not wish shared with everyone.  We are prone to like someone, actually and genuinely care about someone, but still dislike some things about them.  It's normal.  It happens. 
     
    I'm with gingersoul in that I wish that this never happened.  Any of it... 
     
     
     
    EvilTwin
    "Many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."
  • Alyss said on Jan 04, 2007....
    Cops, Chimaera is someone that ed & I and others know from elsewhere. I believe his comments are directed towards ed rather than anyone else but I am sure he will confirm or refute that assumption himself in due course.

    In general:
    ed already knows what I think as I have told him so directly but in addressing the comments here, in many ways I agree with Chimaera. No friendship (or profession) is perfect and sometimes venting about one person to another is normal and natural.

    Of course if I personally have an issue with an individual I will say something about it to them directly or if it is minor enough to be ignored then I do that instead.

    Additionally there is no handbook that says if person A is a friend of B & C that person C also has to be a friend with B or vice versa. Friendships are complicated things and factors that make one work may not work so well in another.

    I think ultimately what is at question here is whether or not there were good intentions behind the comminique with GJT and only the author of that knows for sure. Anyone one else is speculating, however compelling the evidence.

    What can be surmised is that there was an element of naivity in assuming that GJT would do the honourable thing as requested, whereas instead he has quite literally betrayed that person's trust. Also apparent is an unfortunate failure of judgement wrt to venting opinions of another soulcaster to someone so unscrupulous as to take advantage of it.

    Many a time good intentions are misconstrued which is why I rarely meddle in other people's affairs.

    And I have never considered silence to be determinant of either assent or guilt.
  • husbandhater said on Jan 04, 2007....
    Hey guys can we direct all this venom to that new dude with that stupid acrynim F.I.T.Z.Z. You know that nasty Pedofile whose entered our domain. He could really use some of this. Maybe it'd make him go jump in a lake or something. Hey Copper and company care to join me in some dirt bag releasing? LOL
  • silverwhisper said on Jan 05, 2007....
    GS: i don't have a problem with you. we've always gotten along quite well in the past and i've never had reason to think ill of you. my ire is directed solely at your friend, not at you. i suspect some are torn and i suspect a lot of folks are still pretty busy saying "WTF?!" and i'm sure there's no small number who will no longer be reading anything i have to say. there are several things in your comment that are echoed elsewhere by others and rather than repeat myself, i will address them at the end.

    LG: yes, one would think that if she had the desire to judge. not everyone has your characteristic directness, though.

    purrkitten, mom: yeah, but gumpy doesn't deserve our thought and he sure as hell doesn't warrant a title. as strange as this may sound, i do feel badly for SL b/c of the idiot. see, i don't care about what gumpy has to say b/c even saying this much about him is too much, as LG observed.

    bloc: i hear what you're saying, and i appreciate your making the effort. but there's a little more to this, you see.

    there are a number of folks to whom i am not replying directly, as a few ideas keep cropping up in the comments that i will address together rather than repeat myself a lot:

    why target SL but more or less ignore gumpy?
    that's simple. gumpy doesn't matter. i don't expect grown-up behavior out of him, nor does anyone else w/ two neurons to rub together. he's demonstrated that is the proper estimation when he betrayed SL's confidence so revoltingly by copying & pasting that comment. i've reproduced what there was of the comment on the original blog entry. but here's a question: what else was there in the comment that none of us saw? was there more to it? how much more? for that matter, was the title of that blog entry itself derived from text that gumpy chose not to quote? did SL herself call zayda that?

    given how SL's always been smiles & sunlight when interacting w/ practically everyone, it raises the very real possibility that she's doing the same to more than just zayda. and the only person who actually does have all the information and is capable of answering the question is SL herself, who's already observed that she's both utterly unrepentant and unwilling to provide any explanation. the facts are these: she made the comments, owned up to it and none of us will ever know the entire text of that comment, b/c she wanted it that way.

    ed, you outed SL as the writer!
    actually, she outed herself in her second comment. and anyone who's read enough of her longer posts would have recognized that writing style as hers. i was pretty sure, but if she weren't the writer, SL could have said so. she did the opposite and moreover, she said she refused to apologize for it.

