• silverwhisper said on Jan 03, 2007....

  my god...i just happened to be reviewing some old blog entries and encountered your user name, and wondered what happened to you!
  
  happy new year, anna!
  
  as to the situation: you don't want to date him b/c you aren't physically attracted to him. sounds to me like if you don't wanna date him, you should allow him to be uncomfortable and not worry about it. i think that in dating, you should trust your instincts, myself.
  
  ed

• HotAir said on Jan 03, 2007....

  I'm with silver. If you aren't physically attracted, you definitely will not want a long term relationship. So you're best as friends. Take it from a lady in her second marriage. If you aren't enticed by the thought of him naked, there's not much potential. Sex tends to have issues of it's own when you marry. (Like it gets lost, men lose that urge to swoon...) And dating is like the pre-exam for marriage. Get out before his heart gets broken. Karma will be kind to you, if you're kind to others. Best of Luck ;)

• Anna said on Jan 03, 2007....

  Hello Ed! Its been forever! But its good to be back to the Soulcast family. Thank you to the both of you :) I'm definitely not attracted to him, and my instincts warn me against this relationship. I just needed affirmation, so thank you once again, and best wishes to you both!

   

• momsrock said on Jan 03, 2007....

  I wouldn't date him if you aren't physically attracted to him.But I would definitely tell him that...then there is no need for you to be on edge... or avoiding him... you gave it a shot and it didn't work out... don't feel bad.

• mom said on Jan 03, 2007....

  Be honest with him, but be nice about it.  If you are not attracted to him then I agree with everyone here.  Honesty is the best policy.

• gingersoul said on Jan 03, 2007....

  Anna......nice to meet you...:-).

  I would simply let him know where you stand...tell him you want him as a friend, that you thought there might be something different between the two of you but at the end ididn't workout. Be nice and direct so that he will not misunderstand you...

  Plus, if there is no sexual chemistry whats the point? Just be friend. 

  Good luck...

• GrapeKoolaid said on Jan 03, 2007....

  Awww....  You're breakin' that dude's heart....  Poor lil' fella....
  
  I'm not saying you should give it up to him or anything.  It's just an unfortunate situation is all.  Sigh.  The heart wants what it wants, no?  And it certainly ain't him.  That's just too bad...  Well, I hope he gets over it.  I hope you fare well, too. 
  
  Best regards,
  
  Grape. 
  

• Anna said on Jan 03, 2007....

  Momsrock- You're right, I won't feel bad. It was only an outing, not a date. And I won't allow myself to get sucked into a relationship just because I feel bad for the guy.

  Mom- I will definitely be honest. But nice.

  Gingersoul- Nice to meet you too :) I will be nice, but clear. And there isn't physical chemistry (well, there is, but its all on his part. Definitely not on my part)  It's hard to explain. Like a bad vibe or something.

  Grape- I didn't pull him that far in. He did the rest. But I did lead him on a bit, so I'm partially guilty as charged. But how else would I have known that it wouldn't work unless I had gotten to know him better? My heart has ceased its search for a kindred soul. Now its just waiting, patiently. Its been hurt in the past, and doesn't want to rush into another relationship that isn't worthwhile. I guess you can say its grown cautious. But I'm optimistic. And patient. :)

  Thank you all so very much. Much love to all of you!

  ~Anna

• GrapeKoolaid said on Jan 03, 2007....

  LOL what would the nerds in the world do(myself included), if it wasn't for the pity date?  :)
  
  In my experience, love comes at you when you're not looking.  When you least suspect it.  I believe your patience will be justly rewarded.  You shouldn't settle, especially in a relationship.  That says unflattering things about you, I'd say.  
  
  Just a thought. 
  
  Best regards,
  
  Grape. 
  

• yani said on Jan 03, 2007....

  Hi to you!
  
  I agree with most everyone here.
  
  Tell him in the kindest way possible that it won't work if you are to go any further, but that maybe you could still remain freinds :)
  
  He'll appreciate it, I'm sure, if not now, then later. It's better than pretending to feel what isn't actually there.
  

