• silverwhisper said on Dec 26, 2006....

  ariene: frankly, i don't think that there's an active thought process in most guys that says "ah, she's successful in her career! that's a threat to my relationship w/ her and therefore i must force her to choose!" i think that some insecure guys probably are, however, on some subconscious level at least, if not in fact explicitly.
  
  but in general, i think a well-adjusted guy isn't at all threatened by a woman whose career is going well. and honestly, if a guy is threatened that way, he's obviously not long-term relatinship material. at least, not IMHO.
  
  ed

• Ariene said on Dec 26, 2006....

  Thanks for your input, Ed. I guess I just picked the wrong guys and wasted too many years on them. Still, it's nice to know that all men don't feel that way. Now, I just have to find one.

• silverwhisper said on Dec 26, 2006....

  well, obviously there's an element that's common to people who are insecure that also contains a personality trait you find attractive, b/c it sure can't be the insecurity itself, right? :>
  
  ed

• Ariene said on Dec 27, 2006....

  Ed - You have a point, but it's not the insecurity itself. I think that's a turn off. You did, however, just remind me that I always fall for the underdog. Still, it's not just that. He has to have a special quality that shines through and has to be exciting. When I met my now ex-husband, he drove a motorcycle. I wanted to get to know him. So, I got my motorcycle license and bought a bike (not an automatic). The problem was, after awhile he changed and lacked ambition. The other long term love of my life was on the verge of losing his business and his employees wanted to buy him out. I helped him regain control and gave him back his confidence. He had more money than he knew what to do with. Then we had a falling out and he refused to listen to anything I said. Eventually, he was millions of dollars in debt and lost just about everything. He walked away from me and his daughter without an explanation. That was six years ago and we haven't spoken since. I haven't dated, because I'm heartbroken. Maybe, you can give me some insight as to why a man would do that. I just don't understand.

• silverwhisper said on Dec 27, 2006....

  i don't know about the first one, but i think your ex-husband became overconfident after you together wrested control of the company back. for that to fail so spectacularly, though, and for him to walk away means that he's probably a shattered man. it's possible he's feeling so guilty he can't face you or your daughter, but honestly, it's awfully hard to say w/out knowing more about the situation.
  
  i know that if i were in such a situation, i'd probably be shattered, although i would hope that i could turn to my wife at least for some solace. i don't know that there are any answers i can offer, ariene.
  
  ed

• Ariene said on Dec 27, 2006....

  Thank you, Ed.

• copsunited said on Dec 27, 2006....

  Men do view women differently in the work place. I have not
  know any man to verbalize "I know how she got the job", but I have
  felt it in subliminal ways.
   
  If a woman is competent and....now I say AND attractive it seems
  to work againist her in the work place. I works from both sexes.
   
  Women who posess skills above and beyond AND are good to
  look at (dress for success) have a feeling about themselves which
  is almost self deistructive. I DO NOT mean any of this in a negative
  way..honestly.
   
  When I was an agent I did have a few isntances arise that made me
  wonder about the advisability of a female bing in on the aspects that
  I thought were best handled by males. Yet..her they came with all the
  confidence and abilities to dispatch the problem and to asuage my
  cautions.
   
  Later in my career I became a proponent of equal pay for equal work and equal treatment in the work place. I was then, am now and will always be
  an advocate for women. 
   
  Now..My wife is a CPA. Highly qualified and competent. She is sought out by the best legal minds in this city for advice. Some of the cases are forensic accounting..and she is good. She dresses to the 9's..and looks sharp..she says she feels sharp..and demonstrates that every day. She turns clients away... she not only ownes her business but the office building that houses it and a staff to man it.
   
  AM I threatened..not a chance..never.

• husbandhater said on Dec 27, 2006....

  Insecurity rules and with men it can be just as big as the green eyed monster. Find a man who is = just as successful so that this is not an issue. Men have big egos that constantly needs feeding and if the egos as well as the success are equal then they usually find something else to be hung up about. Stay away from the boys because a truly successful man is not threatened by a woman who could possibly be his equal. Don't settle especially if they try to sabotage u .

• Ariene said on Dec 27, 2006....

  Copsunited - It was especially hard, because I worked with about 50 men. There were only 2 other women who worked in another building. When my other half gave in to pressure and stopped listening, I should have known it was the beginning of the end. I remember you saying your wife is a CPA. Glad you don't feel threatened, because that's the way it should be. Husbandhater - I agree with you, completely.

• copsunited said on Dec 27, 2006....

  Well I am not in a position to say positive or negative on certain issues. I
  do know that my ego never got int the way of the job and did not need
  to be fed. That is a fact. I have always been very self confident.
   
  the difference in my attitude was..I will teach and share every bit of
  information I can with you. If you know as much about my job as I do
  then there is less for me to do.
   
  If you get promoted ahead of me then it was something I was or was
  not doing and not the fault of the person who got the appointment.
   
  That kind of jealsousy has screwed up more jobs than I can count.
   
  Am I different than others..I really don't know..but I can tell you there
  are a lot of successful female agents that have called me many times
  to thank me and give me credit for their success'.
   
  That speaks volumns.

• Ariene said on Dec 28, 2006....

  copsunited - You truly are unique. There should be more men and co-workers like you.

• EthnicSoul said on Jan 02, 2007....

  Don't take this the wrong way, especially since I too am a very successful independent career woman, but men are and will always be men. No man likes to feel inferior. And and i believe sometimes we woman can make our mates feel that way with out even knowing. We ask ourselves Why men are not like the men of our past generations and it's because woman have out grown them. Life has changed. Woman no longer need our men for EVERYTHING. Honestly, we dont need them for much of anything now adays. Today's independent woman's attitude is "I'M Not Putting Up with any BULL ShIT because i can do for myself." We do this in hopes to chase all the no good men away but instead it has caused all the good men to feel threatened. Or feel as if it's not worth the struggle. Once again a real man wants to feel like a man. And due to the lack of real men woman have closed up and abdopted the "I can do for myself" attitued. We no longer look for men to hlep us feel like women. We do it our DAMN SELVES. Now is that a good thing?

• Ariene said on Jan 02, 2007....

  EthnicSoul - I don't know if that's a good thing - probably not. It's "just the way it is" these days.

   

  Happy New Year!

Comment on "Do Men Feel Threatened by Successful Career Women?"

Currently tagged	dating relationships life marriage family nope ARE WE THE CAUSE OF GOOD MEN FEELING THREATENED BY US (Click to add tags below)
Tag this post	(Separate tags using commas, for example: New York, dating, vegetarian)
Your comment
	Comment Anonymously