    you should have handled this privately, quietly, just b/n the two of you
    i could have done that, true. but the problem in trying to handle such things quietly, where no one else is can see it, is that e-mails can be falsified. i do not want to be accused of falsifying anything that she might say or not say. and considering that what sparked this realization began as a private communication, i think that method of proceeding would have been a terrible mistake.

    it's normal to be frustrated w/ people
    yes, that's perfectly normal. there are times that i am frustrated w/ my friends or acquaintances too. but when i am, i do not sit in judgment over them when commiserating to a (relative) stranger. neither do i feel it necessary to conclude someone is miserable and that is itself a suitable punishment, esp if i am myself miserable. that goes well beyond the pale of being frustrated w/ someone: that's just plain character assassination. and that's why i don't accept the intrepretation of the comment as being just SL trying to make peace. peace through character assassination? i just don't see it.

    this blog entry was way, way out of line!
    i don't pretend it was anything but brutal: it absolutely was. and i don't apologize for the brutality, frankly, b/c i feel that SL backstabbed zayda. it was underhanded, dirty and dishonorable. so yes, this blog entry was borne out of vengeance. i will not apologize for that, either, b/c there's really no nice way to say "i think SL is an underhanded and dishonorable person". up until the other day, i trusted SL, and that trust was disintegrated by her comment. so yes, there's an element of vengeance here. but that's why i went as far as i did.

    this is an ugly episode and yes, i certainly had a significant part to play, but far from the only part.

    ed
  • writerspirit said on Jan 05, 2007....

    OMG!

    This is the longest post ever (probably).

    I will tell you, Ed, the same thing I told Secret. I will remain neutral only because we are all virtual to one another. This inevitably makes it impossible to truly know what anyone is thinking/saying. I think you are both fabulous people, from what I've read, and would not want to say anything to imply otherwise.

    Please, try to find a way to forgive. Remember the "zen" moment I spoke about on a previous blog? Well this is one of those moments. Meditate on this; it may not solve it but it will calm your mind and soul.

    Nameste,

    Writerspirit " ^ "

  • Zayda said on Jan 06, 2007....
    I've read this post a couple of times this evening, along with all the comments and a few other posts.  And I've been sitting here trying to decide exactly what I want to say and how I want to say it.  I'm still not sure how I want to respond, so I'll have to come back to it.
  • LadyGamer said on Jan 06, 2007....

    I am here to attest.... When ed gets frustrated with you, he hauls out the fish and starts wailing away. Our SilverWhisper is thoughtful, considerate, multidimensional, openminded and above all, calm headed. When he finds something irritating, you can bet yer sweet bippy, its extreme.

     

    I think his frustration is more powerful for the fact that it is not often utilized.

  • silverwhisper said on Jan 06, 2007....
    writerspirit: i absolutely do not want you or anyone else to choose sides. i regret that people are feeling conflicted. i regret that very much, to be honest. but neither can i remain silent about what i have seen.

    z: take your time.

    LG: what precisely is a "sweet bippy"? or do i just not want to know that? :D

    ed
  • LadyGamer said on Jan 06, 2007....

    Hey little boy, ya wanna see my Bippy?

    *waggles brows*

  • Gambiota said on Jan 06, 2007....
    aw, man--yall must be a youngun, mr silver

    taint you never seen 'laugh-in' with rowen and martin?

    here come de judge, here come de judge

    i think even tricky dick nixson wondered what a bippy was, though
  • MissMimi said on Jan 06, 2007....
    Ed, you're too young to have a bippy. they remove them nowadays. :>
  • Zayda said on Jan 06, 2007....
    I have come back to this post again today and read it through carefully. I have also read through the comments as well as a series of other posts by Jenna, Secretlife, Mobil, and even Gumpy just so I could absorb all the nuances of what is happening here.

    I have come to one clear conclusion. I am pretty much, to draw on a cliché, "damned if I do and damned if I don't". You see as soon as I respond to the critics here regarding my actions and what brought about Gumpy's ire and then Secret's harsh words, I will be vilified by some and their opinion that I am a miserable cunt and narcissistic bitch will be, in their eyes, confirmed.

    If I say nothing and just let the ugliness pass, then in the eyes of those who have been insinuating or coming right out and saying in comments in other posts that I could care less that will also certify for some that I am indeed that miserable cunt and narcissistic bitch.