• Phile said on Jan 04, 2007....

  Happy new year!
   
  I thinkt hat you should pull out of the relationship now becasue you will only end up hurting him even more! But, make sure that you wnat to tned the relatioship before you actually do beacuse you could cause alot of harm than good f you were to try to get back together again.
   
  Hope all goes well!

• BombShell said on Jan 04, 2007....

  Hi Anna, nice to "meet" you.  Um....I think you made it clear that you aren't going to continue whatever level of intimacy you started.  Wasn't your question how to do it? 
   
  I've been in that situation before.  (Except six years later, I ended up marrying the guy, but that's a different story.)  Anyway, I met him on the first day of college and was instantly attracted to him.  But I was a free-spirited tomboy; I wasn't ready for a relationship.  I just wanted...ahem....you know. <wink>  He thought it was more than that and I had to gracefully back out.  It took a couple weeks, but I slowly made him keen to the idea that he wasn't the only guy in my life and I didn't consider him a boyfriend.  I know he was crushed, but he took it like a man and was still my friend. 
   
  I think that if you slowly drew him in and didnt go all the way, you can do the same in reverse.  Slowly draw yourself back.
   
  What do you guys (the men here) think?  Would you rather a direct confrontation or would you rather it seem like you misinterpreted things?

• silverwhisper said on Jan 04, 2007....

  i say be direct. if you aren't direct, you run the risk of the guy thinking you're being coy.
  
  ed

• bowlingmama said on Jan 04, 2007....

  Hi Anna, Your feelings for this man are the same feelings a sister has for her brother. And you won't date your brother would you? (Unless you're on Jerry Springer). I have male friends like that and the rule is you never cross that line because someone ususally gets hurt. Anyway, be a woman about the situation and tell him ASAP. Believe it or not, he probably senses that you are not feeling him, but his ego won't let him say it becuase you drew him in. Now you have step back over that line you crossed. If your friendship was that close, he be okay.

• missb said on Jan 04, 2007....

  Hey Anna,
  
  Happy new year and welcome back. I'm missb and It's nice to meet you :)
  
  Anyway, all in all i agree with what others said. I've been in that kind of situation myself and i know it's not pretty :) But what i did, i did what i had to do. I can't lie to myself and pretend that the chemistry's there. I had to tell him although it hurt him and like you, i kinda led him initially. I did try though, and went into a relationship with him and i regretted it. I didn't want to hurt his feelings so i thought i'd give it a try. But eventually it hurt him even more.
  
  Good luck, Anna ;) Best wishes.
  
  Cheers!
  

• Anna said on Jan 04, 2007....

  Hello to all! So here's the current situation: I emailed him back (he wrote to me yesterday) and I made it clear in a direct manner that I didn't want to date him. I conveyed it in way that was diplomatic and kind, and I said I'm telling him now instead of later so it wouldn't be as bad. So now I'm waiting for a reply. Hopefully it won't be too bad. lol

  Grape- I hope you've found love, you're not a nerd :) Best wishes.

  Yani- Hi! You're right, I couldn't bear to pretend, so I'd rather just tell him the truth now before he gets too hopeful.

  Phile- I'm sure I don't want a relationship with him. Ever- so there's no chance of feeling bad later. Thank you.

  Bombshell- Nice to "meet" you too! Thanks so much for commenting- when you were describing yourself in college, it was uncannily similar to me. I'm glad it worked out for you though :) The strategy for drawing yourself out slowly is particularly effective. Its not too hard on the guy, but you end up accomplishing your goal. Thanks!

  Ed- You're right, I don't want to appear coy to the guy, so I was direct. Coy is reserved for other occasions. :)

  Bowlingmama- telling him ASAP was definitely my priority. ANd the gooid thing is that we were never close- just acquaintances. So it shouldn't be too hard on him.

  Missb- nice to meet you :)

• Anna said on Jan 04, 2007....

  Darn. the comment box cut me off. Missb, sorry you had to go through that situation.

  You guys are the best. Thank you. Cheers!

  ~Anna

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