I'm waiting on my husband to come home. Waiting is all I do where he is concerned. He has no concept of time.
Many times his only excuse when he's late is, "I knew I would get to you eventually." Eventually. That really makes me feel like a priority to him.
When I ask if there are no phones where he has gone, he stairs at me blankly. He always says he should have called. There is always a "but" involved. He'll name of the things that he thought were so important to get done wherever he went. I don't mind if his plans change, but I don't like sitting at home worrying when he's gone hours longer than he said he would be.
He won't carry a cell phone. He won't carry a two way radio. He simply doesn't want to be reached. This irritates me. He knows it irritates me. I think that's why he does it. He will deny that.
Supper is cold. I will have to reheat it when he shows up. Serve it to him cold, you say? Won't bother him. He likes it that way.
Sigh.....
Finally. I see headlights coming down the drive. I suppose he'll tell me I'm "good to come home to".
CW
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CreativeWoman posted on Jan 01, 2007
| views: 397
Comments
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MissMimi said on Jan 01, 2007....
If he can't be bothered to show up, why should you be bothered to cook for him? Next time he does it, CW, put the food away. And don't feel guilty about it. It's very disrespectful to you not to let you know he'll be late.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with his thoughtless behavior. You deserve so much more out of life.
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Mamie said on Jan 01, 2007....
CW: that is just outright disrespectful. I agree with MissMimi that I would just eat a nice dinner by yourself and then clean up (humming as you go) and then settle into a nice chair with a good mag...and don't worry about it. He may be being passive aggressive in that making you furious will "make you" leave him in the end. He has to earn his way out too...Mamie -
BlueOrchid said on Jan 01, 2007....
Do NOT reheat his food for him. Have dinner and put the leftovers away.
When he walks in, let him know the leftovers are in the fridge cheerily.
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lioneljay said on Jan 01, 2007....
This causes me to think entirely uncharitable things about your husband, CW, and that's a shame. It's also not a surprise, as I do this often when you write of his behavior.
I know that charity towards one's fellow man is a virtue, but I've gotten by quite nicely without a few other virtues so I'm okay with missing out on this one from time to time when I read your blog.
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CreativeWoman said on Jan 01, 2007....
Mimi, Mamie and Blue,
My husband and I have gone round and round about this issue. He doesn't care if the food has been put away. I've made the effort to have dinner with him. He knows I'll be here waiting. He doesn't care if he eats the food ice cold out of the refridgerator. He really doesn't.
I guess I was just needing to vent. I've tried to talk to him about it. Maybe it's one of the things he will miss when I'm gone someday.
CW
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BlueOrchid said on Jan 01, 2007....
If he doesn't care if the food is cold/put away... who are you putting all that extra work in for? -
mom said on Jan 01, 2007....
What is it with the men these days? Is it us females or are men as inconsiderate as they seem? Have you thought about treating yourself to a night out? Go out to dinner by yourself, see a movie and then rent a hotel room and get some good porn and have some fun and not leave him a note? I think if he felt what it was like or had to worry a little bit maybe he might change a little bit. It sounds like he takes you for granted, it is time to shake things up sweetie. -
CreativeWoman said on Jan 01, 2007....
lionel,
I think some pretty uncharitable thoughts about him myself.
Blue,
You are right.
mom,
Once I did go to Wal Mart late at night and stayed out until 3 in the morning just wandering around shopping. He called me about midnight, an hour after he got off work, to see where I was. I think he thought I was crazy because it was so out of character for me. I did it to create an example of how I wait for him not knowing where he is. I explained that to him. He agreed it wasn't nice, but things remain the same.
Thanks.
CW
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MissMimi said on Jan 01, 2007....
Honest to God, CW, sometimes I just want to slap him upside the head! Forgive me, but he is either the most obtuse man on the planet, or he's an expert at passive aggression.
His marriage is on life support, and he appears to be be clueless. How frustrating it must be for you. {{hugs}}
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CreativeWoman said on Jan 01, 2007....