    So, whichever way I choose to go, I will surely be maligned. Thus, I have been trying to decide which way I will choose to be damned. I choose to be damned by responding.

    At this point, I'm not sure how anything I say will be received, except that I can rest assured that it will be copied by Gumpy and each point I raise will be translated by him into his warped interpretation of what he thinks my words mean. And my words will be used to denigrate my ability to use rhetoric, which will in turn bring Secret much mirth.

    I am also sure that this comment will lose me subscribers (as has not responding thus far also lost me subscribers). But, my blog has never been about the number of subscribers I have. My blog has been for me; it has been my space to write for myself. To some, I suppose that may make me narcissistic. But then, isn't that really what all our blogs are —a space for us to write about whatever we chose to write about?

    So here, for now, are my thoughts. I am sure that I will have more of them.

    Many of you have indicated that I am perfectly capable of defending myself. And I am. I simply choose not to defend myself against Gumpy's outrageous posts. Gumpy's words do not bother me. Nor was I crushed by them. If he chooses to think that I am a miserable cunt or a horrible teacher so be it. I know he is wrong on both counts. Gumpy's opinion of me affects me in no way. And really, neither does Secret's opinion.

    For the record, Ed did not out Secretlife to me as the writer of that comment that Gumpy copied, removed the name from, and posted in his blog. You see as part of my job what I do is learn to recognize people's writing styles. I've been doing just that for 14 years with class after class of students. Writing styles, with all their little idiosyncrasies, are much like fingerprints in that they are individual and unique.

    I recognized that comment as being Secret's the moment I saw it and read it in Gumpy's post. There was, for me, no mistaking that those words were her words. Ed has done nothing to damage the relationship between me and Secret. The blame for this rift lies solely at Secretlife's feet and no one else's.

    I, unlike, most of you, do not think there was a single ounce of Secret trying to do the right thing by posting that comment on Gumpy's blog. Secret knew full well what she was doing when she posted that comment on his blog. Anyone that has been in her profession long enough—one that focuses on communication—could ascertain by reading any of Gumpy's blogs that he would take her comment, remove from her name from it, and post it as more "proof" that I am a miserable cunt. After all, copying other people's posts or comments and responding to them in nasty ways is a pattern for him, no? Secret knew exactly what she was doing and where it would lead. There was nothing but malice, vindictiveness, and pettiness driving what she did.

    Further, Gumpy admits in one of his own posts that he told Secretlife that he might use part of her post:

    Of course, I HAD deleted the original post, while telling SL I might use part of her post later.

    So, let's not pretend that Secret did not know that Gumpy wasn't possibly going to do what he did, shall we?

    And neither do I believe that there is an ounce of remorse for what she did flowing in her veins. Yes, she may claim in other posts/comments that she doesn't want anyone hurt, but then she turns around to take great delight and pride in Gumpy's continued haranguing. If she wasn't taking great delight in Gumpy's posts, why would she have read his latest post 7 times. Her words, in response to Gumpy's post, are not the words of a woman who wants no one to be hurt by this:

    • secretlife said about 4 hours ago...

    This is my 7th trip reading this post...i'm enjoying it far too much.

    See gumpy? Everyone has a mean side. Even me.

    I think you make every point possible....and the mean me, the one i try so very hard to keep in check is cheering you on.

    The other, nicer me, wishes that enough were enough 5 days ago, when I asked you to please stop.

    Now we're all exposed huh?

    Nor has Secret made one move to apologize for any of her part in this. She continues to hold herself blameless for what is going on here and she continues to celebrate herself as a paragon of virtue when she, above anyone else involved in this mess, is most to blame. In fact, she has said in comments in this very post that she will not apologize.

    Wow. No need to apologize. Why would someone who has such a good heart as so many people claim she does state she sees no need to apologize for her part in this?

    This growing rift between members of SC would not be occurring if Secret had chosen to be upfront with her opinions and concerns about me. But instead, she made the choice to be underhanded and deceitful. It was not Ed that made the "shit on the fan blade black", to quote Mobil's charming colloquialism; it was Secret.

    Yes, I know some of you will continue to see what she did as an act of peacemaking, and that is your choice to see. But I will never believe that there was any attempt at bringing about peace behind what she did. You see, Secret, in her own comment asks Gumpy to be the bigger man and to just drop what he was doing, but she fails in the very act of doing what she was asking him to do. And that is a shiny example of hypocrisy at its finest. There was nothing pure-hearted or kind about her actions; and there is nothing pure-hearted or kind about her continuing comments about Ed or the insinuations about me.

    We should be concerned that we have no idea whether the comment that Gumpy posted is whole or whether more than Secret's name was redacted. Well, Gumpy claims that he knows what the whole of the post was, but are we to trust this vile man to tell the truth about what was or wasn't there in that comment. (After all in his own post that I quoted from above he admits that he might use part.) I, for one, don't believe we should trust that more of her post was not redacted.

    But, of more concern, should be Secret's comment itself. Since Secret is out there making comments regarding me that she claims she doesn't want seen publicly (which she really did) because they are mean comments, who is to say that she isn't out there stabbing the bulk of you in the back with the same kind of mean comments. None of you have any guarantee that she isn't expect for her word, which frankly, isn't worth anything since she has obviously lied about the fact that she didn't know Gumpy would be using her comments.

    In my many years of experience with online interactions, which are almost as numerous and involved as Ed's (during which our paths have never crossed before SC), I have come to recognize SL's type very well. She is not some saint, nor is she anywhere close to perfect as some claim her to be. She is a vicious manipulative virus that insidiously winds it way through this space.

    That Secret continues dialogue with Gumpy, and is in fact even celebrating his posts, despite his so-called betrayal of her trust (which I don't believe we can call a betrayal any more since he did tell her he would likely use part of her comment) is further evidence of both her hypocrisy and just how un-saintly and petty she truly is. If anyone is a shining example of being a miserable being, it is her. Her own words support that she is a sick pathetic creature who needs professional help. Seriously, Secretlife, how do you live with yourself? How do you look in the mirror?

  • silverwhisper said on Jan 06, 2007....
    gaimbota, welcome to my blog, although i'll confess that i regret this is the first one you're visiting. young is to me a state of mind but no, i never had the opportunity to watch rowan & martin i'm afraid.

    miss mimi: goodness, how young do you think i am? :>

    zayda: well, you already know what i think re: what you have to say, i imagine, considering i've said mostly the same. although i'll confess i'm surprised that she's continuing to read him. i find that...telling.

    ed
  • RollingC said on Jan 06, 2007....
    I do not wish to take sides and can only say that I'm saddened by all this.

    ps...I still like Soulcast and will continue to read everyone's posts. Or almost everyone.
  • silverwhisper said on Jan 07, 2007....
    rollingc: i for one don't want you to take sides.

    ed
  • Gambiota said on Jan 07, 2007....
    rowan & marten's laugh-in.

    'you bet your sweet bippy!' was a phrase made popular on the show

    just afore nixson was elected prez, he made an appearence on laugh-in saying with confusion 'you bet MY bippy?'

    trying to get the young vote  i guess it worked
  • Zayda said on Jan 07, 2007....
    Silver--Yes, it is telling indeed.
  • lioneljay said on Jan 07, 2007....
    Z, as I found out in my own blog, around here it's quite easy to be damned if you do and damned if you don't. Thank you for elucidating your response to this situation.
  • mobil said on Jan 07, 2007....
    Lj, I don't think that is quite true. You are able to go around
    and feel comfortable speaking to all parties again.
     
    I won't take all the credit for that, but c'mon. I'd like to think
    I am at least partly responsible for your feeling better.
  • lioneljay said on Jan 07, 2007....
    Mobil, you have completely misread my response to your comments.
  • mobil said on Jan 07, 2007....
    Don't worry about it LJ, I am just glad that you are feeling better and once again
    comfortable here at soulcast.
     
    I am glad to call you a friend and I am sorry for that snide remark. For your
    efforts Western Civilization is a little bit better tonight.
  • mom said on Jan 07, 2007....

    Hey Zayda,

    I like you.  I like all of you.

  • happykat said on Jan 10, 2007....
    I had no idea so much was happening in the e-life! I tried to read all the comments here and, frankly, I ran out of time. Therefore, i don't feel up to adequately up to speed. I know this....ed is my friend.

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