Mimi,
He is truly clueless. He can only focus on tiny events and not the big picture. I really have tried to talk with him. I really have. I hate to give up on him, but that is what is happening.
CW
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mom said on Jan 02, 2007....
When do men stop listening? At first they are all over you like white on rice and then slowly they become clueless. I have had my husband wake me up and tell me he neeeded me to listen, so I do and give my advice or whatever he needs but he just looks at me like I am not there when I try to communicate. Maybe they need more estrogen. -
CreativeWoman said on Jan 02, 2007....
mom,
I get that deer in the headlights look from my husband all the time. I call him on it and he tells me he is just trying to understand what I'm saying. I just want to bang my head against a wall.
CW
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purrrkitten said on Jan 02, 2007....
Stop cooking for him. Make your own meal - something that you enjoy, eat it and leave NOTHING for him. Then when he asks about it, say "oops. I didn't know when you were planning on coming so I didn't feel like cooking." Do NOT make him anything when he complains.
Personally, I'd go to a hotel room with no note, no number to call, no explanation. When I bothered to come home the next day (after going out shopping for a couple of hours and having a nice lunch), I'd see how important I was to him by whether or not he was there waiting for me to get home.
You have tried and tried, sweetie. You aren't giving up on him. You are giving him the same (dis)respect that he gives you. It takes two people to save and maintain a marriage. You cannot make him respect you. You aren't giving up, just not giving in to his selfish way of looking at life. If he isn't willing to try (and he isn't from all your accounts *actions speak louder than words!!*), then all your work in saving this marriage is for naught. I'm sorry, CW, it's the truth. It sounds to me like he wants his cake and eat it too.
(((((((((((((CW)))))))))))))))
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silverwhisper said on Jan 02, 2007....
CW: honestly, if he says you're good to come home to again, i seriously think the proper respose is "you're not".
ed -
RollingC said on Jan 02, 2007....
What are his regular hours of work?
What time does he come home?
Is there a stop point after work or does he come straight home?
That and a few other questions come to mind as I've gone several years with conflicting schedules with my wife until I felt I was a stranger in my own house.
Which is why I quit that job (it was going good for me there) and now in the process of finding something permanent that will allow me to have a family life.
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mommyof2 said on Jan 02, 2007....
I know exactly what you are going through and I have stopped cooking for him and caring! -
pickersplock said on Jan 02, 2007....
Your husband and mine must be related. Mine is never
on time, I never know what time he'll be home because
he works in politics. When he's running an election for someone, I hardly ever see him.
I don't bother to complain anymore; it doesn't work.
I stopped calling him and sometimes won't answer if
he calls; will also take a long time to get back when he leaves a message. I also try to rush him off the phone;
I've got a million things to do.
It's not perfect yet, but it is getting better.
He's taking you for granted, it's time you did the same.
One warning; it's not easy. It's really against a woman's
nature to act like this, so be prepared to suffer in silence
for a while. Things should improve, but it may take some time. Good luck! -
bullblogg said on Jan 02, 2007....
cw- why are you doing this to yourself..my god woman, you deserve so much more than that....if you really aren't happy leave...he obviously doesnt even know how you feel,i know you've tried talking..why not do some action now..leave, no dinner cooked, just go over to a mates house..let him come home to an empty house,see how fast he is then with the phone!
i hope it does work for you.......you seem so unhappy......
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Zayda said on Jan 03, 2007....
(((CW))) Some days, I just don't know what to say my heart is so full for you.
I swear, I would think since he's working on a farm he might want a cellphone or a walkie talkie phone on him just in case of an emergency on his part.
As for the whole dinner thing. GRRRRRRRRRR....I don't even know what to say. It's so completely disrespectful of him. [grits teeth more]
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Z-Wizard said on Jan 07, 2007....
CW, from a mans veiw I will give you! Wait five min. after the time he said he would be home and then you leave go to a friends, movie, or somewhere he can not REACH YOU BY PHONE. Then come home a few hours later and see what he has to say about it. He will be wondering all kinds of stuff in his mind. Then just say to him the same thing he says to you. This might wake he dumb ass up.
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